The itch scale

Everyone knows the some of the major symptoms that go along with different chronic illnesses. The biggies like loss of balance in MS, or memory issues with Parkinsons, but quite often, it’s the odd little things that go with them, that really drive us mad. Everyone at some point in their life will have had an area of skin that just won’t stop itching, but there is nothing there to be seen, well those are the sort of things I’m talking about. Those annoy “itches”, that just don’t go away, expect, these aren’t itches. Right now, for me, my itch, is my throat. I mentioned the other day that I have a problem swallowing, well that is only part of the story. I have several issues with my throat, some serious, other clearly on the itch scale and I know that the other day, I made light of the subject and moved on, but it’s more than an oddity, it is a slightly scary oddity, annoying and often drives me right up the wall. I don’t know exactly what causes it, but sometimes, when I am just sitting and doing what we all do, breathing and swallowing our saliva without any conscious thought, suddenly, my throat just locks up. It feels a little like there is suddenly a vacuum that is so intense, that I can’t breathe, swallow or oddly even open my mouth without forcing it to. I don’t mean with my finger, just with my brain, it has to be a conscious thought. Otherwise, I go into this cycle of trying to swallow, as though I have something choking me, but I can’t and don’t need to cough, as there is nothing there.

The first time it happened, I admit that I was scared. I honestly felt as though I couldn’t breathe and I wasn’t going to be able to take another breath. Everything was locked, set as it was and unchangeable. Sometimes, I can’t get rid of the air that is in my lungs, at others, I can’t find fresh air to fill them. It always feels as though the tubes to my nose, have closed, not as the feel when blocked, no, this feels as though they are sealed. There is a sensation similar to a vacuum in my mouth, it is so tight, that I can’t break it and it stops me doing anything about it. Personally, I think it is some sort of spasm, that closes off the entirety of the back of my mouth, throat, soft palate and nasal canals. For a long time, I thought that all I could do was to keep on trying to swallow until the spasm broke, as it always did. It took time and was extremely uncomfortable to do so, and the longer it went on, the more I would begin to panic internally, but I couldn’t see any other way around it. Adam has seen me struggling over and over with the worst and tightest one, which still distress him, far more than they do me. I eventually worked out that with a concentrated effort, I could actually open my mouth and that if I took a sip of liquid, I could trigger the instinctive action, of swallowing, and break the spasm. Instinct can work with you, or against you, as it is instinct that makes me sit fighting with it, rather than just taking a drink. When you can’t breathe, instinct tells you the last thing you should do, is add liquid. As I said, at first, it was scary, now, it is one of those annoying itches, that I just have to live with. For the last couple of days, it has been driving me totally up the wall.

That one is big and dramatic, but ask anyone with MS, there are loads of smaller ones, and some, are totally identical to an itch. The hours I have spent scratching must be in the high hundreds, but unlike a real itch, ones produced by MS, doesn’t respond to anything. You can scratch, apply gallons of cream, or have a bath, but it still itches. I have on more than one occasion, scratched my actual skin off, only stopping when the blood starts to flow. You can’t help it, you just scratch and scratch, out of pure frustration. No one pays that much attention to someone scratching, but I’ve had more than my fair share of odd looks because, I’ve been continually & violently rubbed at the end of my nose, my ears or my hands. Twitches, go next on my list of annoyance. I’m not talking about the ones people can see, they usually don’t have any sensation behind them, the ones I’m talking about are actually purely a nerve signal twitch. I don’t know why, but it has always been my nose that does it the most and annoys me the most. Even though I know it isn’t moving at all, I can’t stop feeling a little bit like a rabbit, and fearing that what others might see. Even when I am alone, it doesn’t take long before I am angerly rubbing and vocally showing my frustration as I do so. Whilst I am on the subject of noses, there is one other annoying thing they do, although, I have to admit, this belongs really low in the annoyance scale, but my nose drips without any drip. Honestly, it can feel as though there is a droplet, just sitting there ready to fall, when theirs nothing there at all and just like the invisible twitch, they keep happening.

