It just keeps coming

“I wet the bed.” “Last night, I, wet the bed.” I’ve been saying it over and over in my head all morning, as I honestly don’t believe what happened, but it did. I had woken just after 4 am as I was freezing. When I pulled back my sleep mask the reason was clear, I had totally thrown the duvet onto the floor. Something else I don’t believe, but there it was, just holding onto one corner by my right foot. The solution was simple, sit up and pull it back over myself. Once I laid back down, I started running the idea of going back to sleep, now that I was warm. Sleep glorious sleep. Then I remembered that I have been having a mild issue with leakage, nothing much, a few drops or at the worst, an eggcup full passed as I tried to reach the bathroom. I didn’t feel like going at all, but I decided that it was better to be safe, rather than sorry, so once more I sat up, this time, I swung my legs over the edge, and I put my hand on a wet patch a the side of the mattress. I knew that I must have been overheating, because of the position of the duvet, but this was too wet, and not where I expected it to be. It was then that I realised my lower back was wet, and I swung my arm behind me, the bed was soaking. Not damp, it was soaking wet. Clearly, “I had wet the bed”.

I’ve always known it was a future possibility, so much so, we had been stockpiling spare sheets, each time I bought a new set for the bed. Somehow, though, I never thought it would have been like this. If I hadn’t thrown the duvet off me, I would have just kept sleeping, totally unaware of it all. But here I was, awake and wet, with a wet bed. I headed for the loo, to be sure that my bladder was empty, and to wash myself down with the wipes I carry in the bag hung on my wheelchair. It was only 4:16, I couldn’t wake Adam, not this early, but what could I do? I don’t have the strength to change all the bedding, but I had to do something, I just wasn’t sure what?

After chain smoking three cigarettes, I headed back to the bedroom. There was an old towel that I found the other day, in the bottom of the wardrobe, when I was sorting out my draws. When I found it, I didn’t have a clue, where it had come from or why I had it at all. I was so confused that I brought it out and placed it on the kitchen counter, to see if Adam knew the answer. At first, he too questions, then remembered. When we redid the bathroom, about 6 years ago now, I had spent quite a lot on a really good set of towels. We hadn’t had them a month, when Adam washed two of them, along with some black socks. They were ruined. He spent days trying to find them online, without telling me anything about it. Eventually, he found them and bought two replacements and snuck them into the cupboard. Then told me. He knew that I had not only invested a lot of money in the bathroom but also a lot of time and creativity. He also knew that I wouldn’t be amused by his carelessness. He was right, but I would have just done, exactly what he did, replaced them, the difference being, I knew where I bought them. The towel in my wardrobe was one of those, one I put there, for exactly the possibility that I might wet the bed.

There was some kind of strange thing going on here, that last week, I found the very towel that I needed to be able to sleep, and that was just what I did. There was one thought though in my head as I drifted off, I had to somehow wake around 7am, not the 8:30 that the alarm was set for. Another thing that I can’t do, I can reset the alarm. It was all down to luck. 7am on the nail, I woke. I got dressed knowing that my next task was waking Adam and facing him, while I told him what had happened overnight. I found myself feeling just as I guess my son Christopher must have done when he came to tell me that he had done the same overnight. No scared, because no one was told off, just upset that it had happened. As I said, we knew that this day would come, I have had issues with my bladder from almost the start, but that didn’t make it any easier. The sheet, towel and the two mattress toppers went through the washing machine and tumble dryer. I had it all done before Adam came home. He had set the first load running, and then placed the rest, where I could manage it from my chair.

My body is falling apart at a speed I never expect it to. Since January, I have hardly gone past a couple of weeks, without something else causing me problems. Yesterday, I posed the possibility that there is a new lesion on my spine, today, I really think, that is the issue. From my neck down, I am falling apart at full speed, and yes, I have been sat here with tears running down my face, as I have been writing this. There were none earlier, something I don’t understand. I know that Adam was ready for them, as he kept coming across to me and holding me. He even phoned half way through the morning, but the tears didn’t appear until I started to write. I can’t wait to see what it will do to me next.

 

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 21/06/2014 – There is no control

I had to go to my bed early last night, I just couldn’t stay awake any longer and I felt like I would die on the spot, well die might be an exaggeration, pass out would be much closer. Most of the day I had been struggling, it was difficult to feel anything about anything, but I guess it was to be expected following the morning I had. I was right, sitting writing did make it all worse as within an hour or so, I began to just feel like I have been all week, but the exhaustion was somehow deeper, as though…..

24 thoughts on “It just keeps coming

  1. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Not just wetting the bed, the reality something else is happening.
    I wet myself yesterday. I went to change clothes and slightly felt I’d need to go in a bit. I thought I’d grab my clothes and chanel in the bathroom. I got my shirt and suddenly wetness started. I rushed to get my pants undone and me to the bathroom as quickly as possible. As the wetness continued to grow. I finally got on the toilet, I looked down and I was soaked to the point my socks were wet.
    I’m still not sure what happened. My brain did not tell me I had to go as badly as I did. I’m so confused.
    My story is not like yours, your story just reminded me of my event.
    I hope things slow down and you have some relief.

