Body Check

Good morning brain, I hear the alarm clock telling us it’s time to start another day. Before we move best make sure everything is there and ok.

Feet first, I apologise for walking around so much yesterday and I really did get the message form your soles. I understood quite clearly from the sharp fiery needles you communicated with, that I need to use you less. I also promise I will remember today to take my fluid meds and save you from over stretched skin. Not wearing shoes I know is a mixed blessing for you but we have agreed before it is better to risk the odd cut rather than the pressure corns caused on our deformed toes by them. It’s OK toes I hadn’t forgotten your location, I know you think you are frequently forgotten but making the nails catch on my skin won’t help me bend to cut them I promise this weekend I’ll get you some help. I understand feet that you are now in more pressure every time I stand, the extra weight effects far more than just you, but yes you do have to carry it, let me know how we can exercise and I will consider it. A quick question at this point. How do you do that totally numb to everything around you but maintain the pain within? It is really a clever trick but could we stop practicing it for a while, you’ve once again been passing the idea on to the rest of the leg and it really isn’t funny when from toe to hip you die for a while. Thank you. I know ankle you still haven’t forgiven me for braking you 20 years ago but your bad repair wasn’t my fault. I told them the messages you were sending but they said you were fine, just ligament damage, the bonnie overgrowth shows they were wrong but it wasn’t my fault the doctors made a mistake, send the pain to them please. Before I move on heels why do you keep feeling as though your bone is trying to push out through the skin? I don’t get this pain or what it is, so either let me know or stop it please.

Lower legs I know you take a real battering from this MS thing but I’m sorry I still don’t know how to stop the spasms, the pain they cause I know is unfair on you but what can I do? Your muscles tense to a mega cramp and hold, it hurts like hell and no matter how much I rub the muscles for you, they hold until ready to give up, then a strength goes with it. If I had the answer, I promise I would use it. I know you are exhausted all the time and sharp razer pains dig into your shins, I give you all the help I can but there is little left to do but push my fingers deeply into the source point. I sympathise but making it worse for a minute dulls it for several, not much of a choice I know but the only one we have. I try to sit as much as I can but that doesn’t really help that much, the constant ache tells me your under attack and defending the best you can. Your part in the battle is noted. At least knees you are and remain rather normal which believe me is nice, I thank you for that, is there any chance that you could start working as a mediator between thigh muscle and calf muscle there constant competitions to see who can create the most pain is rather childish and really needs to stop.

Now thighs what can I say to sooth you, what words would make you relax and be pain free? None I guess as over the years I have sworn at you, soothed you and cried for you, still you have found no peace. Like your sisters below the calf muscles you too spasm not so often which is good but it happens. It is your roll I know to give me the strength required to stand and walk but you fail me so often. You drain of energy before the day is even hours old and leave me stranded, are you anymore prepared for today than yesterday? I would appreciate an answer as I have an idea that it might be nice to cook a meal today, but I need your co-operation. Have a think and let me know. Nearly forgot while you are thinking about that, am I going today have that searing pain in the left buttock? Between that and the pressure on the right one, sitting was a little difficult yesterday, one side or the other would be manageable, please.

Bladder and bowel I know you refuse to speak to me but that doesn’t stop me trying to communicate with you. Hello, hello, oh come on guys stop sulking, please?

This brings us to you upper body. Well diaphragm, I can already feel the MS hugs have started for the day, so I guess I know your opinion on co-operations without asking for it. Hug away, I can’t fight it so I guess I live with it. Lungs, well you are breathing which is good to know and I don’t feel any thickness requiring an inhaler so, so far so good on that point. As points go, the sharp ones up by me right shoulder, what is that all about? I know you have happily absorbed loads of much needed nicotine and don’t worry I’m not going to withdraw it but I wish you would either tell me there is a problem or shut up I have enough other things shouting at me all day long. Don’t feel left out I haven’t forgotten you, I probably listen more closely to every section of me now than I ever have. Spine you never seem to stop twitching, I can’t remember when you last sat still unless you are pinned to the bed, given any freedom and you wobble, twitch, shift and jump. You strain at the muscles like you are trying to escape, not that I blame you, I’d get out of here if I could. With all this movement all the time you would think that it would burn some fat but no. Nothing is ever that simple is it. On the good side you haven’t caused any sever pain lately more aches and fatigue so things aren’t too bad with you. But the problems caused by you Vagal nerve is getting silly. You are supposed to make my gut work, tell the muscles to process food, but you’ve stopped. The meds they have supplied are there to help so please stop making violent reaction to them and try harder to keep my heart at the normal rate, passing out isn’t that much fun.

Next, yes hands and arms. You two worry me all the time, you never seem to just be there as you once were. Left arm you are terrifying I wait daily for you to die again. Every morning I expect to try and make you switch off the alarm to find you don’t move again. You never really recovered from the last time and you are fragile I know that but having got you back I would really like to keep you. I can live with the constant pain, the piercing pain in my fingers the numbness in the palm, I can put up with the tightening cuff on my upper arm, the tremors and weakness, I can take all of this and more if I have to, just stay with me please. Your friend on the right feel frequently as though it is copying you but I am glad not to the extent of your mastery. Please stop teaching it, you both are really needed in my life.

And now we get to you head,if you could just remember to remember that would be a good starting point. I am trying to work out if any part of you head works OK. Mouth you need to work on simple things like talking without a stutter and confused words, you choke on food and sometimes water and still to this day forget at times how to sort out changing from one to the other. Lets try to day just to not choke on anything shall we? Eyes, just take it easy I need what of you that works to keep working and ears you hear but the balance channels need help. Spines jerking probably makes things harder, sorry. Oh and lastly comes you brain. Well lets see, each day you are fogged, you forget, get confused and loose control of all the above. I guess we just have to agree you are there and we have to work together today, is that OK?

That’s it body the deal for today is settled time to turn the alarm off and start the day. Dam it, right arm what are you playing at this wasn’t the deal what’s with the pain in my finger?

2 thoughts on “Body Check

  1. You certainly have our heartfelt sympathy. The important thing is that you are being as positive as possible, which is always a winner sooner or later. We look forward to your next visit.


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