After more than a month of searching on line and driving myself slowly mad, I have at last an e cigarette set that actually works, it actually works a lot lot better than the one I had before, even when it was new, well as far as my memory allows me to be sure. When I was made redundant I spent some money buying a large quantity of nicotine capsules for the version of e cigarette I already had. I bought them in the full knowledge that the point would come when money would force me to cut back on the real thing, there was one thing I didn’t allow for, that when that time came I wouldn’t be able to remember exactly which batteries and atomizers worked with them. I knew when I set up the old one that there was something very wrong with them but I guessed that like most rechargeable batteries they had degraded, none of the on part of the e cigarette, had a code number or name printed anywhere on them, so I bought what I thought were the right ones, wrong again! Oh they looked right, but they connected to nothing I had, I then added into the mix a totally new item, a ‘pass-through’ which guess what didn’t fit anything either! By now I was really driving myself totally mad, so I bit the bullet and changed over system which meant buying a new charger and more, luckily the cartridges fit perfectly and I can say I have now joined the millions who are ‘Vaping’ as it is called, well between the real ones, they will always be there, I just need to fix the problem of the ‘pass-through’ now.

I know it is just a silly little thing but all those problems I had with the e cigarette has actually made me think. As very much the home builder I have bought almost everything that is in the house, Adam never seemed that bothered so I bought the items I liked and/or knew how to use. I have always had the habit of when I bought a new item, I throw away all the instruction leaflets and so on, as I had never kept them. As things stand now I think that Adam does know all he needs to about most household items, but I could see a lot of husbands who’s wife becomes ill and suddenly she has no memory, or way of teaching him about the important things required in running a home. But I do know were Adam is totally lost, is when it comes to what is actually worth money in our home and what isn’t. I know that when I die Adam will radically change our home, he doesn’t have the love I do for ornaments and crystal, so much of what is all around our home will probably find it’s way into the bin or charity shops. In that process he will be throwing away cash, money I am sure he would much rather have for himself. Somewhere in my head is a list of which items, their makers, what they cost and what would be a fair sale price, all of it is in my head not his. Unfortunately there is nothing that is worth life changing money but still nice to have sums, ask any women and I bet there are items that her husband doesn’t have a clue about and probably wives who haven’t a clue about what their husbands have bought. None of us ever think about the fact that at some point in our future we won’t be able to pass that information on. I know that it has probably been a problem since the beginning of time, but I personally would be turning in my grave to think that what I saved for, paid for and loved, was just dumped into the hands of those who don’t have the slightest idea, but there is just too much in our home to sit and try and catalogue it all, something that has been on my list of things to do for over 5 years now.

I guess the real problem is that none of us want to admit that we are not going to be here for ever. Even knowing that the clock is ticking, hasn’t made me really accept that time is now limited, that belief of it won’t happen is still to strong to see past. I don’t know where it changed but I do know that as a child you never believe that you will be old, I remember clearly thinking that I would never even live to be 21, then it went to 30 and next 40, how could I, me, myself ever be that old, I would die before that happened to me. I don’t know where or at what age it happened, but suddenly I became immortal. Somehow I was suddenly never going to die, I was content in the idea that I would age, ageing was an OK thing and I had forever ahead of me. I know from talking to others over the years that it is a universal condition, every step through life is mirrored in those around us and we all feel just the same. Thanks to my health I am facing these steps and hurdles before the average lifetime would bring others to these thought.

One small item that needed fixed has opened up a train of thought that is so huge it is actually over powering, there is so much a head of me that I and I alone know how to fix, or what it is called or worth, but everyday that passes I have less and less chance of ever remembering the important little details. From documents about pension, grave plot, insurances and family history, the memories tied to items, belongings from generations gone, all where I know they are and what they mean, I know today but what about tomorrow? I alone hold all the important details, the whys and wherefores, all being forgotten but long before I am gone.