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    • That sort of situation has happened to me all to often, but just like you, I was at least in the loo, before the worst of it happened. We felt those first dips and ran. I have in the past woken up like that, feeling the first drips running and my running very quickly across the house to get there before the rest ran. It was the fact I felt nothing, it just happened, that’s when it get’s scary. (((Hugs)))

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      • I can see that being very scary. I woke up once and thought What is that awful smell? I had pooled in my sleep and had no idea. That scared me a lot. Turned out I was very sick, so again, nothing like what happened to you, your fear didn’t subside. You don’t find out you had some horrible virus. You know it could, and probably will happen again. ((Hugs to you))

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  2. Oh dear me, I have not wet bed yet
    ? The district nurse is coming out as social worker referred me. I ve never done a trickle now age 52 I m peeing a bucket full at once and can t stop mid flow at all, as not i m not getting to toilet on time. Believe me a bucket. They suggested pads( I need more than a pad) I was horrified so was she when she herself thought of wearing them. Any way it’s a bucket and continence team is coming soon. Like you I take pride in our home. Our towels are old now , coincidentally, so I ve invested in many new ones in the sale, perhaps you understand that many wouldn’t Fortunately I have my wet the bed yet but I am going to ask what is helpful? I ll let you know. I feel for you what happened and hope it one of them that passes? I m sure stress may be exacerbating you as I know it is me. I think you were marvellous dealing with this sensative issue and so brave to share plus sort out the washing.Take lots ans lots of care (((hugs))) gently.

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    • It was a totally exhausting day in so many different ways. I have found online some pads that go on the bed, rather than you, they will hold up to 3 ltrs of liquid, and they are washable. I have bought two to see what they are like and intend to put them under the top sheet, protecting everything below.

      I too have the continence team coming to see me. They have been here several times in the past for different reasons. Generally, I have found them really helpful. So I hope they manage to help us both, and I just hope neither of us have too long to wait. 🙂

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  3. Why is it us women are doomed 😮 to have # pee problems. # Incontinence,,, I know this isn’t the same asi your problem, but still all women sooner or later have this problem. I have had it too. More often than I will admit. I find myself doing #kelig exercises all the time. But it still happens. I don’t like it. Its embarrasing and messy. I can’t stand messy !!- Hope you are better today. You have had a terrible few weeks (years).. Thinking of you always……😄

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    • If we didn’t have children most wouldn’t have a problem. For me though it’s yet again an issue from my PRMS. As I said, we have been expecting it, but like everything else, we hope it will later, rather than when it turns up.

      I too can’t stand messy, and this has to be the messiest thing as it goes everywhere. The exercises used to help me, but when your bladder decides it, like the rest of me, that it doesn’t want to do what it was designed for, what can you do. I’m working on ways to help with it, so hopefully, my bed and the rest of the house, won’t land up wet in the future. Right now, I’d just like some peace from things going wrong. 🙂

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  4. Luckily I’ve not had to contemplate this prospect however have you considered a colostomy bag recently? I’m sure you have thought about it but maybe if this could relieve some of the stress of everything else that’s happening it would be one less issue to deal with. I have had ‘Code Brown’ issues hike out and that’s really awful too. Just more shitty. It’s always a process of reassessment and what things cost you financially & emotionally. What ou give up for what you gain. Just remember you are not alone and it happens to the best of us.

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    • It was one of the things that I discussed with the doctor when I was at the hospital the other day. For now, because things do move eventually, they don’t want to do it, any more than they want to operate on me at all. I have upped my Morphine and to be honest, it has reduced the discomfort a little, but not hugely. The option is there, and if things get worse, and I can’t be comfortable without high doses, then I will do it. If I can’t, it will be my next step.

      Life is running away with me right now. What I do know, is I am not in the emotional position to take that step right now. I have so much adjusting to do and so much else to settle into my life, before I go there. I know your right, I am far from alone, but it all kind of feels personal and isolating at the moment.

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  5. Things like this are personal and isolating beyond any imagination possible each in our own way. It s dam lonely too. Sad we got chronic health conditions but glad you have built a community that can discuss rawly. Just long for those nights having fun and loving the music. Changing the subject what music was it? I seem to like them all so they merged really. Did you play one particular sort?(((hugs))))

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    • I am assuming you are talking about when I was a DJ. Very mixed outside of the clubs I worked in. At first it was rave or what was called “Club”, before I finished up, I played Heavy Rock. Like many DJ’s went where the money was 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I have had to deal with this sporadically since multiple strokes 5 years ago. Clots due to A-fib. My recovery has been almost complete but for left-side weakness, fatigue and incontinence. I thought I had MS but my symptoms are stroke-related. For you I hope a remission comes soon. 💖

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    • Thank you, but unfortunately I don’t get remissions. I have Progressive Relapsing MS, as it says really, I always Progress and just for fun, I get Relapses as well.

      I hope your health continues to improve. (((Hugs)))

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