I had an amazing response to the post I wrote a couple of days ago where I posed the possibility that trauma and abuse could be at the trigger to autoimmune conditions. So many just confirmed what I believe, none actually said it didn’t fit for them but I honestly think that one personally traumatic experience can make your hair fall out, well it is just as easy for it to trigger those illnesses we are all too familiar with. From 2 years of personal experience and contact with others, if I can build a picture, why can’t those who work in the field all their lives? I often think the problem is that doctors seem to still believe that physical illness has to have a physical trigger, if they can’t find a cell, virus or something broken, they are lost. I have never once been asked about my past, not once been given a questionnaire about past illnesses or lifestyles, nothing that I can remember other than standard test connected to health have ever been done. If no one is looking at the picture outside their stethoscope and microscopes, how can they discount or prove any other possibilities?
I have given myself a new challenge and for me, it is a biggie, nothing to do with health just to broaden my knowledge of something I love history. In secondary school history was centred around world war one, but they were determined to thump into us nothing but dates of when battles happened, nothing to bring the war alive in our minds in any way. The result was that I really hate world war one, even though I love documentaries, if one comes on about WW1 I change channel. So here is my challenge is to fall in love with WW1, just as much as I love the medieval, Plantagenets and Tudors, Ancient Egypt and WW2. It is a huge challenge believe me, but this is the best time to go for it as there is so much planned to be on TV in the next 5 years that the opportunity is at the best it ever has been. I honestly believe that our Schools have managed to put children off more subjects than they have inspired to actually learn about them. The sad thing is that so many leave school and never try to learn more, or to correct the damage that was done, I have always tried to keep learning, hence, my list of historic eras and people that I now love, being housebound has to be the best opportunity that anyone will ever have to learn. I can hear a lot of voices asking “Why?”, “What good will it do me?” Just because you can’t use the knowledge for a future job, doesn’t mean there is no point. It is actually amazingly uplifting to discover you can firstly still learn and secondly, that almost everything out there you could choose to learn about is interesting, even science.
The really big thing about learning as an adult is you don’t have to sit exams, so those exact dates, don’t matter, nor do you have to remember the entire periodic table, well unless you want to. Learning as an adult is about absorbing knowledge about what interests you, without the fear of not being able to dictate it word for word. All you have to do for a start is to watch a few programs or documentaries to see what grabs you, then well you just go from there in any direction you choose and it’s fun. There is nothing like discovering a new interest and with so much time in which to explore that interest, you simply can’t loose. Keeping your mind active is one of me personal biggest beliefs for surviving illness, achieving personal goals are my second, so learning something new is tailor made for keeping you feeling alive and connected to life and best of all, it’s FREE. Between the TV and the internet, you no longer need textbooks or trips to the library, everything is there just waiting.
I have had millions of people trying to tell me over the years that you have to stay positive, or be strong to keep going and that I need to fight this illness, well sorry they are all wrong. Surviving illness is all about not forgetting to live, life isn’t false smiles, mental or physical strength, or even about wearing boxing gloves all the time, life is about growth, fun and happiness, illness doesn’t change that. I’ve got this far because I have done everything I can to keep “living”.
I know that those of you at the start of learning to live with chronic illness will read this and go well it’s all right for you to say all that, but I can’t. I remember all to well the first few months after I was diagnosed, just feeling as though my entire world had just been pulled away from me. I was still working, still getting on with things but inside I was letting myself die. It was me that was dying, not my body, not because of my illness, but because I had stopped really living. I had already spent 20 years living with it, all that had changed was it was now progressive and I had a name for it, nothing else. It took me time to realise that I was the one who had given up and I was the one, the only one who could change that. Trial and error has found me with a life that I am happy with but when I look at what makes me happy, well it is those simple things that always made life happy, doing thing, learning things, expanding everything all the time to take in just that bit more of everyone’s lives. It may not feel like the right route for you, it might not be, but until you try, how will you ever know? Don’t try anything and absolutely nothing will ever change.
Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 24/02/12 – MS Brain Fog
Two Rooms Plus Utilities 