Finding hope

I have always had the misconception that life was actually meant to be simple, I don’t know who told me that or why I have managed to got it so wrong, but still to this day I have a small section of my mind that won’t let go of that wonderful but oh so wrong an idea. I am sure that most of us could sit down and write out a list as long as our arms of things that we have believed through out our lives for no reason, but have proved to be totally wrong for just as long as we have believed it. Parent really do have a lot to answer for, filling our heads with rubbish designed to not just make life sound wonderful, but also designed to fill us with false hope. In many ways that is their job, just as it is their job to protect us and educate us, preparing us for the future. I don’t know if my parents were extra good at it, or if it is more the case that I was extra good at believing it, but I still actually do have millions of strange little thoughts that warm my heart and fill me with an odd sort of hope.

I don’t suppose it really matters where hope comes from or what it is that inspires you to keep going and to keep living, just as long as it does. Hope is actually a really hard thing to quantify but a really easy thing to loose. I know that does sound really nuts when you put it like that, as how can you loose something when you can’t even really put into simple words that others would understand, but hope is actually a very different thing to different people, or maybe more accurately hope is different depending on your age and what you believe the purpose of life to be. Years ago hope for me was the simplest concept, hope was tied to being able to find work every day that paid enough to survive. Hope was a short term, short supply issue and nothing more, as all I could hope for was survival and my plans went no further. Once those were secured and I had no fear of loosing either, hope turned to finding someone to share my future was. Hope had grown from short term to long term and it was very much focused not on me but on others. The shift keep changing as once I was married and that hope was secured, it shifted again and this time my health. Hope changes, grows and is centred on a million different things to a million different people at the very same time. So to answer that simple question, “what is hope?”, may well be an impossible one to answer.

I have found over the years that hope changes and it keeps changing, as does our view of what a simple life is. My simple life will never happen, well if I won the lottery it might, not because I want wealth, but because I want a very old fashioned life, stripping it back to a quieter less cluttered life style, one we all had but now costs a lot to achieve. So I hope, not as many might think for good health, I hope for my dream of a simple life. I can for now set out my answer to that “what is hope?”, hope is a series of dreams spread over my life time, a passion of what ever it is I want in my life right now. Yet people keep saying you have to have hope, is the truth more that we have to have a dream, a fantasised dream of our future. Maybe I have just answer the question I set out to ask, maybe I actually know what hope is. Maybe I also have worked out why we have to have hope, as without it we only see more of exactly what we have and we want it to be different.

Your hope will be different from mine, your idea of a simple life will be too. My health has clearly had a huge impact on my views on almost everything in life, but the less I am able to do for myself, the more time I spend in pain and the more that my brain deserts me, I still have a ‘need’ to have hope, just not in the way I expected. I suppose that is really what I am searching for today, what is it that means my hope for tomorrow is actually the exact things I hoped for when I was well. I haven’t changed at my core, I am still totally the person who was sat here 10yrs ago, as I was 5yrs ago, I haven’t changed, it’s just my health. That I know isn’t just a good thing, it’s a wonderful thing as it proves that despite all the outward signs that I am loosing my battle, the person fighting it hasn’t been lost in the slightest. So where or way is your simple life? What do you believe hope is? Finally what is your greatest hope for your life? You might also surprise yourself at what you find out.