Yesterday started bad and pretty much stayed that way. The effort and strain put on my muscles had been so bad and so complete that most of my body was in pain, especially the entirety of my gut and right arm, but as the day went on I started to feel pain throughout my legs. I guessed that the leg issue was due to the spasms that appeared when I was sat on the loo, the rest of it, well that was self-explanatory too. I had one other issue that didn’t just go away either, I was leaking a mix of blood, water and fibre pieces continually, all of it was set to make me feel extremely miserable and sorry for myself for the rest of the day. I tried to see the funny side, but it just evaded me, but for once I did manage to talk to Adam about it, I am really bad about not telling him things or talking about them until he has first read it here, so that was my positive point, not that he was much help, no one can be really. Not only was I aching everywhere, I had also used a huge amount of energy and I was tired, really tired, it is unbelievable that all that was caused just because I went to the loo.
When I woke this morning, I knew quite quickly that my body didn’t feel much better, I was now stiff to add to the fun, but that is what happens when you use muscles that haven’t been used for far too long. I lay there for a few minutes, I just didn’t want to get up as I had this feeling that I wasn’t going to have a great day, my stomach was sore all over the place and I was and still am, feeling somewhat unwell, just that yucky feeling, nothing you can put your finger on other than to say I don’t feel well. At first, once I was on my feet and I had loosened off some of the muscles, I wasn’t feeling that bad and I simply headed into starting my day, in the hope that just getting moving would mean that I would slowly come round and at first it seemed to be working. Adam headed off to work and I was getting things done at a good pace, all too similar to yesterday, when the phone rang, it was Jake calling for his weekly chat, half way through it, I started getting the feeling that I was going to be heading back into the bathroom soon. I actually cut short our talk, I had to go and I had no choice. As I have said throughout this blog my bowels rarely empty without my taking a laxative, something I hadn’t done, so going again so soon is odd and I guess is down to the antibiotics. The good news is that it wasn’t anything like yesterday, very painful and a great effort but I cleared a surprising amount, about another 6 or 7 of those fist-sized lumped. I never checked yesterday online for a clue to what is happening, but once I left the bathroom now leaking even more than before, I headed into the depths of the medical web.
Strangely I found it quite quickly and it all makes total sense, as I have said throughout this blog my bowels rarely empty without my taking a laxative, I haven’t really been taking action on that lately, I just keep forgetting. I did take them last week and I went to the loo, it too was painful and an effort but nothing like yesterday, thinking back I actually didn’t pass very much which should have been a clue, but I missed it. I am reasonably sure that it was a couple of weeks at least before that that I had last taken anything and the result is that because my gut doesn’t move without a red hot poker to remind it, it hasn’t and it has been compacting and forming these lumps that I either can’t pass or pass with difficulty. From what I have read it is a good thing that they have shifted, however, I feel about it just now, as I was heading into real danger apparently. To be honest, I don’t think it is cleared completely even now, but I am getting there slowly, so the real problem now is to stop it happening again. Nearly all my diet is fibre, I couldn’t eat more fibre if I tried, so I know that isn’t the issue, it has to be just as it always is, the fact that my gut isn’t getting the correct messages and it is all just sitting there building up and up. Just like showering, which is now under reasonable control since Adam took over reminding me at twice a week to do so, it looks as though I need him to help me with this too. Why is it the embarrassing things that I seem to forgot? Anyway right now I am sure that the antibiotics are giving me enough of a kick to get what is still there out, but once clear, I am going to have to get into a routine of taking laxatives at least once if not twice a week as I can’t have this happening again and again.
My body has just taken another step into proving that my nerves don’t send the messages they should and even when reminded they can’t always cope. Clearly, the muscles in my lower bowel aren’t able to clear what is there without enough pressure from behind, as yesterday I cleared everything that was there and available, the rest was hiding out of reach and I am sure that it’s not clear now either, fingers crossed for later or tomorrow. These are the kind of hurdles that appear and you never think that it could happen to anyone, far less yourself. Yes, I could phone the doctor and I could go back into having nurses here administrating suppositories, which I proved yet again yesterday are really not something I can manage without dropping them and causing pain that I can still feel in my arm and neck now. I could go back to that, but let’s be honest who wants that, no one, if we can manage it ourselves, well that is what I would prefer, if it doesn’t work then we can look at something else, my embarrassment levels on here may appear low, but I can’t see you. This though is a perfect example of how quickly our bodies put us in danger when they physically stop working and with the added issue of a brain that doesn’t work either. If it was just one or the other, this wouldn’t have happened, but together they are a deadly combination, a combination that is only going to get worse.
Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 15/09/12 – Judging the level
It is strange how when you are given a piece of the puzzle just how many other things suddenly slot into place. Last night when I was sitting on the settee I found myself sitting in a position that I adopted ages ago where I have a cushion behind my back but I also put my right hand behind me at the base…..