Finally, in position four on my annoyance list, are jerks. I know “jerks” annoy everyone, but it’s not that type of “jerk”. Mine are those sudden involuntary movements. Some can make me laugh, like when I’m sitting totally still and my hand or foot will suddenly flys up in the air, but when your entire body suddenly jumps, it’s not so funny. Like all the annoying things, they don’t all just happen once and vanish, jerks can repeat and repeat and repeat. Most people will have had those moments when trying to go to sleep, and their body suddenly jumps, waking them up again. Well, it’s not dissimilar to that, expect, I can be eating, drinking or doing anything at all. When they go into repeat, well I’m sure you can imagine, what that would be like 10, 15, 20 times in one hour. It makes life difficult. Go and search as much as you like and I promise, you won’t find any of these on a symptom list, but there very much part of my life and the life of millions of others. If I’m honest, they can at times be far worse than the spasms or any other officially listed problem, it’s just no one tells you about them. Just as everyone with MS, doesn’t have the same combination of symptoms, I’m sure that each person could make up their own list of annoying things. In fact, I bet the same could be done by every single person who has a chronic condition. Our lives are never just what the medics say, but tell them about them, and they nod knowingly, and that is almost as annoying.

 

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 08/01/2014 – Do you know, I think I do?

After more than a month of searching online and driving myself slowly mad, I have at last an e-cigarette set that actually works, it actually works a lot, lot better than the one I had before, even when it was……

 

When nerves die

Sometimes, you can write something, and you are left deep in thought, without even knowing it. It was like that yesterday when I wrote about the loss of feeling and sensation in my face. It started slowly, but as the day progressed, that snowball was rolling itself into a mass of trails all from one source, I had opened a complex maze. I am sure you know what it is like, one tiny thought opens up a million others.

It started with something that has been happening for years. The fact that at times I have problems coordinating my breathing, talking and swallowing. I landed up in hospital years ago for over two weeks, because I had a severe bout of it. So bad that I couldn’t really talk at all. I was speaking in short spurts, not full sentences, just a few words, stop, breath or swallow, then a few more. It never went away fully, and recently, I have been doing it more than usual. Add that to my recent terrible memory that leaves me stopping before the end of the sentence and just not bothering to complete it, and conversation just isn’t what it once was. But there is a third element to my issues with talking that also started years ago, but has recently picked up. It is like there is some sort of bubble, that feels almost solid sitting over my throat. I can’t swallow the saliva that is in my mouth and I can’t breath until I do. No matter how I try, I am caught in a desperate circle of trying to either breath or swallow but achieving neither. I frequently find myself move my head around, stretching my neck, trying to cough or do something that might break it without success. There is only one thing that works, I have to take a large mouthful of liquid. Once my mouth is full, the instinctive system breaks through and I swallow, clearing it and letting me move on. Occasionally, I have to take a couple of mouthfuls. All of these has one thing in common, it’s like my muscles in my mouth, neck and throat are all fighting each other. Until recently, they have just been one of those odd things that happens occasionally, now they’re happening several times a day.

My second path involved my mouth as well, this one though is totally different. The first time it happened was just over a month ago. I had taken my morning tablets and a few minutes later I could feel something trapped between my gum and my cheek. I couldn’t think what it was or shift it, by moving my cheek around and I couldn’t reach it with my tongue. I had to put my finger into release what turned out to be one of my Morphine tablets. I hadn’t felt anything between taking them and finding it sat where it was, but between the two I had walked all the way from the kitchen and sat down here at my desk. The same thing has happened over and over again with food since then. On a few occasions it had been up to an hour after eating, I have found food trapped in exactly the same way. It is one of those things that when you are on your own, isn’t really a problem at all, but no one wants to sit digging things out of their mouth when in company. I have been questioning it over and over as to what is happening and why? There is only one answer, my nerves just aren’t working properly. Just as my legs vanish totally, then return, it appears parts of my mouth is doing exactly the same thing. Not surprisingly, this only happens on the right side of my mouth, the same side as I am losing the external sensations. It appears it is far more than just skin deep.

I think it was about two, maybe even three months ago now that I wrote about an occasion when I was eating noodles and one was somehow lying across the entrance of my throat. Normally if food or anything is sitting like that, instinct takes over and your body deals with it without you even having to think, mine didn’t. It just lay there, I could even breath around it, probably a stupid thing to have tried, but I couldn’t resist trying. All the way through my normal reflexes remained silent and shut off. I remember writing about it as I thought it was such an odd and one-off kind of thing to happen, it too has turned out not to be odd or one-off. Nor has the occasions when I have swallowed food and thought it gone, only to find it returning to my mouth later, much later. It goes in tandem with food simply sticking and refusing to go downwards and I have to force it back to my mouth to try again, usually without a problem. I have grown used to the tingling and numbness inside my mouth and I am reasonably sure that my tongue has grown used to being bitten frequently. Clearly I haven’t mentioned any of these eating problems to my doctor. I don’t need to be sent back to the Speach Therapists, or the OT’s. I don’t need to be shown all the techniques of how to swallow or deal with stuck things. Nor do I want them to decide on my behalf that I need to thicken all liquids to ensure they don’t land up in my lungs. Yes, I do know what they would say.

