A late night last night as I had to force myself to stay up and what the final of Strictly Come Dancing, well after watching for 3 months I wasn’t going to record and watch it today was I. I actually pushed myself last night as I started by eating too much, yes the Christmas menu has started. I had bought some great little mixed platers of finger foods, which are the foods I love the best, show me a prawn wrapped in filo pastry and I am there, we had 25 small taste explosions each and some garlic bread, I felt as though I had eaten my way through a mountain, but in many ways that to me is what Christmas has always been, it is the only constant in my life when it comes to Christmas, I may have spent many alone but I have never spent any of them hungry. By the time I struggled my way to bed at 10pm I was out of it, just walking there was like trying to travel of a pebble carpet, the soles of my feet stung with each step and my ankles throbbed, sending pain up into my legs, but it was worth it, good food and good TV something that so far MS hasn’t stolen for ever.
This morning well yes I am still paying for it but that is my life a choice of loads of pain with points of enjoyment, or simplicity and the minimal of everything and a less painful body. Well you know the route I normally travel so once in a while I want more than just getting from breakfast to night time again. One of the things I don’t quite understand and that is why pushing the boundaries so often means that I loose control of my body temperature, it fluxes from freezing to sweating and back without any way of finding balance. The only thing I have ever found written about temperature for both MS and Fibro has to do with the surrounding temp not your own physical temperature. I totally agree with what they say about being too hot makes you exhausted, but they don’t mention what being too cold does or what if anything your core temperature has to do with it.
I have a built in worry about Christmas one that haunts me every year and it has to do with my health. You see I have in my life spent 6 Christmases in hospital and I don’t mean the A&E department, I mean in a bed on a ward. I always approach Christmas with care but I had even that plan smashed one year when I feel and broke my ankle at 11pm on Christmas Eve, until I reach Boxing Day I don’t breath easily. It is not as though I have spent every Christmas in hospital but pre my diagnosis of MS it was very much a case of hospital stays clustered there. I know they say if you worry about something you make things happen but apart from the ankle I couldn’t have made any of them happen, so that doesn’t follow. We all seem to put ourselves through so much at this time of year, so I guess on one hand it could have just been that I had run myself in to the ground on the run up and at the point that I could breath out and say everything is done and there is no more that I can do, that my body took the opportunity to just collapse.
It is actually going to be a Christmas that will be easy to not notice as Adam put in for his holidays to late, he was hoping that he would as normal take the few days here and there that meant he had 2 weeks off but only used a handful of holiday days, that means that other than the assigned bank holiday days, he will be working just like any other week. That one will be a little odd, as I think this is the first time that we haven’t had these two weeks just to ourselves. It’s strange how we settle ourselves in to expecting things to be as they always are and when there are not, it feels as though life has been thrown up in the air, in reality it really doesn’t matter, I don’t work so when ever he takes his holidays we will be together, it doesn’t have to be at Christmas. We all I suppose just like thing to be the same as they always are, as it is a comforting place to be.