Living a-part

I can’t believe the difference that buying my mini fridge has made. One small black cube has really changed my day. It isn’t that I don’t have to keep going to the kitchen just to get a drink, it is the phycological change that I didn’t expect. I didn’t realise just how wound up I was getting as my bottle of ginger beer slowly emptied. There was this tension that grew, just because I knew that I was going to have to find the energy to make that trip. Each sip brought me that fraction closer and I found myself watching as the level fell and fell. Now, nothing, it’s not a problem at all, as I just have to do is stand up, take one small step, and bend to open the door. Other than somehow finding space on my desk for it, which there isn’t, I couldn’t get it any closer to me. I guess there must be small things in all of our lives that irritate us, but because we can’t see a way of changing it, we accept it as it is and we just keep going and going, without realising how much harm it’s really doing.

Yesterday, I put my plan into action and as soon as I had eaten my breakfast and taken my meds, I set about stocking the fridge with food. Adam had already taken through the four bottles of ginger and the container of water, plus the potassium tablet for me, before he went to work. Lunch yesterday was simple, I had bought two trays of Sushi when I did the shopping, so all I had to do, was to fold some tin foil and place some extra pickled ginger and wasabi on it, there is never enough of either in the trays, then take all of it through, along with my lunchtime meds. I didn’t once leave the living room again until nearly 2 pm. Everything was relaxed and my whole morning passed with such smoothness, that I could hardly believe the difference. Clearly, I can’t put my lunch in it every day, as I do occasionally like hot food, but wow, I so wish I had thought of this years ago. It is yet another example of just how back to front my life has become. After years of living in limited space, from my first bedsit in Glasgow, then a shared flat, and striving to rent bigger spaces and eventually buying one, here I am once more bringing my life down to those limited spaces again. I thought that becoming housebound had limited my life to just this flat, but now, not because I want to, but because I have to. My world is slowly being limited again. In many ways, I could quite happily reduce it down to that one room living and not notice the rest of the house is even there. When choosing the name for this blog, “Living in a limited world”, I really didn’t know how true that title would become.

I wrote a post a long time ago, in fact, it was years ago, right back near the start of my blog, that said something that I didn’t realise just how true it was. In a shorter form, basically, I said that if you get your environment right, you can be happy anywhere. Although we think ourselves to be highly complex creatures, we’re not. I can bring my life down to a few elements that I need and without, I would go stir crazy. I am sure that anyone can be happy in a housebound world, as long as you get these elements right for them. Firstly, the space in which we live. It has to be beautiful, to our eyes. Not to the eye of an OT, or doctor or anyone else. If like me, you love crystal, ignore the danger aspect and fill your home with it. What we see around us, has to inspire us, if it doesn’t you will never be happy to be sat there day in day out. Where ever your eyes fall, there has to be something you love and better still, something that makes you smile and sparks your happiest memories. Secondly, a comfortable place to sleep. Your bed must be right for you. You will slowly be spending more and more time in it, so comfort is important but don’t forget the beauty, it has to be as beautiful as the rest of your home. Too many people forget your not asleep all the time. Third, entertainment. For me, that’s easy, my computer and the TV. I don’t need any more than that, but it won’t be to everyone’s taste. For me, they do and hold everything that I need and I couldn’t live without them. If you want proof, well I’ve been here 9 years and I don’t want to be anywhere else. My home, with me in it, could be anywhere in the world and I would be happy, as long as someone can deliver me foods to enjoy and of course, Adam was with me too. The same should be said for you, even if you’re not chronically ill, you never know what tomorrow could bring.

Humans aren’t complex, we’re as simple as any other animal. We need our mates, the foods we love, and our own personally designed environments. Go and study any animal and you will find that pretty much the same, can be said about all of them. It is a huge mistake to believe that we need any more. I have heard so many times that we are social creatures and I used to believe that. As time has gone one, I no longer believe that to be true. We are social because we have to be. If we weren’t we wouldn’t manage to have a job, and to earn the money we need to live. Yes, we need someone to talk to, to share our time with, but that can be one person, no more is really needed. I no longer work and I no longer go out, I have everything I need to live happily and I don’t miss all those people I thought I needed. In fact, now that I have had people thrust upon me, I find them really hard to handle. They are invading my space, yes because I invited them to assist me, but they are still intruders, who upset my routine and force me to come up with conversation. I quite honestly think I now understand why so many Zoo animals make a racket when people stop and stare at them. They are telling us to go away, to leave them alone, they don’t need us or want us invading their space, as it is theirs, not ours. I understand it because I now feel the same.

If you can find the elements of your life that matter the most to you, the items that make you tick, then you too will be able to survive the end of life scenarios we all face, sick or not. The time will come when your home will be your world. When you are too old, or too ill to be needed by all the fake things we thought needed us. If you know what makes you tick, what makes you happy, then you too can build the housebound world that will carry you through your final years. It is a fact of all our lives that eventually, we all land up here, looking out at the world and hopefully content, to not really be part of it.


Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 17/07/2014 – One question

I couldn’t bare to open my eyes this morning, I just didn’t know how to as even the light in the bedroom was hurting them. I for one and I am sure there are many out there the same, I often find that my eyes become painful when I am desperate for sleep and light becomes growingly unbearable, well that was how my eyes were when I switched off the alarm, my desire to just go back to sleep seems to be……