Today is going to be hard, I have just gone through the worst night I can remember for years and I didn’t even have any warning, in fact I thought it would be the total opposite. I suppose it really started at 6 pm when my three days of taking laxatives actually finally worked properly, there had been nothing since the tiny amount 48 hours earlier. You don’t know until you have lived with bowl problems, just how difficult they make life. I was on a high, delighted to for the first time in a couple of weeks to have a soft stomach and to know that that was it over for another week, I have no intention of not taking my laxatives when I should, ever again. The evening went well and for me was a good night in front of the TV, well it was “Strictly come dancing” night, what was there not to enjoy, although I was a little concerned as to why I hadn’t been back to the loo at least once, a small amount of diarrhoea is normal after that quantity of laxatives. I went to bed at my normal time of 9pm and once I had beaten my pillows, which had already disturbed my afternoon nap into submission, I went into my normal deep sleep. I woke with a start at just before 2am, it wasn’t pain, but the sensation of something small having escaped my bowel and now caught by my buttocks, trust me when I say getting out of bed, across the room and stopping to put on my dressing gown, whilst holding your buttocks as tight as possible out of pure fear of what might happen to the cream carpet, isn’t easy. What left me was almost pure water and clearly not the small amount I had expected and I knew then that my night was going to be disturbed at least one more time, the past has taught me that much, when that happens, getting to the loo becomes a must manage event at least once or twice more. 2:20, 2:45, 4:00 and 6:15 all found me once more making the journey across the width of the house, what had gone wrong and why it had all taken so long to have any effect and for it them to land up with this violent result, screams to me that I am right about what is happening to me. Even allowing for the laxatives, that without nothing was happening, this isn’t the normal action of any digestive system, even now at gone 10 am, I still don’t believe it is over.
All of that is bad enough on it’s own, but it isn’t what my bowels were doing, more the knock on effect that is the real downer, nothing happens in my life that doesn’t have a kick back from my PRMS. Right now I am in pain through out my abdomen, I don’t think there is any of it that isn’t at best aching or at worst passing on real pain, the spasm in the upper section are continues and almost in sink with the ones in my diaphragm and I am feeling sick. I did manage to eat my breakfast although I was in two minds as to whether I should eat or not, right or wrong it is done now, but it was as I took the last mouthful, that the nausea appeared again. It doesn’t take a genius to know that I am also really tired, disturbed sleep isn’t good for anyone, but it is a nightmare for anyone with MS. Sleep has to be the most important element to dealing with the whole thing, that I have found. Lack of sleep makes life tougher for anyone, but I have found that it raises the pain levels, brings emotions not just to the surface but above them, all brain function seems to take longer and it enforces speech and memory issues, today is going to be fun. I know some will be asking why I don’t just go back to bed and get some more sleep, that is actually the worst thing I could possibly do. Last night may have screwed things up for me, but if I went back to bed now, it would push me out of routine for several days, which brings a whole new range of problems. Breaking routine is a bit like inviting all the worst part of PRMS to have a party, I would far rather have one day of feeling sorry for myself and not really up to much, rather than a week of it.
If it ended there that would be bad enough, but there is one more thing that my nocturnal wanderings have done, they have caused pain and fatigue in all my leg and arm muscles. I walked further last night than I normally would in a normal day and half of the steps I took were taken with added urgency, something I don’t do that well, normally I move somewhere between normal and slow, fast hasn’t been in my life for a long time, neither has speed dressing, but both were forced upon me last night. Nothing comes easily in this world of mine, it seems that there are no easy answers either, if I don’t take medication to deal with my now almost stopped intestine, I would land up eventually in hospital, if I do, well this is the result, it would be nice to just once have a win win situation open to me. It really can feel at times like I am beating my head of a brick wall, just to be allowed to hold steady for a very short period of time. When I do get a few days on the level, there is something like this waiting at the end of it for me, don’t get me wrong, I am not feeling sorry for myself, no it is more that I am just a bit fed-up with it. I guess that is probably more down to my lack of sleep, rather than a true feeling, as despite a million reasons to feel like that daily, I very rarely do.
Tomorrow will be another day and with a little luck I will get through today without to many more problems, I am tempted to take a booster pill to deal with the increased pain, but I fear that with me being so tired, they might just push me into sleep, best to just go with it and hope. I normally find that is the best way to deal with days like today, look for the good spots and hope they start to increase in number as the day goes on.
Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 7/12/12 – Three in a bed