I a glad to say that although I am not feeling like singing and dancing, I am feeling better than I did yesterday, it is amazing just how wretched you can feel for no clear reason that you can find. There was one possibility that I brushed over, which doesn’t shock me at all as I was brushing over it to just a few weeks ago, my stomach spasms came back over the weekend and the fact is that when your stomach goes into spasm, well you are inclined to feel rather nauseous. I have also been having rather a large number of very sharp spasms in my intercostal muscles, which I know make me feel rather iffy as I have one right now. It up in line with my breast and has been locked now for nearly half an hour. Yesterday afternoon and evening they were so frequent that I found myself getting restless, which is one of the nastiest things about spasms, they make you want to move around to ease them, but that only makes you tired and opens you up to more spasms. There seems to be a lot of vicious circles like that where clearly for someone who doesn’t have MS or fibro, would be a reasonable solution for your body to demand, but add in either, or both and the natural solution becomes a personal hell.
Everyone on the planet will have had either a cramp or a stitch, they don’t need explaining, but imagine you can’t stand up and twisting causes you pain else where then you get both of them at the same time, what would you do? I hadn’t thought of it before, but having a stitch is a good example of what it is like to get mild spasms in your rib cage, just as sharp and painful but in a place where you can’t push your hand into because there are bones in the way, nor can you twist or bend your rib cage, it’s just there and it’s going to drive you mad until it get’s fed up and lets go. Maybe the fact that I felt a bit off yesterday wasn’t that much of a surprise when I really think about it, it’s actually probably more surprising that I don’t feel ill more of the time than I actually do.
I spoke to my doctor just before 1pm yesterday, he is sending me out yet another antibiotic tablet, an antibiotic mouthwash and more of the mouthwash I was already using, the hope is that the triple attack will see them leave for good. I told him what I had found online about them possibly being Cankers, but the facts didn’t add up, like them being on my hard pallet for a start. He surprised me when he said he had never heard of Cankers, I luckily for once had a mind faster than my mouth as I nearly said “Well that is what the NHS calls them” as I had found them on one of the NHS sites, as he works for the NHS that might not off sounded too good. He seems to think that they may possibly be viral, which again surprised me with him giving me antibiotics, as I always thought they didn’t work against anything viral. He also said that they sometimes appear in people who get cold sores, something else I have never had in my life, I may do well when it comes to the difficult to diagnose, but I have never been a person who gets the so-called everyday illnesses. I didn’t go into the full story but I also asked him about medications that might help with my now useless bowels, I wanted to see what he might come up with as to date whenever I have asked the answer has always been some horrid drink that is almost impossible to drink, he is sending me yet another one of them. I guess I am going to have to do what I said in the first place, sort it by myself. I asked Adam to buy me some Dulcoease to try, it is a far gentler version of the meds I was taking last week and I am hoping that it is something I can take all the time, as I would if I was using the unpalatable drink. I am at the minute taking two a day to see how I get on with it, if that turns out to be the answer, I can then go back to my GP with the product name, or if possible a generic version, which is what I was hoping he might come up with himself.
Sometimes I wish that I had something like a comfortable rack, where I could strap myself on to it and set it to stretch, gently! That spasm is still there and I can’t shift it at all! I never once considered that fact that my life might reach a point where all I wanted would be for one silly pain to go away. The longer you live with nutty things like this the more daft ideas you get of how to deal with it, in some way’s I think the daft ideas are the things that keep me sane. I often find myself smiling at some stupid thought or other, I mean the idea of a medieval rack covered in water filled cushions set to the perfect temperature and a torture master being smiley and helpful, is nuts and I would never have come up with it if it wasn’t for the pain. Creativity or lunacy don’t seem to be that far apart, but we all need something to smile at when the pain gets to far into that annoying phase, if we didn’t let go of the stayed life we all normally live within, well we might just not be here, you can’t be serious about everything and if you can find something to laugh at when it has gone just that little bit too far, all the better. A good dose of Monty Python never did anyone any harm.
Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 23/09/12 – Alone
I have reset everything I do on twitter and the new format will start at midday today with at reduced output I should now have some time to start on what I have talked about for a long time now, a book. I still haven’t worked out if I am just going to e-publish or look for a publisher but I don’t see I have a……