Although the worst and strongest sensations are all on my right, it is also happening on my left side, just not quite so pronounced. Some of you might remember my telling you about occasions when it has felt as though the skin was actually sliding off my skull. Or yesterday when I described it feeling as though the center of my face had been gouged out. Sensations that cover my entire face, just as the itching sensation that leaves me wanting to scratch right through to the bone. To be honest, the itching is the only one that drives me nuts, as the rest are odd occurrences throughout the day, they happen and they are over. The itching starts and just goes from there. I spend a large part of every hour scratching at some part of my head or another. To be honest it is so much part of my day, that unless it starts leaving shadow lines from my nails, I’m not really aware at the time of doing it, it’s more a realisation that I am doing it yet again. The shadow lines as I call them, aren’t being caused by the sharpness of my nails, more by the numbness of my nerves. I call it a shadow because that is how it feels, left behind by what has long since passed. Whatever is happening, is happening to my whole head, it is though clearly centered around my mouth, neck, and right side.

I thought that I had located all of the different things that were happening, from invisible dribble to not being able to breath, what more could there be? Adam corrected that one for me last night. He was yet again asking me if I was going down with a cold or was my nose blocked. He has been asking me that on and off for weeks and my answer is always the same. This time when I answered “no” yet again, he asked if the side of my mouth was numb just then, he had it. The numbness in my mouth can actually be heard, it’s affecting my speech. I had though a couple of times recently that I could not just feel it moving wrongly, but that I too was hearing what I would say sounds slightly like a lisp or a slur. I tested it by talking as much as I could and he was spot on, my numb wrong feeling face, really was changing how I spoke in more ways than I had already thought of. Spending so much of my day alone, means that I don’t talk that much, so it wasn’t something that I would pick up on. Adam has for the two or so weeks almost driven me nuts, asking if I had a blocked nose, now I understand his question and I kind of hope it will stop.

Bringing all this together just shows a clear picture of progression yet again and one that like all the rest isn’t really going to change anything. No one can do anything about it, I wouldn’t have lived with a dead hand for a nearly a year if they could. When nerves die or start shutting down like this, all that can be done is exactly what I am doing, nothing. They will either continue along their path, or stop here and heal, or most likely, they will continue, die and if I am lucky, reroute and bypass the dead area. Today, the numbness is has spread closer to my right eye and is lower onto the tip of my chin. Nowhere is totally dead, but the worst area is still centered around the corner of my mouth on the right-hand side and seems to be still growing.

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 25/08/2013 – The good within the bad

Writing is a strange process, things just pour out of your mind into an empty space without any great thought process behind them, there hidden inside and then suddenly there in front of me. I often have found in the comments people saying that they are impressed at how….

Breaking down some fears

I had just taken my collection of medications and was sorting out my breakfast, but I kept tasting something odd, Fairy Liquid. I kept taking a mouthful of my coke to clear it, but there it was again and again. I think it must have been my fifth or sixth attempt to clearly it when suddenly there was something small and hard in my mouth. I wasn’t sure which as the coating had gone, but there it was, either my 60mg or 10mg morphine tablet. I now know that the coating tastes typically for all medicine, horrid and totally wrong for anything someone would want in their mouth. I also know that once again I am not swallowing things properly. It must have caught at the top of my throat and sneaked back up from there.

Swallowing for me has always been phasic. I get long spells when I have no issues at all, then suddenly, everything is sticking somewhere in the upper part of my throat. Usually it is slightly lower down, in the pocket that exists in the left side of my throat. Once there it isn’t a danger, but it can be really uncomfortable until the muscles relax again and release it. That is something that can take minutes or hours. Quite often though it catches above that point. I can think I have swallowed it and it’s gone, then suddenly, I have a mouthful of food from nowhere. I had noted recently that there was something new, a new twist if you like. With some foods, especially the noodles I love so much, that sometimes it doesn’t go down at all and just sits there over the entrance to my throat. It has to be light, just one or two noodles or possibly a single small tablet. It just lies there until I work on bringing it back up so I can try again. I guess that is what happened with the tablet, but this time I didn’t feel it. I am well aware of the danger that food holds for me, as there is a constant danger of any of it landing up in my lungs. That danger is amplified by the fact that I also have COPD. Food and/or liquid are a possible danger to everyone who has MS, it is a common problem and holds the possibility of pneumonia for us all. With my lungs not working properly, and not in the best condition, the danger grows.

