I am ready

Adam tidied the house for me last night, it’s far from perfect, which is how I would have preferred, but at least it means the carpets don’t have what always looks like a trail of breadcrumbs from the kitchen to the settee, said settee is also looking as it should. The throws that cover it are now straight, no wrinkles and what should be tucked in is nicely out of sight. Even I am that bit tidier than usual, as yesterday I sat and straightened my hair a bit, not the perfect flat, that was so in fashion not long ago, more lightly pressed without removing any volume there is, an effect that survived the night. I have just brushed it and pulled a couple of pieces back so that I can see, I even spent a little while adding a touch of make up, an interesting procedure when you haven’t done it for years. I was gingerly adding a black line to the inside of my lower lid, gingerly because I wanted it around my eye, not all over my face, one of the bad things about muscles that will twitch or jump without warning, when I noticed something odd about my actual eye. I opened both eyes as wide as I could and to my astonishment there was agrayish whitish line around my entire iris, quick dash to google, which would leave me feeling worse about myself rather than better. Apparently we all have this line, it’s called “Limbal Ring”, like 99% of women I have been looking at my own eyes throughout my life and never noticed it, read further, when we are born it is black, I don’t remember even a black line, but my eyes are a really dark brown, so seeing it might have been hard, read on. It is one of the triggers that those looking at us find attractive and show our youth, do I need to read further, Bummer! As we age it fades in colour. Great so now I am an old, unattractive women, just what I needed to hear today! It really is getting harder and harder to find anything about me that triggers and ego boost these days, you would think that just once I would come across something positive, something that would boost me for just one day, maybe I should just ban Google!

With Adam busying himself around the house last night, it was once again after 8 before he sat down and we had a chance to spend some time together. Once again I was caught feeling I had to stay up as I wanted to be there with him, but my body just wanting to crawl off to bed. He hasn’t been the best of moods for the last few days, he says that he too is tired, more tired than usual, which is really odd, I did check with him and he is just as tired at work so I can scratch off the idea that we have a problem in the house with carbon monoxide or chemicals from the fridge. It was Adam who put that idea into my mind, maybe with the fridge having gone loopy, it might be leaking gasses, but that is something so unlikely that I brushed it away. The gasses in the fridge freezer are more a danger to the ozone level than they are to us and it doesn’t produce those gases it has a finite amount, if leaking it would be long gone by now, as it is still keeping things cold, the gasses have to be safely where the manufacturer put them, for that to happen. I think it will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow, Adam is actually excited about getting a new fridge, something I find a little odd as after all it is just a fridge, not a Ferrari, but if he has convinced himself that the old one is making him tired, he will be fine by Saturday evening.

At this second I am the one who is getting tired, just putting on a little make up, powder, blusher, eyeliner, and mascara, has been enough to make me feel I don’t have a great amount of energy in reserve. The reason why I don’t bother most of the time, but today, well it is different, I need to look just a little human, I decided not to try and get dressed, I haven’t worn clothes now for 5 years, even when I had to go to the hospital I just added a pair of socks and shoes, then put a black coat over me. I don’t actually really care that much about what people think any longer about how I look, well just a little, enough for a touch of make up, but my clothes, not in the slightest. I have to stop now if I am going to get this posted on twitter before they arrive, so fingers crossed for the rest of the day.


Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 15/08/12 – Confusion from my feet

I am struggling with my arms and legs again, they are so tired that just sitting typing is taking it out on my arms, at this second the muscles feel as though I am carrying a heavy shopping bag, and the numb echoes that you would get when you first put the bag down, is there every time I stop to reach for the mouse to correct one of my numerous spelling errors. I know that I am dyslexic……