Monthly Archives: September 2014

Getting angry

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I have just gone through yet another painful visit to the bathroom, it’s 11 days since I had last moved my bowels, but I have been taking a tablet twice a day that was supposed to soften the stools and I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to once again take Dulcolax. There is nothing like having a dream is there. Last night was my second night in a row of taking it and at last this morning I had a result but it was exactly what I had been trying to avoid. I have thought and thought about what could have changed in my life to cause this sudden and dramatic change and I can come up with nothing, but I have come up with a couple of things that I am going to try changing and see if they can make the slightest difference. I have porridge for my breakfast every day, but unlike most people, I like my porridge really thick and I do mean thick, you could even when it is hot actually cut it with a knife. I know that oats can hold a huge amount of liquid but as I make my porridge in the microwave, it probably doesn’t have the time to pull in the amount of fluid that they would if I was making it in a pan, so I am going to give it more time and more liquid to absorb. The other thing I am aware of is that because I have a body that likes to horde fluid in my skin, to avoid taking tablets to get rid of it, I am probably under the 2 litres I believe I should be drinking, not by much but still under, so I need to step that up, which is difficult as remember my day is about 5 hours shorter than most peoples. I know that without a doubt those extra hours in bed, spent on my back not moving is the biggest problem, as they allow my gut to just settle and do nothing, lack of exercise is a huge issue that I can do nothing about, so I have to give myself as much opportunity as possible in all other areas. I am also going to increase the Dulcoease from twice a day to three times a day, I need to find the right level for me, not what it recommends on the pack, I have some more arriving in the shopping today so I can work on that one over the next fortnight before asking the doctor again for help as it is rather expensive. I don’t know why but this is not one of the issues that I foresaw, but now that it is part of my life it is so easy to understand and so hard to correct, I guess it must be an issue for a huge number of people who just suffer in silence, again we really do need to talk.

You don’t know what I would do to just have a few weeks of what most would call normal life, rather than having to constantly fight with my own body. I suppose that I have spent my life just like most people, totally ignoring what my body really does. I used to watch my weight and kept myself physically active and fit, I never had a car so I never fell into the modern trap of not walking, I walked miles daily and did it without the slightest thought. When it came to how my body worked or why it did what it did, I didn’t really have the slightest clue, I liked to think I did, but the truth is I didn’t. Anyone out there who is reading this because they have recently been diagnosed with a chronic condition, really needs to stop worrying about their condition yet and start learning about what makes the rest of you tick and how to keep it ticking, as it without the rest of it working, well you are setting up issues for your future. I am not saying that I could have stopped my bowels collapsing into being totally useless, but I wouldn’t be spending time having to learn when my brain really is no longer up to doing the learning thing and I would have been prepared for all that has happened. In the last few weeks I have started reading online what are really PDF’s put together for health professionals who care for the severely disabled and dying, it is through these that I have learned that what is happening with my bowels was to be expected, but not one thing I read on any of the MS sites, even gave me a heads up. The fact that I have had to head off into resource material never intended for patients to read, I think is totally wrong, just as wrong as the fact I am reading document headed palliative care when I am still a long way from needing such services, just to find out the truth of what is happening today, is even worse. Why is there such a huge wall of secrecy around what happens once you are housebound and no long fit enough to exercise or lead anything close to a normal life?

I understand that many bodies that deal with conditions that can lead to being housebound and eventually bed bound don’t want to scare people by filling page after page with the details of what will or might happen, but there is a point when it has to be spoken about but still the answers always seem to be the same, we will deal with that if and when it happens. I am one of those people who find that just not good enough, I have been housebound now for 7 years, but still people seem to tip toe around me, not saying anything until I demand an answer. After 2 years of trying to get the help I need to manage what should be simple, going to the loo, finds me having to yet again do all the investigative work and then go back to my doctor to tell him what I have done, why I have done it and that I want him to prescribe the drugs I have been using as they cost too much for me to keep buying them. It just shouldn’t be like this for any condition or problem that is just part of living with chronic health conditions. Surely the first time it was clear that I was heading down the slope of not being able to manage this by myself and they had finished all the hospital test and found nothing, that there and then a program of management should have been put in place and I should have been told what was ahead of me. It should have never got to the point where my gut has stopped working and having to go through incredible pain and hours of online searching to work out for myself some processes that might just make the difference. Sorry if I am ranting, but these are the things about being ill that get me angry, after all, it is my body all I want is the full information and the way of dealing with it, whatever it is and I do mean whatever!

