Who’s fault?

It appears as though Adam is coming down with a bug, so I guess, within the next couple of days, I probably will too. I know for a fact, that Adam worries constantly about bringing bugs home with him, especially as he works in a hospital. At times, I know it worries him more than others, I can tell when it’s playing on his mind. It’s not because he acts any different in front of me, but because he comes home, stinking of the gel that is available for your hands, at the entrance of every ward and department. I also know, that it worries him that he might even bring something home on his clothes, as he used to come into the house and come straight to me for a kiss. Now, he removes his coat and his over shirt, before washing his hands, and eventually, I then, get that kiss. He worries terribly that with my being so weak healthwise, that I will get so ill that I land up in the hospital, myself. I suppose that it must be a worry for anyone who is the carer of someone who is housebound. I don’t worry about it at all, as if I were going out, I would be surrounded by germs, getting ill, would be just one of those things that happen. Being housebound, hasn’t changed that view to me. We both have to live our lives, without everything being about my health.

To be honest, throughout the time I have been diagnosed with PRMS, I have actually picked up relatively few bugs, even colds. I used to get the flu jab every year, and I don’t care what anyone says, from the time I started getting it, I never had a single cold. I know they are totally different things, but there are an amazingly high number of people, who say exactly the same thing. Since I have been housebound, I no longer get the jab. I am sure that I am still entitled to it, but it would require the doctor to come to me, which is highly unlikely. Luckily, as Adam works for the NHS, he now gets the jab free, so in an around about way, I am still protected. By the way, Adam has also found that he no longer catches colds either. I think he might have had a couple of mild ones, but not like the ones he used to have, the ones that always turned into “Man Flu”. Without a doubt, Adam’s care over keeping bugs away from me, either works or my over active immune system, actually does work as some sort of protector. The only part of me it seems to fail over, are my lungs. Chest infections are no stranger and I know that my diagnosis of COPD coincided with a pickup in Adams cleanliness routines. It didn’t stop me from having pneumonia last July, granted it was a funny time of year for it, but it happened. It is a fact that both of us will have to learn to live with, I will get ill, regardless of the care he works so hard to give me.

I honestly believe that the fact I am housebound, actually increases the chances of me becoming far iller, far more quickly. I am simply over protected. If you aren’t out there amongst the normal everyday bugs, you don’t develop the immunity needed to fight their bigger more grown up cousins. To me, the world has gone mad with all the different range of antibacterial sprays, wipes, laundry additives and so on. You can’t watch TV these days, without seeing advert after advert, that try to tell you, that you’re a bad parent, if you don’t use them all, to protect your family. Which is total madness! If you want to protect yourself and your family, go outside, play in the dirt, get dirty, get covered in everything that world naturally produces, then don’t zap the goodness of nature, just wash normally. Your immune system will thank you for it, your children won’t grow up without allergies and asthma, things that didn’t really exist, until we stopped children playing outside and even eating dirt, which they inevitably do. Which actually, isn’t as daft as it sounds, as dirt, is exactly where they are finding our new much needed antibiotics. Living in a bacteria and germ-free environment, is the perfect recipe for getting ill. Adam, is as close to a germ-free environment, as a human can be, by the time he reaches me, and other than the odd delivery man, he is the only person, I get within two feet off.

I don’t know when I will next be ill, none of us do. I do understand his fears, all too well, as I don’t want to land up ill and in the hospital any more than he wants me too. Illness for me isn’t something I think I catch anyway. When I get ill these days, it is my body that does it. Granted, catching a bad cold, could, possibly, turn into pneumonia, but it is far more likely, that I will just develop it myself. Back in July, there wasn’t any precursor, no lead up in any way what so ever, I quite simply woke up ill, really ill. The day before, I felt as I had done for ages, but what I hadn’t picked up on as wrong, was that my lungs were more congested than normal. For about a couple of weeks beforehand, I had had a slight cough, something I don’t normally have at all. I don’t have and never have had, a smokers cough. Some might see that as odd, but it’s a total fact, my lungs coped with everything that was thrown at them. My COPD is down to two things, emphysema which is still only at level one and not bothering me greatly, but mainly it’s driven by my PRMS. The mechanism that makes me breath isn’t working properly, well, a long way from properly at times. I am almost certain, that what caused my pneumonia, was just that. I wasn’t taking proper breaths, the liquids we all have in our lungs wasn’t being removed and it slowly built up, was trapped by my lungs not inflating properly and collapsing under pressure, then putrified, and I became ill. It’s a danger I can do nothing about, other than to keep using the inhalers and my nebuliser, both there to help keep the whole system open and working.

The fact Adam isn’t feeling too well isn’t the only driver behind my writing about this today. For the last few days, I have had a very slight cough and my right lung, feels not exactly what you would call right. Let me say this here, before Adam, starts to worry, this happens frequently. When I am lying down, I get sharp pains in precise points and a dull feeling throughout that one side. Breathing is mildly painful, every breath can be felt from my throat, right through to arriving in my lung. The past few cold days, haven’t helped at all. Our bedroom is always colder than the rest of the house, and I know that doesn’t help. Cold air, always feels as though it scours its way into my body, so I ignore that, it’s not a symptom, just a warning. I started yesterday feeling it in a perfectly warm room, which made me sit up and pay a little closer attention. Over the last few days, I have noted that heavy dull feeling to my lungs, even my nebuliser doesn’t lift it straight away. In fact, the first 10 to 20 breaths with it are hard, really hard, but eases a little as I go on, sometimes, it doesn’t seem to help at all. As I said, this isn’t new, I’ve only had my nebuliser for about 4 months I think, and I have been through this twice before in that time. Before it came to nothing, which I expect this will as well, but I wanted it here in black and white, so if I’m wrong, if I do get ill, Adam can see clearly, that it isn’t his fault.


Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 17/12/2013 – Christmas past, present and future

Adam and I were talking the other evening about the best Christmas presents we received when we were children, to my surprise I could actually only remember a 2 my “Tiny Tears” doll and my adult size bicycle. It didn’t……