I have now had two doses of pneumonia in my lifetime and I have no desire to have another, but I know that without a doubt, I will. The only good thing I can say for it is that you are so out of it, that you don’t actually care. That whole week last month that I was confined to bed, not because anyone told me to stay there, but because I simply couldn’t manage to be anywhere else, was a blur. Oddly, although it scared the hell out of Adam, it was strangely reassuring to me. I guess that we all fear being that ill. It had been so long since I had been that I couldn’t truly remember how it felt. I had developed this fear of what my future held, of spending all my time unable to breath and in pain. But what I had missed is that nature steps in and takes you away from it all. Your body might be incredibly ill, but your brain is blissful unaware of the whole thing. I suppose that is already happening to me. It is what I suppose could be phase one. I sleep for ten and a half hours four nights a week, and eleven and a half on the others, yes the change to those extra hours is working and will remain into the future. Add in my nap and phase one is there clear to see every day, over half of every day is spent asleep. I am out of it, away from my pain and away from all my problems. Already nature is protecting me from the worst of it. Those hours of sleep have slowly risen as my health has deteriorated and that is something I hadn’t really thought about. I know that there will be elements of my future that I don’t want to think about right now. But if my body is going to compensate by pulling me into sleeping more, inline with my health, well those fears diminish.

I was woken this morning, at 8:20. Not by my body, but by Adam trying hard to wake me. From the tone of his voice, there was clearly something wrong. In my sleep, I had somehow placed my elbow on the pad that operated the mattress elevator. Quite difficult to do, as the pad hangs off the side of the draw unit beside the bed. The top of the bed was slowly rising and I was completely unaware of anything happening. The same, unfortunately, couldn’t be said for Adam. Once awake and I had lowered it again, I lay there wondering at what point would it have woken me. I was still wondering when the alarm sounded ten minutes later. I actually think it would have taken until I slumped forward before I woke. I was still truly deeply asleep and totally unaware of it all. Sleep is my joy, it is a place that I am content as I feel no pain and I’m not fighting my useless brain every minute. I guess it’s probably happier too, as it can be a stupid as it likes without me telling it off. I fought hard to keep my hours of activity, I didn’t want to spend my life asleep, but strangely you do grow to be accustomed to it and you work your life around it. As long as my waking hours are constructive and feel right to me, will it really be that bad, maybe not.

Please read my blog from 2 years ago – 24/07/2013 – Slowly it happens

I have been in increased pain since early yesterday afternoon, I don’t know what triggered it, all I know is that I am in pain round the base of my ribs and it isn’t going away. Add to that a distinct feeling of I just don’t care about anything and you find a picture of me that says I just want to…..

Coordinating life

I didn’t notice it when I first woke up this morning, but suddenly this house is cold today. Why? I don’t have a clue as it has been a full two weeks without the heating and without feeling cold at all. It may have been the speed that I woke with and left the bedroom that meant the temperature didn’t touch me to start with, or just the fact I needed the loo. I was so pleased to wake feeling like I had to move quickly as things were at last moving inside me. I am under no illusion that I am anyway near being clear, but just going at all was enough to make me not to angry at waking half an hour early. My plan yesterday of not eating anything of any great quantity actually was really easy, I just wasn’t hungry. Each of the three pancakes and the small amounts of yoghurt that I ate, all seemed like too much for me. I don’t think that I have been this restricted in the quantity of food that my stomach will take for several years now. Just like all the times in the past, I feel fine, then suddenly, bang, I feel ill, full and unable to even put even another crumb into my mouth. I have tried many many times to just clear what is on my plate, something I was brought up to do and just never quite managed to shack. That last final little bit turns into a spell spent in hell. It makes me feel so guilty for forcing my children to eat everything on their plates, as I can remember seeing on their faces the same expression I know is on mine, one of I’ll die first before this goes anywhere other than the bin. When I have been on my own, I have quite frequently even had to spit it back out of my mouth as I am gagging on it and I can’t make it go down. Mind you I can gag on salvia at times, so I don’t suppose that is a good gauge, but at the time it is a powerful one.

