Total muscle failure

I have just lost an hour of my life in the bathroom. I woke up this morning just before the alarm sounded because of the racket coming from my stomach, there was the most amazing run of bubbles travelling around inside of me and I knew it wouldn’t be too long before I would be going to the loo, odd because I haven’t taken any laxatives. At a guess, I was putting it down to the antibiotics as they can give some people diarrhoea, not usually me, though, but it was the only thing that made sense. I managed to get through quite a bit of my morning routine before having to head off for what I thought would be just a minute or so, I was so wrong. It appeared that I had the oddest and worst constipation I had ever had, it didn’t add up but I was totally unable to pass anything although it was clearly there. The pain was unbelievable, you have to remember that I was full of Morphine at the time, but I was in so much pain that the muscles in my legs went into rapid spasms and I was breaking out in cold sweats at every attempt to shift it, it felt like I was in labour not going to the loo. After about 20 minutes of more pain a more effort, it was totally clear it wasn’t going to come out and I was going to have to come up with another plan, nature had failed. I had known for a few weeks that I have eventually managed to develop piles, something I actually expected years ago as when all you do is sit, well they just happen, but I am not that much of a baby that I can’t push past that level of pain, but apart from a small amount of blood, there was nothing else moving, all I could do was apply pressure and put it further back inside myself so I could walk.

Out of desperation, I tried one of the mini enemas that I had in the house, it is easier for me to hold onto without dropping than the suppositories, but it still wasn’t easy. I managed eventually and I held on for ten minutes, I couldn’t hold any longer but apart from the liquid and more blood, nothing else appeared other than more pain. Suppositories, apart from dropping them several times, and finding it almost impossible to get it where it was meant to be, it actually took me longer to get it in than I was able to hold onto it and it still didn’t work, whatever was wrong there was one thing for sure and that was whatever was inside wasn’t leaving. I had only one option left and to keep it simple let’s just say it involved a blue plastic glove and it worked, bit by bit. I have never known anything like it before, my muscles despite my best efforts were simply failing to do what they should and once I found the answer, I also found no reason why I had had a problem in the first place, other than my muscles had failed totally. I have had problems with my bowels now for a few years, but most of the time I have been able to manage them by using laxatives and when my muscles have failed to hold on, which happens, I have learnt to walk with a strange shuffle that means my buttock muscles hold until I reach the loo. This though is something totally new, right now I am sitting with a pad on as I couldn’t stop the blood and the ooze that are the final result, I doubt it will last long but I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to do now and wondering if this is the future or just a one off, clearly my hope is the later, but I have never known a one off to happen ever.

There are subjects like this that I find nowhere online and it doesn’t surprise me that others who write about MS, just miss it out, because for some reason we all have this taboo about even speaking about either the contents of our bladders or bowels, especially our bowels. I on the other hand, feel that we have to talk about it, as trust me there is something scary about sitting on the loo unable to go and with a stool stuck just on the edge of passing with no way of moving it. I even found myself running the thought of having to call an ambulance, but it seemed kind of a mad thing to do and on the embarrassment scale, too far up to even contemplate it for too long. But when you find your entire body breaking out in a cold sweat and muscles everywhere, but the ones that are needed, flying in and out of spasms because the pain or your attempts to push has somehow involved them and on top of that a strange feeling at times as though you might just pass out, well what are you meant to do. This isn’t something to hide, it is something that has to be known as clearly not everyone is like me and has a house filled with odd things like blue surgical gloves, I can see some people being totally panicked by it and I admit for a while I was, as I couldn’t for the life of me come up with the answer. If you know something can happen, no matter how odd or how unlikely it may feel or sound, well at least you don’t panic, you work through it.

So what now, do I wait and see if it happens again, or do I start once again the ball rolling and go through all the hell that I have in the past of doctors and nurses constantly coming to the house, at this second that is something I need to think about. I am not good at just saying call the doctor because I really don’t like them involved in my life anymore than they have to be. The last bad spell I had that I called for assistance with landed me up having every test possible on my guts and resulted with them telling me they found nothing, which didn’t surprise me at all as you can’t see muscles that don’t work, I never thought that I had anything new and they didn’t find it other than gallstones, but I doubt that they have anything to do with anything. The only other thing new is the spasms I have been getting in my stomach but that is the other end of the digestive system, so I will rule that one out. To be honest, that is why I don’t want the doctors involved, I don’t want any more test, anymore being poked and prodded just to be told they can’t find anything when I have already told them what the problem is and what will they be possibly able to do anyway? Put me back on the horrid drinks, the twice a week a nurse visiting just to inserting suppositories, a constant trail of people trying to help me and mostly failing. It looks as though I have made up my mind, I will wait for a while anyway, there is always a possibility that it is just a one off, well I have to hope, don’t I.


Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 13/09/12 – Another condition to add to the list

Sorry for there being no post yesterday but I was rather tired all day and spent the morning trying to get ready to go out for my hospital appointment and setting all the other things I do in a day done. I had been told that the ambulance would arrive between 12 and 12:30 so I have to be ready, it takes such……