 

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 30/09/12 – Planting a Seed

I think my plan of sitting here at my PC is actually helping, I have spent the bulk of the last two evening just playing games while watching TV and my back is showing signs of improving. As I said yesterday I took some ibuprofen and it actually did help, Adam suggested what might explain it as in the pain was now at a level that it could help, were as a few days ago it was too intense to…..

Drunk without drinking

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I woke last night just after 1am as I needed to go to the loo, it was the scariest journey I have taken through my own home in ages. When I woke I was aware straight away that I didn’t feel right, sitting on the edge of my bed proved how right I was, I felt so completely drunk that although I knew I had had nothing alcoholic outside of my normal evening Gin and Tonic, I was questioning myself over and over. I don’t know how I got to the bathroom or back to my bed as the whole time I was on my feet, I was actually expecting to find myself flat on my face on the carpet. I have always hated that sensation and it is the reason that I have never liked getting drunk, in fact. I would go as far as to say that it is the reason that I don’t understand why anyone lets themselves become drunk. I have always been the sort of drinker who sipped slowly and made one or two drinks last a whole night, that second one was always a struggle, as I knew by the end of it I would wish I hadn’t had it as that swimming feeling would have taken over and I would be just like last night worried about staying on my feet, not that I ever remember falling due to alcohol, it was and is a constant fear. If you add in the fact that it is impossible to put on any lights to assist the passage across the hallway and my normal inability to stay firmly upright, well my fears make sense. That drunk sensation is of course part of MS and for many is one of the first symptoms, feeling dizzy and unsteady on your feet is all to familiar, it also make me look back with a question over those occasions years ago when I felt drunk after just a few mouthfuls, were they in fact not the alcohol at all. Last night though was on the plus plus side of drunk, even to the extent that I had flashing lights on the inside of my eyelids and felt as though I could be sick any second, getting back to my bed was a huge blessing and once I was lying down again, it took seconds to find sleep, but I was horrified when the alarm sounded to find that I still felt ill and if I am truthful, I still have the edge of dizziness plaguing every second, all too familiar as a hangover, which just isn’t fair as I honestly didn’t have the pleasure of enjoying anything extra to drink.

There is a twist to all of this and that is I do know that food can make me feel this way at times, it used to happen a lot but these days it is occasional and I fell right into it’s trap this morning. By 8:30 I was feeling brighter and I headed off to the kitchen to fetch my breakfast, which I enjoyed, but now, well I fell rotten, I just want to head to bed curl up and feel sorry for myself. MS and my other conditions can throw whatever they want at me and I cope, but when it makes me feel like this, well it is the one thing that always wins, the only thing that defeats me. I didn’t notice it last night as I was totally overpowered by the feeling of being drunk, but I am very aware this morning of my diaphragm and lower ribs are in a constant spasm, every time I have to stand up to go somewhere my stomach joins in which could have something to do with me feeling sick all the time.

There was one odd addition to my middle of the night wondering, I suddenly found myself with an extreme itch in the middle of my back, I stretched my right arm behind me and to my joy for once I could reach it, but I was shocked to find that as soon as I touched my thumbnail to my skin, it felt like I was trying to scratch my back with an ultra-sharp knife. Now this is the same nail I have been happily sticking into my skin all over the place to check how much I can still feel and all to often have found I can feel almost nothing. When I got up this morning I double checked it and it still felt the same way, so either my back is hyper sensitive beyond anything I remember, or the feeling in the rest of my body is far worse than I first thought. It brings me back to one of my favourite question, how are we supposed to know if something has changed when we can’t actually remember how it used to be? Being ill can be incredibly frustrating but not for the reasons that the able-bodied might think, not being able to walk or get out of the house, or being unable to pick things up without dropping them, aren’t frustrating, the frustration comes from all the impossible questions that other and ourselves, always want answered. I am quite sure that I could write a book filled with nothing but annoying questions.