I thought at first that it was just a coincident, but recently I have been finding myself more and more once again having a problem between breathing and swallowing. What with everything else going on I have been dismissing it as an oddity from the past as I haven’t been bothered by it for a long time. As I said a minute ago, I can gag on salvia and it wasn’t a joke, that is the total truth. I even landed up in the hospital once because of it, for about a month in total, I couldn’t get the coordination between speaking, swallowing and breathing right at all. In the last few weeks, I have had short spells of it. I have suddenly found myself unable to breath because all the muscles in my throat are trying and wanting to swallow, often when there is nothing there other than a tiny amount of saliva. Once that swallow mechanism is triggered it is almost impossible to stop it until it is completed. But the same goes for the need to breath, so the two land up fighting each other and I am caught in this knot of not quite panic, but yes, I would call it fear. Looking back, I can see clearly that it reappeared about a month ago. At first it was just the odd occasion but it picked up and can now happen several times a day, but I can’t trigger it. It either happens or it doesn’t and it isn’t linked to any food time, consistency or texture, just the nerves firing all at the wrong time. I didn’t break it down, but I did say the other week that I was getting spasms from my pelvis up to my jaw, well this was included in that statement.

It kept happening yesterday, over and over from when I was eating my pancakes to late in the evening when I was trying to eat some olives. I had about ten in total and I gagged and had myself caught in a spin three times just trying to work my way through them. I can’t prove it, but I would say that it is fair to say that it is all part of this madness of messages that are traveling down my Vagal nerve and producing all the wrong results. It’s odd how quickly you stop panicking about things that fundamentally are things that could kill you. Finding yourself unable to breath sounds as though it should be terrifying, I actually do remember being really scared when we went to the hospital and the doctor took one look at the mess I was in and admitted me there and then. But when you have lived with something for a few days and you haven’t dropped down dead, well it suddenly gets slotted without argument into this is normal section of your brain and once there, they are there forever. I have often wondered how a perfectly average person who has never been in worse health than having a cold, would deal with just one day in my body, how long would it be before they were demanding to switch back. I do often have to remind myself that being in pain and unable to get around, or not being able to breath, isn’t normal. I have come to the conclusion that it is yet another self-preservation thing, our brains have to switch these things into the normal folder as otherwise we would die of fear if nothing else. Just as they say that humans have managed to become the most successful animal who has managed to populate every section of the world because we are so adaptable, it is the same ability combined with our ability to accept, that keeps people like me going day in day out.

No one’s normal is identical to anyone else, it is one of those things that we all think we know about, that normal life, yet every life is different. My normality may appear extreme, but none of us knows just how extreme ours will ever become, not even me. For all I know, this is still the beginning, only time will tell, but the thing I do know is this, no matter what it holds in store for me, eventually, I will see it as normal.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 27/05/13 – The magnifier of symptoms

Some days have a feel to them, something you can’t put your finger on but you know is there, like one of those mobile itches. You scratch at it feeling satisfied that that is it, then suddenly and repeatedly it reappears a few inches from where you last scratched. Yesterday was one of those days, I kept waiting to find out what it was, but nothing seemed to happen, each hour passed……

From throat onwards

I had a lot of kind people yesterday on twitter suggesting diets and different things I could take to help with my intestinal problems. I think over the years I have tried as many different things as I can think of or have found to see if they might help, but the issue isn’t what I eat, but the fact that my the nerves from my throat down have huge issues and are just not doing what they should, pushing the food through me. That is why I am waiting to see the consultant again, as neither diet or medication are making the slightest difference. Just like the rest of me, the nerves aren’t passing on the messages they are supposed to and the result, well is nothing happens as it should.

