Moral Injury

I woke this morning think that my left arm was at last OK without the bandage and splint but I guess I was a little ahead of myself, but still no wrist splint I am at least down to just my bandage. As for the sitting well nothing has changed at all, last night I couldn’t sit properly on the settee, I guess it has to do with my upbringing but I have never lain on the settee or sat with my feet anywhere near any cushion on it. I was always told I had to sit nicely and I always have, except for the last few weeks, including last night when I think every part of my touched some cushion at some point, fidgeting is to mild a word for it, Adam even gave up sitting beside me and went and laid himself on the floor in front of the TV. As reluctant as I am to spend any money these days without it being essential, I have upped this to that level and I had just ordered on line some pressure stockings to see if that helps with the pain in my legs. I did look to see if I could find some sort of other cushion but all I found were the blow up rings, exactly what the medical site I was on yesterday which said not to use them. What I am hoping is that if I can reduce the pain in my legs, I will stop shifting about all the time as I realised that the pain from my pelvic bone only started when the pain in my legs increased, guessing yes but what choice have I but to keep trying.

It is really tough when you go looking for accessories to aid with the pain, as you go from site to site, finding different things and all costing without any idea if they will really help, you could really spend a fortune on items that despite all the glowing recommendations, which I am sorry but I never believe, you have no idea if they will help in any way. At a point when you don’t have the money to speculate, you have little choice as you have read, the NHS are in no hurry to help so I have to go it alone. I suppose illness is like everything else in life, someone somewhere will find a way of making money out of it. I actually had it suggested to me that I should develop a step plan of how I am managing to deal with all of this and then sell it along with a support pack to others in my position. The idea of becoming a life coach charging huge sums of money to other who I know can’t afford it, really doesn’t sit right with me. Yes I have been thinking of writing a book, based round all the things I have written in my daily posts, but a book is a small amount of money and doesn’t promise anyone anything. A book is to read, just as my posts are, acting as a guru and charging through the nose for it, is just not me.

I worked for enough years in sales and I know and understand budgets and business principles and I do understand people have to make a living. I just think there are morals as well and I have never worked against them and nor will I, so I find it hard to understand how others can live with themselves knowing they are giving false hope to those who need real hope, more than anything else.