I am struggling with my arms and legs again, they are so tired that just sitting typing is taking it out on my arms, at this second the muscles feel as though I am carrying a heavy shopping bag, and the numb echos that you would get when you first put the bag down, is there every time I stop to reach for the mouse to correct one of my numerous spelling errors. I know that I am dyslexic but even I wouldn’t normally be making this number of errors, looking at them I would say most are actually typo’s as the error is normally one key away in any direction, I don’t think my figures care about it today. Probably a good way to describe it is to say it is like the recovery stage of a bad flu or Glandular fever, when the pain is gone but the muscles still haven’t returned, except in my case I still have pain.
Adam spotted the other day that I am not quite right at the minute, I still think I can cover these things up but he has been around me long enough to see right through my smile and words of I’m fine. As always it is my legs that are the worst, I really feel that something is brewing. Over the last few months every muscle from by buttocks to my toes have hurt, spasmed or gone numb, not all at the same time, but there is a concentrated activity that is just to focused for my liking. More than 50% of everything is now in my legs, by the end of the day I feel I am moving like a 90yr old, just getting to my feet is a painful and slow process, my speed of walking is more that of a shuffle and the pain each step is ridicules. One thing that doesn’t make sense to me is the pain in the soles of my feet. When I am sat still they are so painful that I now find myself sitting with my feet on their sides so that the soles don’t actually touch the floor. I can think of no reason why they should be like that, I walk so little and there is actually no connection between the amount of day time movement, to the levels of pain in them. I can be sat there with them both feeling as though they have been badly burnt, add to that now permanent edema, stretching the skin so that it is now tight and seems to be drying out, I would happily have a new pair of feet if they were available.
I think that anything is easier to handle when you know what the cause is, it is fine to say well I do know, it’s MS, but that often isn’t enough. I frequently can add to that and say well I did this or I did that and that was the trigger, but when something happens again and again and there is no common factor, it becomes annoying. Imagine you sprained your ankle and you did everything you were told, you kept it strapped up and lifted off the floor, walked as little or not at all and a week later it was worse. Would you be happy for the doctor to look at it and say well it’s sprained? No you to would want to know more, why it was getting worse, why the pain was worse, why you still couldn’t walk. Well I am the same, just to say it is MS is telling me nothing, my whole body is MS, but my whole body doesn’t feel like that. There often does still feel as though I have more questions than I have answers, just as I know is the truth when it comes to this condition for most Doctors. It’s not their fault they don’t have the answer, but they are my only target and my only hope of an answer as well. Yes I am shooting the messenger and it’s confusing.