I woke this morning on a bed that didn’t have the upper mattress hanging 3 inches over the edge of the lower and an elevator that lifted both sided of the mattresses at the same time. Adam and I pulled the webbing as tight as we could get it across the top of the base mattress after having first threaded the top bar of the elevator back into the tube it was supposed to be locked into. I really would now be sitting drawing up a hugely improved version of this contraption as now having had a close look at how it works, well it is designed to fail as far as I can see. I can now see why I have had every problem that every existed with it, but I bet that an improved version would cost to much to put into homes free to those who really need it. I have discovered one more strapping that is loose this morning but although I will ask Adam to take a look at it tonight I doubt that it is really that important, more a guide strap than a holding one. I have always had that sort of brain that looks as something and finds the faults quickly and with ease I also find a way of improving it. Often though I know it is just me being picky but frequently I know that just changing one small part would improve it’s efficiency dramatically, but nearly always I also see why it wasn’t done, the cost. It really is a shame when people set out to make something to help others but fined quickly that it doesn’t matter if it could change someone’s life or not, the first and most important factor always has to be cost.

I’m not sure why but there is something really nice about getting into a bed when the sheets have just been changed. I know that some of it has to do with the fact that they duvet is fluffed and as are the pillows, but sleep just seems that bit more welcome when there is a fresh smell and a bed that you sink into and are cocooned by. It doesn’t take away the pain but it makes is less oppressive, your mind is taken over by what is good rather than what is bad. I know when I went through to the bedroom that I was in pain, my left leg and lung where both working on making life hard for me, but finding comfort so quickly just makes all the difference. I guess that is the truth about most things in life, that a little extra comfort changes how we feel about a lot of things, even pain. Just knowing that there is a place where you can lie down and be surrounded by comfort that touches all your senses, well it does make a huge difference. We all have those things that just give us a lift, some will find it in food, other by having a vase of flowers to enjoy, or a pet to love, where ever it comes from most are simple, but change everything. For me, well you guessed it, probably because I spend most of my life there, I love a bed that is fluffed up from the mattress toppers to the duvet, there isn’t another place in the house quite like it. I just wish that a version of it could be put together here at my PC, and yes I have tried it, but sitting just destroys the whole thing.

For the last few days I have actually found sitting more and more uncomfortable, for once this isn’t down to pain in my backside, it is in fact coming from just above my waist. I seem to have this sharp pain in my back around my kidney area that I know isn’t my kidneys as such, as it eases when I lean away from the pain, almost as though I am pinching something unless bolt upright. The slightest lean and the pain starts, sitting totally upright isn’t something any of us do naturally, we all lean to one side or the other depending on where we are sitting. I have even found myself sitting forward trying to stretch out my back so that pinching anything isn’t possible, it only sort of works as you just can’t sit like that for long. As much as I love my bed and yes this pain is eased when I am there, I can’t stay there forever. It often feels as though my life is now spent fixing one pain after another, working out how to stop something happening only to find that something else will take it’s place and there I am again, having to work out what to do about the next one.

As I said this pain isn’t coming from my kidneys, it’s more likely that it is the small muscles around them, the ones that support and protect them, the kind of muscle that none of us think about. The size of the muscle doesn’t matter, it can be a major muscle like my thigh or down to the final one in my pinky, a spasm is a spasm and they hurt. I used to think that spasms only happened in your legs and that what I was feeling everywhere else had to be something else, I thought that thanks to TV as almost every depiction of someone with MS shows them unable to stand due to there leg muscles going into spasm. Well let me tell you right here and now, that that is rubbish, spasms can and do happen in any muscle, anywhere in your body. It can make things difficult as is that pain in your lower stomach a need to go to the loo or your MS locking off a section of your bowl for as long as it likes. Most spasms last minutes not hours, but I personally have found that once a muscle spasms that day, it often does it again and again, why I don’t know and I wish that they didn’t but that is the way it is. So when you find yourself doubled up in pain in the morning it kind of puts a damper on the rest of the day and sometimes the rest of the week, so there you are just waiting, knowing that it is going to get you any second now. So here I am sitting just waiting for the next pain in my back to take my breath away and stop me doing what I want, as what I want is for that pain to just go away and stay away. So here’s hoping that that last one was the end of it.