I had some plans worked out of what I was going to do today, but that was when I had totally forgotten that Adam was off work today. It is apparently the September weekend, a very old-fashioned holiday in Glasgow which I am sure most of the people who live here can’t even remember the reason for, I have an excuse as I am not a Glaswegian, I suspect it has something to do with the shipyards, most of the odd holidays in Glasgow do. Anyway he is here and snoring happily on the settee, which means I won’t be doing what I planned, having a shower and dying my hair, it isn’t that Adam stops me doing those things, but I, of course, spend time with him talking and that means I get out of sync with what I should be doing and I just won’t have the time. So I am now putting myself back into Sunday mode, which of course means I will be lost with the rest of this week if life wasn’t confusing enough for me already.

 

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 29/09/12 – Life plus Drifting

There is snoring coming from the settee so therefore it is Saturday, lol. I sat here late last night, right through until 10 pm as I thought that sitting on the settee even with my added cushions where part of the problem with the pain in my spine, I wondered if it was possible that the harder higher seat might…..

Fit for purpose

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I want to go back to my bed right now. I was up just 15 minutes late last night and I am sure it is just physiological but I feel like I have missed half my nights sleep. Like anyone when they are tired, I am finding concentrating and staying doing what I am supposed to be doing, rather than going off somewhere to look at pictures, much easier on the brain, or check my emails, disappointing as always, is incredibly difficult. I guess all of our brains prefer to do the easy option, it’s just we don’t give into it when we are awake and totally with it, getting tired just means we drop our guard. I really didn’t need any more proof, but the second I completed the last sentence I was off, no not to some other site, but off to the bathroom to use the mouthwash the doctor sent me, a clear case of my subconsciousness ruling my mind, I was at the living room door before it even clicked consciously that I was up and walking. That is something I noted a long time ago now, that I do a lot of things without conscious thought, well it’s either that or I am forgetting I have thought about it, I actually prefer the first option. I first started to notice it when I found myself heading to the kitchen without a clue why I was even standing, I used to think that it was a twist on the normal getting to a room then forgetting what I went there for, but there were occasions where I honestly don’t remember even thinking about anything, but there I was heading with clear determination of my destination, but not knowing why until I was there. Like just now, I was heading to the bathroom without a clue but the second I reached the sink and the medicine cabinet, I knew why I was there. That is where the difference is, I don’t get there and not know, it’s just when I am walking that I don’t know why at least with this one I don’t land up having to make the journey twice to complete my need.

I really don’t seem to be able to stay still today, if it’s not taken mystery trips, it’s because the TV suddenly drops in volume and I have to get the other control to turn it up, no, it doesn’t work from up here, I can change channel but not the volume. It is just another of those annoying things, like having to fetch glasses of coke, my breakfast and so on and they just aren’t grouping together as normal. I suppose that is another problem of tiredness, you fail to think things through and to work things out as normal. I know mine is to the extreme but one of the things I have always wondered is how do people still drive when they have MS? Because I can’t and never have driven I was able to claim from one of the European funds for taxis to take me back and forward to work, I was still reasonably fit other than a lot of trouble walking in those days, but I used to sit and watch the traffic and between my failing eyesight and spells of dizziness, I didn’t have the slightest doubt that I would have been deadly to me or more likely someone else if I had been behind the wheel. Just imagine what would happen if you suddenly had a spasm in either a leg or arm, don’t tell me that either of those couldn’t cause an accident. Legally in Britain MS doesn’t stop you driving, but I honestly think it should regardless of which form as none of us know when these things will happen. There are actually only a very few illnesses that stop people driving, but I just can’t personally see how many of them manage to remain alive. I remember when I was a child I had an uncle who had diabetes, he had three bad crashes as he had hypo’s, all of them he was lucky not hitting anyone or anything more dangerous than a garden wall, he wrote off his cars, but walked away, personally I don’t think he shouldn’t have been allowed to drive at all. Apparently, we are supposed to self-assess, to me that falls apart as we have millions of drivers out there who think they can drive whilst talking or even worse texting on their mobiles, I doubt if one of them would stop just because they are ill. I know it would cost, but I think the moment you are diagnosed with any long term debilitating condition that you should have to go through an assessment every year, plus your doctors or optician should be given the power to write to the DVLA and stop you driving at any point if they believe your condition would make you a danger on the road through illness or age. I can hear voices all over the place shouting, “but I need my car, without it I couldn’t cope”, yes you would, I have never had a car and I have always coped, trust me taxis are cheaper than the running cost of a car and a lot, lot safer.

