I am really just making a start on this as at any moment the ambulance could arrive and I will be on my way for my appointment. Regardless what they do to me while I am there, nothing can possibly be worse than the simple journey up and down the stairs in the stair climber. It is just coming up to 8 am and with the appointment being for 9 am, they could arrive any moment. At least this time, we won’t have to argue with them over Adam coming with me in the ambulance. To be fair, it isn’t really an argue, more of a case of cajoling them into taking him as none patients aren’t supposed to be on board for insurance reasons. Adam made the booking this time and they just accepted that he would be with me. To be honest, I do need him with me as I find the whole thing incredibly unsettling, it’s part of this not dealing with change thing that my brain seems to find funny. Anything in life that isn’t exactly as it should be throws me into a panic and trust me, I find nothing about the whole thing anything like I would like it to be.

I honestly don’t know what it is I want from today. So many people have said that I need to have some oxygen in the house that it is something that I am now half expecting. Yes, I honestly want something that will stop these damn headaches and that really ill, lightheaded and unable to get air feeling I have when my chest clamps down. But does spells that last around half an hour really require it? I know from the results on the monitor that I bought show that I am well below normal, but I don’t think quite bad enough to be classed as in danger. Well, I don’t think so? It’s actually hard to find accurate information on, there is so much online that contradicts each other. I am inclined to go with the NHS and Mayo sites, the NHS don’t even have a section that even suggests levels. Clearly they don’t see the need for patients to understand the numbers as we shouldn’t have monitors at home. It was the Mayo site that told me anything below 95% isn’t good, as low as the 82% result I got when in bed, they say is scary. I actually found two sites that were health and fitness based and both of them had tables that told you what it should be for different sexes and ages. Confusingly, they said that down to 84% was fine? I have found this several times with fitness sites, the figures they give for a lot of things are totally at odds with medical advice or knowledge. Personally, I don’t think fitness sites unless they have a doctor giving advice to them and is accredited as such, shouldn’t give any medical advice what so ever. I even hedge my bets when giving details about my own health, that I think could affect others, by making it clear I am not a nurse or a doctor.

If the doctor was to give me some form of oxygen therapy that would take away the worst spells, I would be more than grateful, not just for me, but also for Adam. Yesterday my levels were around 90 for most of the day, his, after he was brave enough to actually put his finger into the monitor, no I don’t know what he expected either, were totally normal. I had this sudden doubt, that niggle that said that the monitor might just be faulty, it’s not. It isn’t nice finding yourself caught with your chest clamped in such a way that your lungs start to burn and the noise in your head is such that you are convinced that you are heading under an anesthetic. I will admit freely now that we are about to see the consultant, that I have worried a couple of times that I was going to have a heart attack. It was due to the pressure in my chest, the loud pulse that I seemed to feel throughout much of my body and the growing pain in my chest. Yes, I will tell the consultant. I will also tell him about all the times that I have been confused, that follow these attacks. I know that MS is famous for it and so am I, but when they directly follow an attack, well there is still a good chance that they are connected.

I guess that I am going to be late for my appointment, it is now eight minutes to nine and no sign of the ambulance. This has happened before, on one occasion I half an hour late and felt terrible when I was wheeled past all those waiting and straight in to see the doctor. They way the system works, is people like me who are being brought in by hospital transport are seen when they arrive, rather than anything to do with appointments. I have in the past been one of those patients who has watched those arriving long after me going straight in, even when there has been a delay written up on the board, in they go. It is more than annoying! I used to feel really indignant about it, but now I understand. It is to keep the transport system running, what they do is book the return trip one hour from arrival. Miss that, and you can be left waiting for hour upon hour as they try to shuffle you into another pickup, which is far harder when you need that stair-climber, there are only three in Glasgow. My worst was an 11 am appointment that I got home from after 8 pm at night. The hospital is a ten-minute walk from here for Adam. It would just be nice though when you are one of those people who is sitting there waiting and watching all this happen if someone gave you a heads up as to how things actually work. It might save a lot of raised blood pressure reading as the day goes on. I guess that there are no such thing as a perfect system, just ones that work the best they can under the given conditions.

I’m going to close this post and get it published, it looks as though all my planned times and activities are being decided by the NHS today. It is now 10:47

Please read my blog from 2 years ago – 07/09/2013 – Negative hope

I woke last night at around 5am in pain, I had to sit up as in my sleepy state I couldn’t work out what was going on so I sat up in an attempt to sorting out my thoughts and body in one. If I didn’t believe it was impossible, as I last ate at around 6pm when I had two peaches, I swore that I had woken with heartburn. I am guessing it was just my lungs as once I had myself awake……