By the time I had to take my night time meds, I knew there was no choice as to whether or not I needed to take the higher dose of laxatives, I had to. The day passed without anything happening, no pain, no accidents, just incredible discomfort and no inclination to go to the loo at all. I had spent the entire day shifting around in my chair and at times being forced to try and wonder around to ease it, as my stomach felt as though it was a pumped up balloon. Honestly, it reminded me of first stage labour when there really isn’t anything happening other than you feel as though you want to scream and climb on, lie on or sit on anything in sight all at the same time. After I had my nap, it seemed to settle a bit but I was still fidgeting enough for Adam to ask if I was OK as it was clear I wasn’t. Despite, the fact I really wanted a good nights sleep and the fear I have built up towards taking it, I knew I had to. It is surprisingly hard to actually swallow something that experience tells you is going to cause more pain, the first three times I used it, I spent most of the night sat in the kitchen exactly in the state I was in all yesterday, but with the addition of incredible pain. I know that the dose I took the night before hadn’t caused pain at all, but sitting on my perching stool measuring out and then having to swallow the horrid stuff, was hard. I even sat there for a few seconds just looking at it, before closing my eyes and throwing it into the back of my throat in an attempt to bypass my taste buds, as it’s horrid. 12 hours on and nothing has changed, I didn’t even have the wind of the night before. I am not complaining, but I really don’t understand why I am getting no pain in my stomach for the last 24 hours, it really isn’t normal at all and to be honest, I would be delighted right now if I had just one cramp or spasm, something that felt normal. At it’s very worst yesterday, I would say that it ached, nothing beyond that and I honestly even when lying down, haven’t felt anything moving, not a single thing even wind, which doesn’t mean I haven’t had any, I just haven’t felt it.

You would think that after swallowing differing numbers of tablets, from a couple to a handful, that drugs would be something I am used to, but I still don’t like them. I have gone through so many phases of them getting stuck in my throat, at one point it was so bad that I had to crush everything and coat it in different things from maple syrup to yoghurt just to get them into my system. When they started giving me slow release medications, well I had no option other than to swallow. I have lost count of the number of times that I have had to dislodge them and bring the back into my mouth to swallow them again. It is part of the reason that I have whatever drugs possible in liquid form, they may not taste nice, but they don’t get stuck. Oddly, I seem to often have more problems with the little tablets than the big ones, just like everything else with this mad condition, it isn’t logical, but it’s just the way it is. In my case, it is on the left side of my throat, I used to think that I was imagining things and that it was impossible to constantly get things caught in the exact same spot and when I had mentioned it to doctors they had sort of dismissed it. One of the nurses I saw when I was in hospital once explained it to me, apparently if the coordination of the muscles used to swallow is out of sink, it can form a small pocket-like space in which things can get caught. Once something is caught there, the muscles can’t move properly so dislodging it is really hard, that bit I already knew. If you use a stethoscope and listen while someone is drinking, you can actually hear the difference, as the liquid is caught and released. Food and tablets can get caught there for hours, I have honestly brought things back into my mouth that I ate ages before, despite having eaten and drunk other things afterwards. It can be very uncomfortable and even coughing won’t dislodge it, it seems to release when it is ready and not before. So far, it is like everything else, phasic, as it is caused by my nerves not working rather than a muscle weakness, but like every other muscle in my body, it is getting weaker and the amounts getting caught are growing. In time it could actually get so bad that it can make it hard to eat anything, not to mention the growing embarrassment factor as you spend more and more time twisting your neck and trying to either swallow or regurgitate whatever is there.

Last night I actually slept quite well, waking just once when Adam came to bed and did his usual act of practising his trampoline moves before finally choosing a position in which to then deal with his night time flees and eventually settled before going to sleep, when I also returned to my slumbers. I don’t know what time he came to bed, but it didn’t feel like it was that much before the alarm actually sounded. I don’t really don’t know how he does it night after night, but he falls asleep while lying on the settee watching TV then eventually wakes and comes to bed for the last couple of hours or so before he has to get up for work. I have never been able to sleep with any noise what so ever and I so wish I had tried earplugs before, as since I bought them, I have slept wonderfully. Mind you, even before them, I have never had the slightest problem going to sleep, it has always been a case of head on the pillow and off in seconds as long as it was quiet. The vivid dreams and pain have been the only sleep issues I have ever had and they always wake me in the middle of the night. I have now had three nights without vivid dreams, I did take a booster yesterday around lunchtime and just as I expected, taking one is not a problem. It really looks as though I am just going to have to be careful how many I take and at what time, definitely not just as I am going to bed unless there is no other choice.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 30/04/13 – One of those days

Tuesday morning and another day of shopping to deal with. I have to say this is one of the tasks that turns up fortnightly and although I am usually really happy to do it, today I just wish it wasn’t happening, but it’s feels like just one of those days. I don’t feel bad or anything, I just can’t be bothered, why, because I am human! I don’t know any more than you would were feelings like this come from, but they really are a pain………