It doesn’t matter if it is driving or work, I honestly believe that if we are doing anything that could put another person in danger, that once we are ill, it shouldn’t be left in our hands to decide if we are fit to continue. I didn’t do a job that that covers, but I wish now that my doctor were restricted to just telling me that I should give up work, but they had had the power to stop me working. I continued to work for several years after the first time I was told that my health would improve if I stopped, I couldn’t see it, how could being broke with nothing to do possibly be better for me, it just didn’t make sense. I hate to say it but they were almost right, I say almost as the truth was I could continue to work but I needed it to be from home, which was the what happened. My last three years of working was completed with an improving condition when it came to everyday life as a huge amount of stress was relieved. When I stopped completely again I felt better in myself, my actual condition has continued to go downhill, but I have remained more able to cope without the pressure that work puts on us all without us actually knowing it is. If I could turn back time, I would now, knowing what I know, have handled things very differently and paid far more attention to what I was being told, but that isn’t the real world.

I firmly believe that the truth is we don’t know what is best for us, we aren’t the right person to decide if we can drive or work, as all of us don’t want to admit that we are too ill to manage anything we have been doing for the majority of our lives. It’s so hard to accept that there is anything you can’t do and taking that step is a huge issue, someone saying to you that they “think it is time for you to consider giving up work”, really hurts. I know that when it was first said to me that I left determined to prove the doctor wrong, stupid I know. Every time I heard it, all that happened was I became more and more determined, I needed someone or something to stop me, I suspect the same is true for the majority of people. I can also imagine that doctors don’t want that power, so maybe there has to be a half way person we are referred to who can assess us and give a final verdict. Something needs to change as right now, it isn’t fit for purpose, self-assessment never works for anyone.

 

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 28/09/12 – Memory Soup

I realised yesterday that my memory has more gaps in it than I thought. I was doing some writing and mentioned something from the first few years of our marriage and I realised that I really don’t remember that clearly the first 3 years. My memories of my life when I was 12 or 22 are clearer than just…..

The Muching Monster

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It’s been a sort of slow start for today, Adam is working overtime today and it kind of upset everything. Saturdays are usually started with him sleeping on the settee while I quietly work my way through my morning routine, one week days he leaves the house for work at 8:20 and I take it from there. This morning I knew he was working and that was the problem, I kept sitting here with growing pain and a desire to have my breakfast but because I work so strictly to routines, I just couldn’t work out what was wrong and I pushed myself on. It was 9am when eventually the whole thing clicked in and I stopped and headed for the kitchen. I really have lost all ability to exist outside what I know, clocks don’t matter to me any longer I work totally on what is supposed to happen once something else is completed, which for a person who was so obsessed with time that I used to have clocks everywhere, including three in the bathroom, is hard to accept. I actually still have clocks everywhere but since my eyesight has drifted, well I can’t see them all any longer and I have forgotten about changing batteries, so the clocks are there, just mainly not working and the ones Adam has looked after, all tell different times. I thought once Adam went to work I would be able to slot back into normality but then I made a huge mistake thanks to last night. The first show of the season of “Strictly come dancing” was on far too late for me to see, so it’s showing at this second so that I can watch the live show tonight, it is though a HUGE distraction, another thing that I really don’t need.

I have this vision of my future life where just to survive everything has to be strictly regimented, way beyond where I am now. I haven’t reacted well to change for a very long time now, even landing up in flat panics at times and it is another one of those things that I know is getting worse not better. It’s not like OCD where things have to be done over and over again until I feel comfortable, it more like living on train tracks which have to be perfectly aligned or my life is derailed. Right now if things go wrong I can pick a point and re-enter my routine, but I still find myself panicking for several minutes as I am scared that I have missed something or done something twice. It is like the second my brain knows there is a tiny thing wrong it becomes convinced that that tiny thing is what makes the world keep turning. I have even wondered if my need to eat the same food every day is part of the same problem, at the minute I do have the odd variation as I most afternoons have a snack of some sort, either a couple of Jaffa cakes, half a melon or a square of chocolate, but other than that it is identical every day and I have no desire to change it despite the fact I know no one but me can either understand it, or could stand not having any variation.

