The final act of life at what to me felt to much to fast, is at last at an end, the new fridge freezer arrived yesterday. The upheaval required just to get one fridge out and another in is a nightmare, it took Adam a couple of hours on Friday night to empty and move the wall unit that stands in the space beside it, one piece of furniture, but like all things that have been there for a while, filled with more stuff than it was ever bought to hold. Of course when you move things that haven’t been moved for years, you come across one horrid dirty wall and on top of that, the reminder that you didn’t move it when you last painted either. The final proof that the old one had had it, came when they picked it up, water poured out as though it was a tap, there had to have been at least half a litre, for what was a frost free unit. I have to say that I am just a bit disappointed with the new one, despite my searching and checking to find the one with the largest capacity in our price range, it is tiny in comparison to our old one, I know it was about a £150 cheaper, but the difference is amazing! Life on a budget once again causing a problem. Later today I have to work out just what we can get into it, as normally on shopping day it would not full, but well filled. We already know that with everything else in the freezer, it won’t take one loaf of bread, far less the 3 we usually had frozen. It is silly little things like that, that mean more thought and more work is required just to keep things ticking over.

This morning I have to say I am actually feeling more tired than I did yesterday, but I would, despite Adam doing all the work I was still on my feet far more than normal. It is impossible to sit on your backside and not stand up and wonder into the kitchen just to see what is going on. I had made two extra visits before the delivery men had even left the house, then I couldn’t resist helping to pull of the sticky stuff that they plaster all over everything these days, or in checking the instruction book to find out how long it had to settle before we could plug it in, or what the silly green thing was and so on and so on, well I’m human. When ever there is something going on, we are all the same, we have to be part of it, it’s not just children who have a built in ability to be in the way, when there is no reason for the presence other than nosiness. I know that there will be people who haven’t thought thing like that through, keeping to your routine and energy saving methods are easy and essential when you are in normal everyday life. Anyone who knows their home, the people in it and the daily activities, can build their routine and hold to it, all it takes though to throw the whole thing out and leave you so fatigued you struggle for days, is the friend who calls round for coffee, or the delivery man who wants you to take in a parcel for your neighbours. To the fit and healthy nothing is an issue that requires adjustment, but to me and most other with chronic illness have to adjust all the time, if the door bell ringing and requiring me to answer it, it is a major issue, especially on a bad day. It has taken me years to learn how to ignore it, although since the postman learned that I was always here to let him into the block, I have had to build his daily visit into my energy plan.

None of us want to live our lives in a isolated bubble, but to be honest health wise, it would really be preferable. Even the phone ringing is an energy drain, sit and chat for 15 minutes and you have a dead arm, pain in the hand from holding the phone and a brain that is fuzzed as it had to actually work on something more than it’s every day. Health wise, I know I should be living in a one room bubble, everything as close together as possible so there is no reason for more than maybe six steps, a solitary confinement that would instantly drive anyone mad. So it comes down to finding a balance, but I still always loaded to one side, the joy of being alive and all that then goes with it, weight it the other way and well, insanity will follow.

Each of us has to work out what works for us and the only way is through trial and error, but none of us can plan the odd mad days or week, they just have to be enjoyed, endured and recovered from. There are two types of exhaustion, one is a body exhaustion, the other is a mental exhaustion and they don’t always happen at the same time. Even getting the balance between the two can cause you either not to sleep at all, or sleep so deeply that waking is really hard. Finding your balance, has to allow for both and even once you have worked it out, it will have a limited life span as the slightest change in your health will upset it all over again. Right now I am in the recovery phase, energy saving is my most important goal today, so even my plan has to allow me to do just that, I have to hold firmly to it and shave off the odd thing here or there, until I begin to feel what I call normal, just tired, not drained of and flushed clean of life.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 17/08/12 – Extreme abdominal spasms > http://bit.ly/R6rIqQ