It is beginning to feel like the entire world is against me, my PC has almost die! It thankfully gave me a message yesterday afternoon saying that the hard drive was about to die, it was so late in the afternoon that there was nothing I could do about any of it, especially as I didn’t have a single blank DVD, all I could do was switch off and pray. This morning has been spent backing up everything on to the discs Adam went out last night to buy, it is times like this, that you are suddenly really glad that supper markets don’t just sell food any longer. I now have 6 full disc so if it dies at any point now, I at least have the tools to fix it. I am guessing that it will be a case of having an engineer here on Monday to fit a new drive and this time put everything back on it, as spending another week going round and round in circles and driving myself mad.
I am actually beginning to feel really ill thanks to all of this, as I said yesterday it is really draining and thanks to that, I feel as thought I don’t have full control of anything. In the past few days I have also had another problem which I am sure is behind part of how I feel right now. I think it was on Monday that I suddenly needed to go to the toilet, to my surprise I didn’t have the usual process of having to sit there and wait while my bladder drip by drip emptied, but not this week. I found that it was gushing out of me and there was some but not serious pain at the end, to confuse me even further the same sharp pain was just at the opening to my bladder, but it spread out to the top of my leg and was also in exactly the same place in my bowel. All week it has been the same, regardless of which I have emptied, both have cause pain and just to add into this weir game, on Thursday I was on my way to the kitchen and I had to make a rapid detour to the bathroom, but not as rapid as I really needed. If all of that wasn’t enough, last night I wet myself while I was asleep. I woke due to the sensation just as it started, so it wasn’t that bad, but I have never done that before in my life although I have feared it would or could happen at any time, just part of the MS fun.
There is something about wetting yourself that feels as thought the worst thing in the world has ever happened. I suppose that it goes back to being a child and all the palaver of potty training, I’ve never even then wet the bed, but it still feels like I have done something terrible, when what I did was something uncontrollable. But I guess this means an other phone call to the Dr as there is clearly something wrong, I guess it will be more antibiotics. It is so easy for me to write all this now, but I can put a bet on it that when I have to vocalize it, I will find it incredibly hard and I will stutter and just hope he will get the picture.
Right now I have this great urge just to go to bed and sleep again, I could actually close my eyes right now and sleep sat here, that is how tired I am. All this extra work and constant brain bashing has affected every part of me. I hate it when my body want to close down like this, especially when I have so much to do. It is almost as though there is some part of me that avoids extra work, it has this much better idea, sleep! It’s 11:45 and nothing that needs doing on Facebook or Twitter has been done and I want to sleep! As I said at the beginning the world is against me, nothing is going the way it should and I have no control of any of it. May be sleep is the best option, as it is the only way that I can’t do anything more that might kill my PC for ever and to me one that doesn’t work well is better than one not working at all. I just hope on Monday it can be fixed and life will start to return to normal:)