I managed to free my pinky on my right hand last night of the two rings that I thought would have to be cut off! I guess the reduction in fluid did help a bit, but add in the booster pill I took and I was able to just pull until it eventually slid free. Not surprisingly my finger is still clearly shaped from the pressure and the shape of the setting, I guess will be there for a long time to come, as for the rest, still stuck!
I came across on twitter yesterday someone who is campaigning on behalf of the abused children of Ireland, a story that has been very much in the news in the past few years, but I was surprised to find that they wanted me to explain why I wanted to follow them when our missions on Twitter were so clearly different. I didn’t need to think for a second before answering their question, but it did leave me thinking afterwards. When I started writing I thought I was writing firstly for myself but if others were going to read, they would like me also be housebound or would have MS. It grew quickly to include everyone and anyone who has a chronic illness of any kind, it was so clear that we all shared not just symptoms at times, but we shared the same challenges. There were also many many people who weren’t ill at all, who read and commented, they too were finding thing that applied to themselves or opened their eyes to why friends and families who were ill acted and did the things they did, suddenly I was writing for everyone.
The same path was travelled on twitter, but there I had a growing group of people who didn’t read my blog at all, they were simply finding inspiration and meaning in my tweets and that brightened their day. I found myself where I never intended, but I was happy to fill that role as it allowed me to be myself, not held back by my health, or age, or anything else. Here I am a person held back in life by so many things, helping those who were living average every day lives, lives that any one could lead, just in need of a smile now and then. Yesterday wasn’t the first time I was challenged, I have had my fair share of hecklers and miss-believers, people who can’t accept that I don’t have some kind of motive, or alterer reason for all I am doing. I genuinely feel sorry for them, as from experience I have found that they carry a scare that just won’t heal and it makes them suspicious of everyone. I found myself going over and over their question in my mind, what got me more than anything is something I have never understood, an attitude that you can only be interested in or passionate about only one thing, to the exclusion of all others.
I have so many times in my life found myself having to defend my interest in many different things. I remember being at a formal dinner at one of the Navy bases and being seated at the same table as a German officer and his wife, she had made some comment about a building in Berlin that had survived the war, I then said that I had always want to explore the feelings of Germans towards the war as I didn’t fully believe what I had been told. She burst into tears and I was left trying to explain I was genuinely interested, but was shut up by others. It wasn’t quite as bad as the day I decided to start questioning a known drug dealer about his life, that didn’t go down well either. Why is it so unbelievable that someone can be really interested about a vast array of subject, to be interested enough to ask genuine questions simply for the sake of knowledge, or even care deeply about more than just one thing?
I have always cared about people, even if they are people I don’t even know or will never meet, it’s just me. Those interests and feelings have grown since I became housebound, it may just be because I have the time or the space to fully let that side of me show, or I no longer fear being pinned against a wall and threatened, but I care now far more, than I ever did. I have developed a passion to make life better, not just for me but for everyone. I know all to well how life takes away, but I have found it also gives back, maybe knowing my life has a clear limit and I want others to see that theirs are to, there’s never enough time to be happy. Illness changes everyone, some wallow and become depressed, others obsess about getting well when it’s impossible, others just get on with their lives, ignoring the truth until they can’t, me, well I have learned to care about everything and everyone. I embrace all who follow me, those who ask questions, those that want my help, or even just want to be there in the back ground with the odd hello or retweet, why, because I am me!
You can’t go through a life like mine without it making changes all over the place, I guess I was born a carer, but it doesn’t matter how many reasons I have to be the opposite, it has never happened and I hope it never does.