It’s getting harder

For the first time, I am being to feel as though I am recovering from my excesses of Thursday, it still doesn’t feel right, that so little could cause so much pain. I have though learned my lesson and today, regardless of what Adam, Teressa and John decided to eat today, I will be sticking to my normal limited diet. I know that it is going to be difficult, but I don’t have any choice really even though it rips apart all I set out to do on Thursday as far as trying to appear as well as possible, here I am having to show just what I managed to hide the other day. As always, I don’t know exactly what time they will be here, but I suspect it will be around the same time as Thursday, well at least that is what I am working towards.

I did a little reading back yesterday and I am not totally convinced that I can truly blame everything on the pizza, as I really wasn’t totally right for several days before. Following my clear through, my guts had started to play up that very afternoon and were causing full blown pain by the time I went to bed, they hadn’t been relieved at all by being emptied. I also know that there was something else that started at the beginning of the week, which I hadn’t actually written about. I didn’t mention it as it was still somewhat vague at that point, but last night I had no doubt about what I was feeling, there was a clear change in what was happening within my ribcage. I have said several times that it can feel as though I am wearing a lead waistcoat, that is somehow behind my breasts as I don’t feel any pressure over them, just over my ribs. I have become used to the spasms both in my diaphragm and my intercostal muscles and along with this almost external pressure, it is a pattern that has been with my now for about 2 years, just spreading and getting stronger and more painful as time has passed. The worse it gets, the more and more bruises are appearing around the lower part of my ribcage, these I have tracked down to being broken blood vessels that never seem to get a chance to heal as the bruises never fade, but neither do the get darker. This week there has been a change in the sensations that I feel as to date all the pain I feel although internal, is near the surface. It isn’t so much a new pain, more a new position and type of pressure, I am not sure, but I suspect that just like there is a layer of muscle over the entire rib cage on the outside, I think there must be a covering layer on the inside of them, as this is where the new tightness and pressure is. Along with it, I am also getting quite a sharp pain on my left side where the ribs attach to my breast bone and last night, also to my spine. As the pains in my stomach have become worse and worse, so has what is happening to my rib cage and diaphragm, I don’t have the slightest doubt to their connection as the constant feeling on both sides that something is trying to push its way out through my lowest ribs, is clearly going to aggravate all the rest, my larger than normal meal of pizza and pakora, just added fuel to the fire.

I try hard not to go on and on about this in my blog, but it is something that I can’t ignore and I hope finally will have an answer that might help anyone else who is similarly affected, which I now know there are. I have trolled both website and blogs, trying to find someone who was talking about anything similar, all I have ever found were brief remarks about constipation, or stomach pains that they thought were caused by certain foods. The problem with most of them was that, like many others, no one wants to talk about the physical side of what happens inside us, something that I don’t believe helps anyone. It doesn’t matter what our symptoms are, or where they are, if people don’t talk, then we all land up in a blind muddle, suffering alone when there is no reason for either. The whole thing is becoming such a huge muddle of what is triggering what, that I honestly don’t think that the Gastrologists alone are going to be able to sort it out, as I said the other day, this is where the homeopaths win, they treat our bodies as a whole, not area by area specialist. It has now been several weeks since I could clearly separate them, but I still believe it is my bowels that triggered the whole thing and is still making it all worse. I am honestly getting fed up with the speed that it is all developing, this is faster than anything I have lived with before. PRMS normally causes a slow progression, one that gradually worsens what is there whilst adding in every now and then something new, there usually are months between new arrivals, unless I am in a flare, which is a possibility, but it doesn’t feel like any flare I have had before. Spasms don’t happen in the exact same spot every single day, often lasting days for months on end, that is not normal to my condition. Nor is it normal for them to keep spreading outwards from what was a strip just 2 or 3 inches wide across the top of my stomach, lower rib to lower rib.

Today is Sunday and my daughter is on her way, well probably just woken up if the truth be told, but either way, today is not the day to get myself so locked into what is happening to my insides, this is meant to be a day of more laughter and more fun, just as most of Thursday was. Game after game is often the only way to get through days like this and sometimes those games have to be played with just that bit more skill. Heres to a good, professional game and a day that we will all enjoy and remember for that, rather than what horrors my body is planning for me.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 5/04/13 – Admit, face up, confess, whatever! >

I crashed last night at 8pm. Adam wanted to have his shower and swore he would be out of the shower in 20 minutes, rather than his normal hour and a half. I really wanted to sleep, but he clearly wanted to spend more time together, as he only got home at around 7ish, so I agreed to stay up. I should have learned by now that fighting theses things is pointless, I managed to…..