A slow decline

The days between things are always kind of strange, it is like being caught in limbo waiting for the second half that just feels so far away. Yesterday I was really quite whipped and I spent much of the afternoon happily in my bed, not really sleeping but in that wonderful in between state where you are just drifting in time. Adam wasn’t home until after 7pm last night as there is overtime on offer just now something which is much needed, so he has asked to be working three nights a week. Although not going to the wedding he will be here with me on Thursday so we can watch it together, and with it being the long weekend thanks to the Easter holidays his overtime isn’t really going to be felt until next week. It feels as though there hasn’t been what I would call a normal week at any point this year so far, what with hospital appointment, Adam catching up with holidays and Teressa getting married everything has been changing all the time. I am kind of looking forward to having a few weeks of normal, steady, unchanging life. I guess that is the normal way of humans, we hate being bored or stuck in a rut but can’t wait for normality to return.

I am still really tired and I have a sore back to add into my normal mishmash of aches and pains. I think it might have been the way I was sitting for so many hours on Monday, but the just left of my spine in my ribcage is constantly painful. Oddly I noticed yesterday that when I was lying down, it felt as though there was a large lump, not allowing me to lie normally on my back. I am guessing but I am reasonably sure that the muscles have swollen up and just need some time to settle again, annoying yes, fatal no. The longer I have been ill the more I am noticing that silly things happen to my body for very little reason. I have actually put some thought in to this and I think that the more our lives cease to be active and normal, the more things that go wrong with us. If we are not using our muscles for the things they are designed for and we rest them constantly, the weaker they get. I think that even a healthy person living my life would start to go through some of what I do. Clearly my illness has made it all worse, but if you don’t use muscles their bulk decreases, and their ability to withstand any use at all, diminishes. Just sitting all the time has clearly removed the muscle tone all over my body, and my weight has increased, you don’t have to have MS for that to happen. As time is passing I am increasingly getting problem related to inactivity, part of the problem I am having with my bowels is most likely because I am not taking any exercise, those problems can only increase as time goes on.

As a race we are spending more an more time just sat doing no exercise at all, believe me if I could I would. I am learning the hard way of what happens when you can’t, and I wish I could show all your couch potatoes the future you are setting up for yourselves, you might not be ill now but give it a little time and you will start to join me in a life that no one really wants to live. I find it an incredibly sad thought that those who are actually well, with nothing to stop them remaining that way, are allowing themselves to set up a future they could so easily avoid.

Somehow it feels wrong that you start out with one condition and as it takes control of your body, it invites and causes so many other conditions to join in. Fighting one illness is hard enough without having so many other to fight as well. I think that is part of the reason why when you a diagnosed the list of symptoms you can then look forward to, don’t seem to match with what happens to you. I have MS but it isn’t the reason for everything else, and I know understand why they can’t tell you what your future holds, or how ill you will get. They can’t tell you because we all collect different partners to our main illness, they can’t predict how disabled you will become or how long you have to live, because MS never seems to be the only illness that anyone ever has. Who would have thought that the lose of the use of my hand would have been the start of my being housebound, it sounds ridicules, but because of everything else one small change, changed everything. Just as one small change in the life of an otherwise fit person, could keep them fit for ever.