I was told a long time ago during one of my assessments that the damage done to my brain was demanding routine, it is the reason that I fall into complete panic when things aren’t where they are supposed to be, right down to ornaments moved by a few centimetres when cleaned. Knowing the reason doesn’t make it easier to live with, in fact it makes it all the more annoying because I have a logical answer to an illogical situation, run that through your mind a couple of hundred times and see if it doesn’t drive you as nuts as it does me, as the illogical can NEVER be logical. Right now I spend my life correcting anything that I see that is out of place, I have often wondered if that is part of my love of not opening the curtains and not turning on lights, if it’s dark I can’t see what is wrong and I get peace and don’t have to keep standing up to fix things. I don’t think I have ever tried to explain what goes on in my side me when things are wrong in this detail, in the past I have skimmed over them, just saying that it’s upsetting or that I panic, but it goes a lot deeper than that. One thing in an entire room out of place, throws me into a panic, because I suddenly don’t recognise where I am, I is as though that change means that the whole place is wrong and if the whole place is wrong, then where am I. Then starts the stupid argument in my head that I go through trying to tell myself that I am where I was a second ago, that I do know where I am, I have to be in my living room, kitchen whichever room it is and that I am not lost, I haven’t been plucked out of my home and dropped into an alien environment, but the fear, the feeling of being lost just goes on, until things are put right again and I have double checked that the room I am in is just so, correct to my brains image and I am then once more at peace with the world. I have on several occasions become so wound up by it that I start to physically shake and cry, if I get to that point, well it takes me a long time to restore calm and to settle myself back into the day.

Adam has I think only seen a couple of the really bad ones, but he is very aware that things not being right upset me. It takes me days to settle to a major change and I only settle to it when I can’t actually really see it. I know that sounds nuts, but what I mean by that is for example Adams laptop used to be kept in the cupboard, he had to take it out and set it up every night and put it away when finished. Over a one winter it started to be put under the coffee table instead of the cupboard, then occasionally left on the table, now living there permanently, but the change was made during the winter when the curtains were shut and I couldn’t really see it all day long although I knew it was there, slowly my mind accepted it’s presence and I adjusted, just as I have done to knowing there is dust sitting on things and my house is no longer perfect, slowly I do adjust, but it has to be really slow.

It is one of the things that really does play on my mind as I do fear what the future will be like, with my memory failing so often. I worry that the two combined may turn out to be a deadly combination and that I will spend a lot of time terrified by nothing more than my memory, that I could actually be the one who sets up changes at one moment putting things as they were years ago, like putting the laptop into the cupboard, only to later realising that it isn’t on the table as it has been for a long time and going through it all over again, panicking as I search for it to put it back where it was before. My brain driving me to move around, fixing things in a body that simply can’t take that type of activity, causing more pain and fatigue is simply cruel. The ultimate fear is that I might fail totally to even recognise our home as where I should be, simply because I have at that moment forgotten it totally. I know these things are lived with by far too many through conditions like Dementia, Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons, what many don’t know is they can be part of MS too and is why I often refer to it as a monster as it isn’t happy with messing about with nerves and muscles, causing pain and exhaustion, it has to eat our brains too.

 

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 27/09/12 – Outburst 

Adam’s Mum came round to the house yesterday evening, it wasn’t until this morning that I realise I was probably a little rude to her. I was in so much pain last night and I made the effort to leave this seat and move to the settee so that I could talk to her and Adam, as Adam came out of the toilet she went into the hall……

The munching monster

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It’s been a sort of slow start for today, Adam is working overtime today and it kind of upset everything. Saturdays are usually started with him sleeping on the settee while I quietly work my way through my morning routine, one weekdays he leaves the house for work at 8:20 and I take it from there. This morning I knew he was working and that was the problem, I kept sitting here with growing pain and a desire to have my breakfast but because I work so strictly to routines, I just couldn’t work out what was wrong and I pushed myself on. It was 9am when eventually the whole thing clicked in and I stopped and headed for the kitchen. I really have lost all ability to exist outside what I know, clocks don’t matter to me any longer I work totally on what is supposed to happen once something else is completed, which for a person who was so obsessed with time that I used to have clocks everywhere, including three in the bathroom, is hard to accept. I actually still have clocks everywhere but since my eyesight has drifted, well I can’t see them all any longer and I have forgotten about changing batteries, so the clocks are there, just mainly not working and the ones Adam has looked after, all tell different times. I thought once Adam went to work I would be able to slot back in to normality but then I made a huge mistake thanks to last night. The first show of the season of “Strictly come dancing” was on far too late for me to see, so it’s showing at this second so that I can watch the live show tonight, it is though a HUGE distraction, another thing that I really don’t need.

