I can’t seem to settle today, I have been flitting from one thing to another and I really don’t know exactly what I have been doing to get me from 7:30 to 11:00. I can see little to show for my time and little memory of what I have been doing. This isn’t unusual, just annoying. I sleep for around 12 hrs out of every 24, my time is limited and I like to be able to say I have achieved something each day. I really think my concentration has deteriorated since I am no longer working, I miss the structure, the process of moving through the normal daily list of things that had to be done followed by a mix of adhoc and personal projects. Job hunting just doesn’t replace it. Yes I can set a side a few hours each day to search the web, read the completely wrong suggestions sent by all the web job sites I have signed up to, yet no matter how hard I try to hold to those tasks, I find myself skipping of to something totally unconnected.
Sometimes flitting about is interesting I have found myself Googling something, then heading of into some site that actually isn’t about the search I did, it’s amazing what you can find out about things you had not interest in. I have always said my brain was full of useless information, it now appears that life is full of it as well.
On the serious side I have burnt so many meals I that I have lost count. I now have a rule that if I start cooking, I am not allowed to sit down, perch yes, sit no. Should I allow comfort to interrupt it wipes out my previous actions, pulling me into a TV show or whatever is on my PC screen. MS leaves your brain in a sort of fuzz at time where logic and memory slowly fade into the fog. On really bad days I have found myself stopping all physical action, then waiting, hoping that what ever I was doing will makes itself know again. If I try to remember it just gets worse, the medical term is cognitive dysfunction, call it what you want, it drives me mad. It’s no wonder there seems to be a path wearing itself into my carpet from my PC to the kitchen, it seems to be the room I land up in when I have no idea what I am doing, there is always something to do in there that I can use as my excuse for wondering around, unfortunately that does include food, can you buy padlocks for fridges?