Bad day, bad feelings,

I seem to have inherited a sieve overnight in place of what I already jokingly called a brain, even writing is taking longer as if I don¬ít type quickly I lose not just the end, I completely lose all direction. So this could be an interesting post for me today if not for you, mind you it could turn out more interesting, as who knows what will come next, or how much piecing together it will require. Yesterday turned out almost exactly as I expected from when I finished my post to bed time, I was simply too tired to make much effort towards anything. It was as though I wasn’t here, doing little of any use other than to fill a space in the room, I sorted out all I had to do on line and even that took just that bit longer than it should and I happily headed of to bed as soon as it was complete. All day there was this growing feeling of not quite being here, I was disconnected from everything, it felt like I drifted through and past most of what was going on, not that there wasn’t really that much happening. Adam was busy with cleaning the living room, something I am grateful for, but it kept the conversation to a slowed level, I had to try hard not to talk about what he was doing. He always takes it as a criticism even when it’s not, so wording have to be chosen carefully, otherwise he takes it to heart and goes in a huff. He spotted that I was having problems and at around 7 he asked it I was heading for bed, knowing all to well that that was the next step in my day. I knew it was early but I had to crash out early as I simply couldn’t even find the energy to sit there watching TV.

Last night and this morning I have been loosing sensation on and off in the left side of my face, it is something that I have had going on for years, but I no matter how long I have been living with it, it is still incredibly odd. Different areas seem to first go cold and then there is a tingling numbness that grows to fill that area, followed my numbness. I know the first time it happened I actually thought I was having a stroke as it fitted in sensation to all I had heard, but I was really glad that I could still move it. Right now it is there again from in line with my eye right down to my chin, not looking at it or moving it, it feels as thought the area is sagging, again I know if I looked it would be fine as it always is. This is just one of many things that MS has and can do that simply scare the hell out of you. Even when you know what it is and you have had it before, doesn’t mean that it effects you less, you still have that initial spell where you wait just hoping that yet again it your MS playing games. I have lost count how many times I have gone through this, but none of it gets any easier, it just gets more familiar.

As early as it is this morning, I have had no other thought in my head other than going back to my bed, I am pushing myself and as I said at the start, I am just finding it hard to do anything. I’m going to end for today as I really want to sleep, I will be able to have an hour before Adam comes home for lunch.