The start of a thought….

Yesterday brought me on blessing that I had hoped would be worth the money I spent on it but like many things I had to wait and see when they were eventually arrived, confused? My new glasses arrived, the ones especially for sitting here typing! I had been a little surprised when I recieved a phone call on Friday asking if they could deliver them on Sunday afternoon but I was more than happy to say yes and just after mid day they arrived. It may sound a little silly to anyone who doesn’t wear glasses but to suddenly be able to see the screen clearly, without leaning into it, is wonderful. I discovered to my surprise about 18 months ago that there were mobile opticians and I was delighted with the ones I use daily for watching TV, but I made a huge mistake and had the lenses in my second pair changed for reading. I am sure that many people will have made the same mistake, it was the standard set up for the older people around me when I grew up, distance glasses and reading glasses. I hadn’t actually sat and thought about how little I read other than off my computer screen or TV, yes the odd food label but other than with the strongest magnifying glass, I bet very few can actually read them at all. The new reading glasses were never used, they just sat in a my case. It cost me £50 as it wasn’t a full 2yrs since they were last here but I am happy I spent every single penny of it as it has changed everything, between the two of them the world is much clearer place.

Despite sitting here smirking on the inside as I could actually see what I was doing, the rest of the day became stranger and stranger as it went on. I had started the day very much as any other day, Adam had arranged to go out for a couple of hours as he has joined the gyms run by the council, there is one not too far away and they are open 24hrs a day, so on the nights I crash out early he can now go along to the gym and do some cardio workout which he can’t do at home, he has weights and bench here but there really isn’t room for any more machines. Just after he left I headed off to bed but only managed to sleep for about an hour, waking because I was so cold. Wrapped in my dressing gown I went round the house shutting most of the windows and settled myself once agian here, but not long after I was sweating. That was exactly how I spent the next few hours, shivering at one point and sweating minutes later, taking on and off my dressing gown and opening and shutting windows.

Adam came home about 3:30 and wasn’t too happy to find the windows shut, he is one of lives fresh air fends, so I agreed for the living room ones to be opened again but within minutes had goose bumps, although try as I might I couldn’t actually remember what they were called and landed up describing them to Adam so that he could tell me. At no point did I actually feel ill, other than in the way my MS makes me feel, but as time passed that to was becoming heightened as well. By 5 o’clock I was getting some what confused and words were not coming to me with any ease, I felt disconnected from what was happening and between the fluxes of temperature, the discomfort and pain from my diagram was once again permitting me to find no way of sitting with any ease. Just like then, right now I can find no logic, other than what I have described there was nothing to account for what was happening.

I honestly wasn’t feeling ill, or even felt as though I was coming down with something, there was just the increasing discomfort and my temperature flares and drops. I put up with it until just after half past 7, long enough for my evening meds to kick in, just in case they had somehow not lasted as long as they should have, but there was no difference. I was left with just one option and that was to go to bed and sleep, but even that didn’t work as normal as it took me a long time to drop off, as I could find no comfortable position and I was still flaring in temperature for a few minutes, than crashing into being so cold I had to tuck the duvet around me. If my temperature had held at one end or the other I might of put it down to age, but I never stayed hot or cold for more than ten minutes, before it all changed again.

Right now I am sitting here as though none of yesterday happened at all, other than still the heightened discomfort from my diagram, although nothing like it was yesterday. I really can’t explain how odd it all was, but I can remember nothing like it before. To be honest it was the confusion that worried me the most, yes I do get confused but I had actually got to the extreme of actually typing things into Google just to find the word I was looking for. I actually find that rather frightening, to be that lost when all I want to do is talk, may be it’s a good thing I can’t go out and about. Actually just sitting here thinking about trying to deal with the outside world shows me it is something I would rather not have to do again. I can clearly imagine just how I would be treated by exasperated shop assistants and taxi drivers, I doubt any would be happy to wait while I checked the next word on my mobile. I have always to date seen myself as housebound due to my lack of mobility, but I suppose the truth is much bigger, I am housebound not just because of me, but also because of the rest of the world.

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