I hoped as I wrote yesterday that the previous night had been a one-off, something that could but wouldn’t happen again, well at least not anytime soon. I didn’t have the same things last night, but it was a night of broken sleep, simply because once again I was feeling sick. Last night is the only night without large quantities of alcohol, it didn’t matter if it were at 8pm when I took my meds or at 4 am when I last woke, I was at that point where I was almost sure that any second it was actually going to happen. It isn’t that severe at the moment, but I am still feeling sick and I have honestly had enough of it. Last night I was blaming it on a mad idea that I had to try taking another of those peppermint oil capsules at around 2:30 that afternoon. By 7pm, I was sat on the settee with heartburn and yes the taste of peppermint overpowering everything. As the evening progressed I started to feel sicker and sicker when I took my meds I also took an anti sickness pill which totally failed to work at all. Come bedtime, I was even unsure how I was going to make it across the flat to the bathroom and then to bed. It was while I was lying in bed for the first spell of fingers crossed horizontal prayers that one of my theories appeared and it is a valid one. I am wondering if I am actually allergic to peppermint.

All my life, mint has been a flavour I have done my best to avoid, not an easy thing to do if you think about it. I don’t remember having any bad reaction to it in the past, just a really strong dislike of all things minty. I even hate it in toothpaste, but it’s in the majority of all reasonably priced ones, so I put up with it, after all it’s not a huge amount. It has been one of those things that has annoyed me all my life, that daily I have to put mint in my mouth and the world offered few other options. Clearly I have no choice, but it even goes as far as the fact I have never been able to stand kissing anyone who has just cleaned their teeth. Anyway, my theory is quite simple, is my strong dislike, actually my body telling me to stay away from it because I am allergic to it? Even this morning I woke with a headache and feeling sick, milder than yesterday, but it’s still there. The only other time in my life that I have taken peppermint oil it wasn’t as concentrated as these capsules and I only took it at night when pregnant to help with indigestion. I don’t remember taking it for long, but it is so long ago now that I would be surprised if I could remember anything else. Last night when I told Adam that the peppermint was causing heartburn, he suggested that I took it before eating rather than after, but after how it made me feel later, I’m thinking more along the line of not taking it at all.

Just a few years ago if you said to someone that you were listening to your body and doing what it told you, most people would have burst out laughing at you and put you on to their list of nutters they have met. These days, it seems to be the first thing that people tell you to do once you are ill. I have lost count how many people have actually told me to listen to my body as it knows best, even people in the medical profession. What I never thought would happen, is that sometimes your body is screaming so many things at the same time, that you still don’t know what to do for the best. It is over a week now since I last got through a full day without feeling sick, from mild to yes actually throwing up. I am now at a loss again as to what is causing what and what I should do about it. It is tempting to put it all down to the Psyllium and peppermint oil, but something is stopping me from doing so. What’s stopping me is simple, how I feel just now, could equally just be and acceleration of how I was feeling before I started on them. I have no doubt about the peppermint causing the heartburn, but the nausea and the desire to just go to bed, are all too familiar. Throw in the pain and fatigue, and I am in rather a sorry state if I am being honest and I don’t have the slightest idea what to do about it.

Technically, I have been ill for 33 years, but not one of those years do I see as being ill. They were my normality, they were just the way things were and I lived through them. So to say now that I am ill, to most would sound really wrong, of course, I am ill, I’m always ill. Today I can draw a clear line and say without a doubt that for the past week, I have been what I would call ill. That is a picture I am sure many will relate with, illness has a huge range, a range that runs from acute to chronic and because you are one or the other, doesn’t mean you can’t have both. I know I am both, but I’m not sure if the chronic is behind the acute, or it’s totally separate. You can’t strip one away from the other, our bodies don’t work that way, we are whole creatures and we feel everything as a whole and that is where the problems begin. My pain levels are raised today, everything is raised today, normally I can pinpoint the catalyst, normally I can be sure of what I am saying and writing about my health as I don’t ever feel there are grey areas. I long ago gave up trying to say this belongs to my PRMS or this to my Fibro and that to my COPD and so on, it doesn’t matter which is behind it in normal everyday life, as I just get on with it. But today it does matter, can I cure this, do I need assistance, is it something serious, I don’t have the slightest idea.

I am so used to dealing with everything my body throws at me, in just getting on and living my life, that finding myself feeling as though I want someone else to make me better, is an alien concept. That is how I feel today, that I need someone to take care of me, to make me feel better and to take this whole thing away and just let me be my normal in pain and ill me. If I could hide, if I could vanish into sleep and wake feeling better, I would. Last night showed me this isn’t going to work that way. My magical sleep isn’t my wand of life right now, as I woke just as I went to sleep, feeling acutely ill and completely confused by it all.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 30/05/13 – Where your partner stands

Today started with an unexpected bonus, Adam had read my blog from yesterday and without saying anything made a rather sleepy and squinted eyed journey across the living room to give me a kiss. He wanted to apologise for the snipping and impatience. I didn’t write it to get such a reaction, I wrote because I wanted to……