Yesterday was a slow knock out by sunshine, Summer time has always been mixed blessings even long before I had my diagnosis, I avoid the Sun, inside somewhere I knew that it made me ill. I have never been a fan of the tanned skin look but it went deeper than that, I found myself always trying hard to stay out of the direct heat. Any shade was welcome and I always saute it out, going as far as crossing roads and walking down the shady side of the street even when my destination was in the sunlit side. Like many thing when I now look back on them, the reasons that I convinced myself were correct at the time, was wrong, I can now see how my brain was just trying to make sense of what was happening. I think I told people that I didn’t want to tan my skin because it was easier than trying to explain that if I went into the sunlight at all I would be ill. Everyone else saw the Summer heat as invigorating and something so wonderful that it had to be worshiped for it’s life giving energy, I was the only one who seemed to think the opposite.
I started yesterday like anyone else, on seeing the sun was shining in a wonderfully blue speckled sky my spirits were lifted. Slowly the heat rose and slowly I became tired, drained of not only the lift it had given me but also my normal life energy. As the hours went by my brain filled with the well known MS fog which thickened and thickened, I found my old friend the zombie and gave up. For all the joy that the sun brings to those around me am glad to see the Summer arrive, personally I look froward to the return of our wet grey drizzle Winters. I have been told several times that it is the heat of the Summer which upsets MS but I find that a little hard to grasp as during the Winter if you turned my central heating down or opened a window, I’d kill you. If it was heat them surely in the winter I should embrace and enjoy the cold, but I don’t, I like to think of myself as a rare and delicate orchid, that has to be carefully kept at just the right temperature, humidity, light and well out of drafts.
My body and brain are drained already if I am honest and it is only 11:30 in the morning, four hours since I got up. The wonderful Summer for most and a numb fuzzy wipe-out for those who share this wonderful condition.