The past is repeating – fact

In the last few months I have been keeping notes about my left side of my body, I am not sure why, other than an intelligent guess that I have more lesions on the side of my brain that controlled that side, I have always had more problems with it. It was the complete loss of the use of my left hand that first forced me into staying at home and working from here until I was made redundant last year. With out any use of my hand for several months I couldn’t use my wheelchair and I still can’t as I have little strength in it to this day. It took the best part of six months to get enough use of it to not require the brace I wore throughout that time. I tried hard not to wear the brace more than I had to but my hand was safer when in it than it was just dangling around from my elbow, below that point I had no sensation or reflexes, it was a constant danger to itself, I leaned quickly that the braced and held by my other hand avoided unnecessary bruises and bumps. There had been little change in it for a long time, but I notices at the same time as the pain increased in my left leg, more and more of my left arm was loosing sensation.

The palm now is almost gone completely it is a strange sensation to watch my touching it and not feel the touch. When I make a fist the palm feels as though it has died and stiffened, muscles and nerves seem to cause strange feelings around dead areas. It would be like you holding a disc of hard plastic about 2 inches round in your hand and them making a fist round it. When making a fist my finger tips no longer actually touch my palm in the normal position, I can’t get them there, if you place your finger in my hand I wouldn’t be able to tighten my fingers round it, you would feel almost no pressure, the grip has gone for all practical purpose. Add in the constant strange slow pins and needles feeling also tells the story that the nerves are trying to spark with little success, this also happened the first time round. On the good side, although my finger movements are slower they are still there, but getting the right key on the key board without checking where my hand is I totally hit and miss. From the best point that it recovered to a few years ago it is now quite rapidly regressing, bit by bit it is dieing again, I was cutting an onion the other day and my thumb collapsed, I couldn’t grip with it, I also lost all strength in the muscles in my left upper arm. There is no doubt now in my mind that it is once again dieing.

That on it’s own would be bad enough but I have also started to get some of the milder symptoms in my right hand as well. What I can and cannot do is changing again. I have mentioned little bits of this in my posts from time to time but I feel that it is no longer something to keep an eye on but to document as a fact, my left arm is vanishing and my right has quite a few sympathetic symptoms. As long as I have enough strength in my wrists then I don’t have a problem that needs to be braced, it is when the wrist goes there is no option but to brace, as a hand that hands limp on your wrist is completely useless, I am wondering though if I should by a right hand brace in case as happened with my left, I wake one morning to a dead hand.

As I learned from the first time round there is nothing at all the medics can do, I remember the look on my Dr’s face when he found not reflexes, he sort of raised an eyebrow and said ‘well, yes, it’s dead’. He looked totally lost when I asked if there was anything that could be done and all he could say was we just have to wait and see what happens. That was it, I went home knowing exactly what I knew when I went in there, this also tells me that there is no point in even telling them this time. One more step written up and a start point in many ways for a written tracking of what the future might hold. Position now, just as before, wait and see what happens.

3 thoughts on “The past is repeating – fact

  1. I am going through something similar from spinal injury. I damaged the lower spine, creating peroneal radiculopathy. I have an AFO brace for foot drop on my right side, but it is impossible to balance properly in shoes that are supposed to adapt to orthotics. The damage in my cervical spine has caused spasms that squeeze the nerve, and I spent 5 months in physical therapy, only to find I am losing the use of my right arm again. Now my rheumatologist is doubling my neural pain med, but all I want to do is sleep. Hmm…have a life with pain but alert, or get some relief but fall asleep. I’m ready to choose the latter, as I have not slept for months! The spasms are causing me to fall to the right side, where the hip is the weakest. Do you ever get a break from the symptoms of MS? I was tested for MS but the neurologist decided it was the combination of spinal injury and fibromyalgia that was the primary problem. I am so tired of the constant management, and I am amazed at your wonderful attitude and excellent website despite all you are going through. I may not have MS, but I send hugs with empathy.


  2. Sleep is my only break. My MS was RR but 11yrs ago it changed to Progressive Relapsing, meaning that I constantly get worse with some sudden jumps, no bounce back any longer just downwards. I ensure that my meds are high at night and I throw a couple of gins at to be sure that I sleep till the morning. Without sleep I wouldn’t cope at all. My goal with this site is to show the truth of my life and to show others that it isn’t the end of life being chronically ill or housebound, there is life to be enjoyed, deal with what you have to but enjoy what you have and what every you can possibly enjoy. Our lives are still important, just different.


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