Things happen

In the past few years, I have never had the slightest problem sleeping. In fact, if anything, I have slowly started to sleep more and more. My record so far, is 15 hours in just one day, 13 of them without a break. But in the last few weeks, something odd has started to happen, that I really don’t understand. Firstly, I have started waking up, sat on the edge of my bed. How I got there, I have no memory of, all I know is that I wake up because my head has dropped forward suddenly, it’s that snap action that makes me wake. Often, though, just long enough to sit upright again, then it repeats itself. Eventually, I wake and go to the loo before I head back to bed and sleep again. On a bad night, I can go through all of that three or four times.

Then came the pièces de résistance. Having gone through that palaver a couple of days ago, after going to the loo, I went into the kitchen to have a cigarette. From the moment that I settled into my wheelchair, I felt quite awake, and very much in need of that cigarette. I think I had had about three or four puffs, before settling my wrist on the counter top, with the cigarette held over the ashtray. I find that at night, doing something like holding that small tube between my fingers is hard, many have flicked their way across the room, hence my resting place. Then, well then, half way through my cigarette, I fell asleep. I didn’t wake until 3 hours later. I was slumped forwards in my wheelchair, my eyes were in line with the second draw down in the kitchen unit, and my cigarette burnt out in the ashtray. I don’t remember even feeling tired, or that I was starting to drift, it must have been a split second from awake to asleep. When I did wake, I felt exhausted and incredibly sick. Despite that I headed back to bed at speed, only to wake another 3 hours on, sitting on the edge of my bed. I don’t have a clue what is going on, or why this is happening, I just want it to stop. Nothing like this has happened to me before and to be honest, the worst thing is, I’m not getting the kind of sleep that I really need. When I sleep, my muscles have a chance to rest, something they really need, so the fact that it leaves me with muscles racked in pain, is just the cherry on top. After falling asleep in the kitchen, I’m now worried where next I will wake up. Maybe half way across the hall, or sat on the loo.

I might not have the answer to that one, but I am hopeful that I might have found if not the answer, something that should improve my eyesight. It has been getting worse and worse over the past 11 years, my left eye is affected by my PRMS, but I have Macular Degeneration in my right. It is something that affects a lot of people in later life, for me, well like everything else in my life, it arrived early. By chance, I was watching a medical show on TV the other day and they tested out some research on a way of improving everyone’s eyesight in later years. I was sat there waiting for them to debunk it, as that has been the results of so many of their tests, but not this one. Apparently, our eyesight is reliant on three what the call, macular carotenoids: lutein, zeaxanthin, and meso-zeaxanthin. All of which can be found in brightly coloured fruit and veg, especially yellow and red ones. The problem is that you need to eat so many, that nearly no one does get enough, especially not enough to repair the damage done by time.

Normally this show doesn’t recommend that you take supplements of any sort, they believe in the natural angle, but not this time, this time, taking supplements is the only realistic way to get enough. They tested it on a mixture of people and not just for anecdotal results, they carried out medical tests that can measure the levels of carotenoids in your eyes. In just 90 days, the improvement was huge, something the scientist said would continue. They recorded not just being able to see colours more brightly, but they could also see finer details, that was the point I woke up to. My eyesight is atrocious, almost everything that I see has a blurred effect to it. It doesn’t matter how close I am, the edges are fuzzed. If I cover my left eye and look at something with just my right, I have total blind spots, with tiny gaps, like looking through a piece of heavy lace. If either of these things can be fixed, or even just improved mildly, it’s worth taking one more pill a day. The pills I’m taking are called “MacuShield”, I will give you reviews as time goes on, if they help me or don’t, but even if my eyesight was normal at the moment, I would still take it, as everyone’s eyes fail in time, according to their results, this could prevent it from happening and for less than £0.02 per day.

I have had to give up so much from my life that I loved, just because of my eyesight. I don’t expect to be sat here in a year from now, doing the finest of needlepoint embroidery or working with seed beads, but it was my eyesight that took these passions from me, long before my dexterity joined in. It is one of those things that we all take for granted, we open our eyes and the world is there, in all its glory. I really do fear the day that I find nothing, as I had a taste of that about 10 years ago. It lasted two days, I could still see shapes, but little else, it didn’t matter what I tried. I was pretty close to blind and at first totally terrified. I spent the whole of the first day, sat here bent over trying to make out something, anything of what was on my computer screen. All the time I was trying to work out if I could still manage to work. Clearly, it got better and I continued to work, but I really don’t want to go through any of that again.


Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 18/09/2014 – A growing danger

I hoped that I might have a message from Jasmine this morning but so far nothing. It’s really hard when you receive a message like hers’ as technically there is nothing I can or anyone else can do to help her, as she could be anywhere in the world. For some reason yesterday, I had it in my head that she was in the…..