I have this vision of my future life where just to survive everything has to be strictly regimented, way beyond where I am now. I haven’t reacted well to change for a very long time now, even landing up in flat panics at times and it is another one of those things that I know is getting worse not better. It’s not like OCD where things have to be done over and over again until I feel comfortable, it more like living on train tracks which have to be perfectly aligned or my life is derailed. Right now if things go wrong I can pick a point and re-enter my routine, but I still find myself panicking for several minutes as I am scared that I have missed something or done something twice. It is like the second my brain knows there is a tiny thing wrong it becomes convinced that that tiny thing is what makes the world keep turning. I have even wondered if my need to eat the same food everyday is part of the same problem, at the minute I do have the odd variation as I most afternoons have a snack of some sort, either a couple of Jaffa cakes, half a melon or a square of chocolate, but other than that it is identical every day and I have no desire to change it despite the fact I know no one but me can either understand it, or could stand not having any variation.

I was told a long time ago during one of my assessments that the damage done to my brain was demanding routine, it is the reason that I fall into complete panic when things aren’t where they are supposed to be, right down to ornaments moved by a few centimetres when cleaned. Knowing the reason doesn’t make it easier to live with, in fact it makes it all the more annoying because I have a logical answer to an illogical situation, run that through your mind a couple of hundred times and see if it doesn’t drive you as nuts as it does me, as the illogical can NEVER be logical. Right now I spend my life correcting anything that I see that is out of place, I have often wondered if that is part of my love of not opening the curtains and not turning on lights, if it’s dark I can’t see what is wrong and I get peace and don’t have to keep standing up to fix things. I don’t think I have ever tried to explain what goes on in my side me when things are wrong in this detail, in the past I have skimmed over them, just saying that it’s upsetting or that I panic, but it goes a lot deeper than that. One thing in an entire room out of place, throws me in to a panic, because I suddenly don’t recognise where I am, I is as though that change means that the whole place is wrong and if the whole place is wrong, then where am I. Then starts the stupid argument in my head that I go through trying to tell myself that I am where I was a second ago, that I do know where I am, I have to be in my living room, kitchen which ever room it is and that I am not lost, I haven’t been plucked out of my home and dropped into an alien environment, but the fear, the feeling of being lost just goes on, until things are put right again and I have double checked that the room I am in is just so, correct to my brains image and I am then once more at peace with the world. I have on several occasions become so wound up by it that I start to physically shake and cry, if I get to that point, well it takes me a long time to restore calm and to settle myself back into the day.

Adam has I think only seen a couple of the really bad ones, but he is very aware that things not being right upset me. It takes me days to settle to a major change and I only settle to it when I can’t actually really see it. I know that sounds nuts, but what I mean by that is for example Adams laptop used to be kept in the cupboard, he had to take it out and set it up every night and put it away when finished. Over a one winter it started to be put under the coffee table instead of the cupboard, then occasionally left on the table, now living there permanently, but the change was made during the winter when the curtains where shut and I couldn’t really see it all day long although I knew it was there, slowly my mind accepted it’s presence and I adjusted, just as I have done to knowing there is dust sitting on things and my house is no longer perfect, slowly I do adjust, but it has to be really slow.

It is one of the things that really does play on my mind as I do fear what the future will be like, with my memory failing so often. I worry that the two combined may turn out to be a deadly combination and that I will spend a lot of time terrified by nothing more than my memory, that I could actually be the one who sets up changes at one moment putting things as they were years ago, like putting the laptop into the cupboard, only to later realising that it isn’t on the table as it has been for a long time and going through it all over again, panicking as I search for it to put it back where it was before. My brain driving me to move around, fixing things in a body that simply can’t take that type of activity, causing more pain and fatigue is simply cruel. The ultimate fear is that I might fail totally to even recognise our home as where I should be, simply because I have at that moment forgotten it totally. I know these things are lived with by far to many through conditions like Dementia, Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons, what many don’t know is they can be part of MS too and is why I often refer to it as a monster as it isn’t happy with messing about with nerves and muscles, causing pain and exhaustion, it has to eat our brains too.

Read my blog from 2 years ago today – 27/09/12 – Outburst > http://bit.ly/UZkOVM