To infinity and beyond

I really am getting better or at least leveling out, as although I don’t actually feel fitter in myself, I have started making plans and working on ideas. A really good sign. The past week I have felt like doing little other than sleep or vegetable mode, right OK I know that isn’t politically correct but neither is MS and as it is my final destination, I think I am allowed.

Adam has returned to work today with his double checking that I am OK before he headed out. I don’t know what he thinks will happen just because he isn’t here. I am well past the stage of being too pigheaded for my own good, I no longer have a mad turn and pull the ladders out of the cupboard so I can wash the ceiling. There is a point I am sure in all illnesses that you have to simply accept some limitations and stop pushing yourself to the limit and beyond.

In the past I have found myself sitting at the bottom of ladders confused by my position, as I was sure I was at the top. Pulling myself across the floor searching for something that I can climb up on, as the floor that I was cleaning turned into a human magnet and I can’t get off it and even sitting on top of the kitchen drainer working out how to get onto the floor again, as I had been standing on it to clean the window.
No longer do I try to reach, bend, stretch, climb, run or dance they all always land in disaster. I had to take the hint eventually but Adam seem to think I still do loads of silly things I shouldn’t. I am no more invincible than do I need to be wrapped in cotton wool.

Taking your time to plan though simple things actually makes you realise just how stupid you have been in the past. I’m sure we have all in our lifetimes, instances we remember with a cringe at our own stupidity. When you have to remember what you actually can do, you start to see things very differently. Everything that took no thought, now becomes a long embedded equation with factors like fatigue, energy reserves, flexibility, pain levels and more. I expect I probably would be very good at risk assessments these days, a health and safety dream.

Looking back over my life I think the silliest thing I ever did was to run away from home when I was 12. The reasons why I ran at this point are not important, what is was the fact that aged 12 I managed to be missing for nearly 3 weeks and I hitched all the way from Aberdeen to Stratford-Upon-Avon via Wales. I had taken some money with me so I wasn’t sleeping ruff I had been staying in Youth Hostiles, using my own name, just a different date of birth, but still I wasn’t found. It was a school friend that I phoned one night who told them where I was. I still wonder how I managed to find nothing but helpful friendly people where ever I went. My family must have gone through hell, while I was having a great time. I took lifts in cars, lorries, with anyone who would stop for me. The first day I made it to Edinburgh, I still remember feeling fantastic that night, no fear of anything and planning my adventure that was supposed to take me to London. Now I am so glad I didn’t make it, what could have happened if I had managed to disappear into the millions who lived there I have no idea.

If only the innocence of a child was the true picture of life, the world would be a wondrous place to be. Mind you it’s not that dull a place just as it is.

10 thoughts on “To infinity and beyond

  1. Mmmmm. Accepting the limitations is the hardest part. I once trashed a very good camera in my frustration at not being able to scramble over some rocks to get the angle I wanted on a photo. :**:

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  2. Great to hear you are feeling better ! A very interesting post. And yes, we have all done things we shouldn’t – like going trekking in the himalayas just a few weeks after recovering from glandular fever, then wondering why I was finding it a struggle, especially at high altitude. (I did have a great holiday but probably should have waited a while).
    I am now suffering from some sort of chronic fatigue and can hardly walk to the end of the street without getting tired for days afterwards, so as you say, I do have to plan things and allow for rest periods. I do hope to make a full recovery but don’t know when.
    take care and all the best with the adventure that is called life.
    Keggy x

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  3. Sorry to hear you have fibro, I share that one with you, it’s strange how once you have an autoimmune illness others seem to like to join it. When you are fit and healthy life is so easy, illness doesn’t just change how you feel, it changes everything.

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  4. I will see if I can find it again, but you know what the web is like, unless you bookmark it it vanishes. But I read an interesting article a few weeks ago linking glandular fever to MS and other autoimmune conditions. I like you had glandular fever as a teenager, I have to take my hat off to you for managing your holiday. It took me weeks just to cope with the stairs in the house.

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  5. You are so right. I have had fibr since 1989 or that is when it was diagnosised. Of course, now it is getting worse. The worse thing is you dont look sick so everyone says get over it it is in your head. But, that so far from the truth xxxx

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    • You are right. It’s hard when you have an illness where you “look” okay. People who know you tell you how good your color is and sometimes I want to scream at them, “But I’m not okay!” So much I suck it up. It’s been so long since I’ve been okay. When people ask you how you are doing most really don’t really want to know. It was the drs in the late 80’s who thought all women needed anti depressants when they couldn’t diagnose them. One of my early diagnoses was fibro among others. It was really hep c.

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