An appetite for inaction

I woke this morning with one small problem, breathing. For once this has little to do with my COPD, this is the fault of yet another cold that Adam caught and, of course, means I then catch it as well. My head felt like it had been covered in a soft fuzzy shell, making it feel so much bigger than it is and smothered in a way that lying down again always feels like the best option. One of the things I have maintained is that my alarm clock is master, I have no options or choices, once it has sounded I am up and part of the rest of the world. Even waking with my lungs totally filled with gunk, I had no desire to cough as my throat was sore and I felt that the best option was to leave the gunk where it was for the time being. Just as always once you are actually up and about you don’t really feel as bad as you thought you were on waking, something I find doesn’t just apply to a cold, but to all my ailments. Unfortunately, coughing isn’t something that you can resist for too long, but my throat had calmed after I had taken several sips of my obligatory glass of coke. I know that some of the meds I am on are designed to loosen phlegm from the tiniest space, I thought that within a short time of taking my tablets and inhaler I would have no choice but to cough but just like the last cold I had, my lungs now feel much clearer but I still haven’t really coughed? It’s now 3 hours since I took all my meds and again just like the last cold, I really don’t feel that bad now, proof that something in my medical concoction really does sort out a cold, I’m just not sure which tablets they are.

I really do seem to be having a prolonged spell of my nerves producing mad sensations, my hands still haven’t settled down, they seem to be perfectly happy quietly burning away to themselves. The only change that seems to have happened is that they seem to be more painful than they were a couple of weeks ago, along with the tips of my toes, I don’t know the connection, my finger joints keep having what I can only describe as a feeling that is close to that of being stung repeatedly. I already had both pins and needles and lightening bolts, so for a time I thought that this new sensation was a variance on one of those, but now I am not so sure, they really do have a different feeling, something unique to themselves. It isn’t just my hands though, something is happening to both my arms, I am getting less and less able to lift simple things like the kettle. I had to ask Adam the other day to not leave it sitting with quite so much water in it as simply making my porridge in the morning was getting more and more difficult. It doesn’t seem to matter what I lift now, there is always intense and focused fatigue left behind, just as there is from typing, every muscle movement is now felt right up my forearms and even at times into my upper arms as well. Try for the next twenty minutes to actually feel what muscles you are really using for every action you take, it’s one of the things that I think both MS and Fibro actually make you very aware off. I can track with ease just what else is involved in just lifting one finger, or getting to my feet just enough to rearrange my dressing gown to make myself more comfortable. So simple, such tiny actions, but all have a cascade effect through, other places you might never even think about, if you happen to have a really bad cold or the flu just now, you will understand just what I am talking about.

Adam seems to be getting rather exasperated with me just now, I have always been a faddy eater and it has been perfectly normal for me to eat the same thing every day for anything up to 6 months and on occasions longer. Those fads have been anything from honeydew melon to porridge, last year it was salad wraps, breakfast, lunch and tea, whatever it is I pick on, that is normally the only thing I eat. Adam is so used to it now that he has given up arguing with me over what the food is and just lets me get on with it, but I until now I have always eaten in the evening, not now. My fixation, this time, is slightly different, I now have porridge in the morning and around 1 pm I set to on a side plate filled with wonderful cheeses sliced as thinly as I can and oatcakes, but for some reason I find myself unable usually to eat anything after that. Every evening he offers to cook me something and every evening I tell him I just don’t want anything as I am still full, it is then that the grumble of “biscuits and cheese” followed by exasperated, outlet of air. We are now on our third month of grumbles, grumbles that make no sense as if you could see me it is clear that I am far from starving, I could in fact not eat at all for several months before I would need to worry. I don’t know where this eating of just one thing for months came from but ever since I left my first husband it has been the way I live. There isn’t any food I can think of that I wouldn’t eat if it was put in front of me, out of politeness, but allow me to choose and boy am I choosy. The things I want to eat even have to be presented correctly or I just loose my appetite and I will only pick at it. But I do actually agree with Adam over one thing, not eating in the evening, that is something I have never done before, missed breakfast happily, but dinner, never! Something really has taken away my appetite, it hasn’t been great for a few years but lately, it is worse and that’s where the biscuits and cheese is great, I can pick at it, taking over an hour to clear the plate, but I do clear it as soon as I can.

I have never heard of either MS of Fibro effecting appetite, yes there are a lot of problems when it comes to swallowing food and thanks to a bad flare I even found myself on a gastric nasal tube, eating has been difficult before, but this is different. Yes I choke on everything and nothing at times, but for the last few months, I just don’t want to eat, I prepare two meals and I eat them, but it’s a struggle no matter how much I love the food I am eating. It’s nearly lunchtime again, so time to start the preparation and eating once again.

Please read my blog from 2 years ago today – 21/02/12 – Close encounters of the floor kind

Today is turning out to be just a bit wild. I have managed to nearly find the floor with my head twice, it really seem I have an affinity with the bathroom floor. I lost count last year of the times I manage to catch my leg or lost…..