From throat onwards

I had a lot of kind people yesterday on twitter suggesting diets and different things I could take to help with my intestinal problems. I think over the years I have tried as many different things as I can think of or have found to see if they might help, but the issue isn’t what I eat, but the fact that my the nerves from my throat down have huge issues and are just not doing what they should, pushing the food through me. That is why I am waiting to see the consultant again, as neither diet or medication are making the slightest difference. Just like the rest of me, the nerves aren’t passing on the messages they are supposed to and the result, well is nothing happens as it should.

By the time I had to take my night time meds, I knew there was no choice as to whether or not I needed to take the higher dose of laxatives, I had to. The day passed without anything happening, no pain, no accidents, just incredible discomfort and no inclination to go to the loo at all. I had spent the entire day shifting around in my chair and at times being forced to try and wonder around to ease it, as my stomach felt as though it was a pumped up balloon. Honestly, it reminded me of first stage labour when there really isn’t anything happening other than you feel as though you want to scream and climb on, lie on or sit on anything in sight all at the same time. After I had my nap, it seemed to settle a bit but I was still fidgeting enough for Adam to ask if I was OK as it was clear I wasn’t. Despite, the fact I really wanted a good nights sleep and the fear I have built up towards taking it, I knew I had to. It is surprisingly hard to actually swallow something that experience tells you is going to cause more pain, the first three times I used it, I spent most of the night sat in the kitchen exactly in the state I was in all yesterday, but with the addition of incredible pain. I know that the dose I took the night before hadn’t caused pain at all, but sitting on my perching stool measuring out and then having to swallow the horrid stuff, was hard. I even sat there for a few seconds just looking at it, before closing my eyes and throwing it into the back of my throat in an attempt to bypass my taste buds, as it’s horrid. 12 hours on and nothing has changed, I didn’t even have the wind of the night before. I am not complaining, but I really don’t understand why I am getting no pain in my stomach for the last 24 hours, it really isn’t normal at all and to be honest, I would be delighted right now if I had just one cramp or spasm, something that felt normal. At it’s very worst yesterday, I would say that it ached, nothing beyond that and I honestly even when lying down, haven’t felt anything moving, not a single thing even wind, which doesn’t mean I haven’t had any, I just haven’t felt it.

You would think that after swallowing differing numbers of tablets, from a couple to a handful, that drugs would be something I am used to, but I still don’t like them. I have gone through so many phases of them getting stuck in my throat, at one point it was so bad that I had to crush everything and coat it in different things from maple syrup to yoghurt just to get them into my system. When they started giving me slow release medications, well I had no option other than to swallow. I have lost count of the number of times that I have had to dislodge them and bring the back into my mouth to swallow them again. It is part of the reason that I have whatever drugs possible in liquid form, they may not taste nice, but they don’t get stuck. Oddly, I seem to often have more problems with the little tablets than the big ones, just like everything else with this mad condition, it isn’t logical, but it’s just the way it is. In my case, it is on the left side of my throat, I used to think that I was imagining things and that it was impossible to constantly get things caught in the exact same spot and when I had mentioned it to doctors they had sort of dismissed it. One of the nurses I saw when I was in hospital once explained it to me, apparently if the coordination of the muscles used to swallow is out of sink, it can form a small pocket-like space in which things can get caught. Once something is caught there, the muscles can’t move properly so dislodging it is really hard, that bit I already knew. If you use a stethoscope and listen while someone is drinking, you can actually hear the difference, as the liquid is caught and released. Food and tablets can get caught there for hours, I have honestly brought things back into my mouth that I ate ages before, despite having eaten and drunk other things afterwards. It can be very uncomfortable and even coughing won’t dislodge it, it seems to release when it is ready and not before. So far, it is like everything else, phasic, as it is caused by my nerves not working rather than a muscle weakness, but like every other muscle in my body, it is getting weaker and the amounts getting caught are growing. In time it could actually get so bad that it can make it hard to eat anything, not to mention the growing embarrassment factor as you spend more and more time twisting your neck and trying to either swallow or regurgitate whatever is there.

Last night I actually slept quite well, waking just once when Adam came to bed and did his usual act of practising his trampoline moves before finally choosing a position in which to then deal with his night time flees and eventually settled before going to sleep, when I also returned to my slumbers. I don’t know what time he came to bed, but it didn’t feel like it was that much before the alarm actually sounded. I don’t really don’t know how he does it night after night, but he falls asleep while lying on the settee watching TV then eventually wakes and comes to bed for the last couple of hours or so before he has to get up for work. I have never been able to sleep with any noise what so ever and I so wish I had tried earplugs before, as since I bought them, I have slept wonderfully. Mind you, even before them, I have never had the slightest problem going to sleep, it has always been a case of head on the pillow and off in seconds as long as it was quiet. The vivid dreams and pain have been the only sleep issues I have ever had and they always wake me in the middle of the night. I have now had three nights without vivid dreams, I did take a booster yesterday around lunchtime and just as I expected, taking one is not a problem. It really looks as though I am just going to have to be careful how many I take and at what time, definitely not just as I am going to bed unless there is no other choice.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 30/04/13 – One of those days

Tuesday morning and another day of shopping to deal with. I have to say this is one of the tasks that turns up fortnightly and although I am usually really happy to do it, today I just wish it wasn’t happening, but it’s feels like just one of those days. I don’t feel bad or anything, I just can’t be bothered, why, because I am human! I don’t know any more than you would were feelings like this come from, but they really are a pain………