Chronic illness breakdown

I keep waking with terrible pain in my left heel, I know that that sounds really minor and stupid on the scale of things I live with, but it’s something I don’t totally understand. The pain can vary as to which side of my heel it is on, but the effect is exactly the same, pain when doing nothing and worse pain when trying to walk. This is far from the first time I have woken with this pain, but it is increasing in it’s frequency. I’m guessing again but all I can think of is that I really don’t move around at night even less than I thought I did. For the pain to be where it is and so intense, lasting for many hours into the day, often right through to lunchtime, adds up to just one thing, that my foot hasn’t moves over night and the pressure has held the blood away from those areas, with the result that it is almost dead when I wake. Dramatic maybe, but what other reason would make sense? I have done my best to look at it, although it is too far away to see clearly and other than an area right across the heel where the skin is thickened, I can see nothing. Just now it is only my heel but I have had the exact same pain on the end of my big toe, cause by nothing but the weight of the duvet, but I have had some success in reducing this by simply being careful how I position my feet before I sleep, there is no way of not putting pressure on my heels.

I have for many years now slept on a mattress that is supposed to reduce the possibilities of pressure sores and as none have appeared I guess that it works. Unless you have a stomach for the gross, don’t click this link as the pictures are rather stomach turning but they show an array of sores that as far as I can tell, can’t be totally avoided. “Pressure sores” It is reasonably easy to make sure you change position when you are awake but even when I do shift around, I still know without thinking about it that there are areas which seem to do nothing but cause pain, a pain that doesn’t totally vanish. To date though I have found no way of forcing myself to change position when I am asleep, as I can no longer sleep on my sides at all so even with an alarm set to wake me a tell me to change position, where am I supposed to change position to. I have to admit it is one of the things that have worried me for a while, the fact I can and normally do sleep 15 hours a day, hours that I am very aware are all spent on my back, matters or not, I guess I am very much at risk. It is easy to forget that chronic illness actually causes more problems than just the symptoms written in medical journals, I just need to look in the mirror to see that my weight has risen steadily as my mobility has reduced. Despite spending all my earlier years as a very fit and active person, usually around my correct weight or a bit under, all of that has now been undone. I guess I am now clearly set up for all the conditions that go with being over weight and it is just luck that will either steer me away from them or will deliver each in turn. I know that I have said it before that illnesses seem to travel in mobs, but the difference now is, those mobs are beginning to look more serious, I already have the simple ones of IBS, eczema, Optical Migraine and all the rest, but now I am suspecting conditions I never thought I would ever have in my life. 14 conditions and counting and I know I am not the only one.

I guess we all want to believe that our lives will be simple and straight forwards, accepting the fact that old age will bring with it a degree of bad health, but none of us think that from our early 20’s onward that slope of bad health has started and there is no way back to being healthy as the condition you have can’t be cured. Somehow that condition seems to be a open door that allows the rest to join in and all of them as incurable, then aged just 52 to be looking at our own body and see what we expected not before our 70’s. That alone can often be a really painful process, mirrors should be avoided if at all possible, as the young and fit me, is still inside, now disgusted by what it has become. I now know that conditions I thought would only ever effect those post retirement are all ready a reality of my life. I found a list, something I don’t recommend that you look for, as I just kept ticking got it already, got it already, only saying no when it came to diabetics, dementia, Parkinsons and Alzheimer’s, chronic illness has aged me, a symptom in it’s own right and never mentioned I as I guess they worry about triggering the always listed depression.

So as I shift around, now thinking about pictures I wish I hadn’t found, I know that there is yet more that is now a close reality and I need to do something about it, before it does become reality. I haven’t done so to this point in time, but I think I may well call my doctors and see if I can talk to the practice nurse and see if she can tell me what I need to do at this point. There seems to be many small things that are breaking down just now, as though my health has reached a point where change is the only option. I find myself kind of lost in what I am meant to do now, it is easy to react to major problems but small things, well they remain there eating away in the back ground, undermining everything else. Change is happening and I need to get to grips with it, something I am sure I will do, so watch this space for the answer.

8 thoughts on “Chronic illness breakdown

  1. Hi m’dear. I can back up every word you have written, not so much as a sufferer but as a nurse who worked for the Leonard Cheshire Foundation. I think in terms of pain and disability, I learned more there than anywhere else and can feel for you because what ever you do, sometimes it’ll never be right.

    Your blog has been and continues to be an inspiration and a leveler too. Thank you so much for being open, honest and for me, an educator.

    Much Love to you,

    Hev aka @braintumourlady XXXX


  2. The pain in your feet could be your ms destroying your mylan sheath covering ur nerves. Also being 52 totally get where you’re coming when you say we shouldn’t have been sick tell old Age.Hugs


  3. I feel so unqualified to comment, because I have suffered so much less, and wish I had not suffered at all.

    I have fibro and arthritis, my doc said, as well as gout and premature baldness. In other words I look like Danny DiVito and walk like Grandpa Jones from “Real McCoys” back in the day.

    I have a sneaky feeling that as my casket is lowered into the ground, some guy in a laboratory, probably in Bristol England, will shout “I’ve got it” — the source of all this inflammation. Swelling where swelling shouldn’t be, except for those in Dante’s Dante’s last circle of hell.

    And I bet it’s something simple, like I didn’t eat enough chocolate on an empty stomach.

    Something, of course, is causing all this. I just wish the guy from Bristol would work a bit faster.


  4. Hi Pamela, sorry to hear of your foot/heel pain: on top of everything else you’re dealing with, it really adds insult to the illness, and that’s no small thing.

    I’m not sure what sort of mattress you have that you referred to (that’s supposed to help reduce pressure sores, but you might ask your Dr/nurse about a type of pad that has air channels in it which alternate filling and delaying (via an electric motorized pump) to automatically keep different areas of your body/skin from prolonged pressure (without having to be awake/do it yourself) … I’m not sure what they’re called, exactly. They also often use alternating pressure cuffs on people’s feet/ankles, when they’re recovering from surgeries. Not sure if you’d need either of those, but just to let you know there are preventative options out there to look into.



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