“Its just so much easier to hit a convenient avoidance button than to tell people youve decided to do the opposite of whats best for you.” I read this line on an American blog site this morning and it rang out so clearly as true, I realise that it’s a system that a lot of us use because simply turning round and saying “That isn’t what I want” is so hard and causes such tiring argument, that avoidance is the simplest course.
I am luck that one of the people who is important to my life and future, my husband, actually now allows me to say how I feel without trying to tell me I am wrong. It took several years of battling my corner as he watched my health destroying me, for him to slowly understand. My MS is progressive, this means that my body now controls me, rather than the other way round. I and only I can say what is the best way for me to make it easier to live with.
Doctors want to help but I slowly learned that they can’t. The only help they can be to me now is by slightly helping with controlling the pain. If you read all the slips of paper that all my daily tablets come with, you would see that I shouldn’t be sat here typing, actually I simply shouldn’t be sat here. Yet still I feel pain, still I can’t always stand-up as my legs have red hot knives feeding their way through them.
I used to tell no-one that I wasn’t going on with one tablet or another as I knew what they really did or didn’t do. You can tell me a million times that it works, but I am the only one who can actually truly say yes they do or no they don’t. It’s wrong that anyone has to avoid saying something about themselves just to keep the peace.
I know I smoke too much, I know I drink too much, I don’t need a doctor or the government to tell me that, yet I’m not allowed to say “So what if they kill me at least I won’t be trapped by this shitty MS”! Tell me you gurus of the health world, what is wrong with getting the pleasure I do, from something that isn’t illegal. Can you hand on heart say you would choose to live to be 100 if you lived as I do daily? Just because some of us, for reasons that are personal to us, choose to do other than what you think is right, mean that we are not allowed to say so, without you going nuts!