When Teressa and John went back down south we stopped talking about all the issues that had take over our lives completely. I think we needed to as there is only so much time you can talk about death and illness and we had taking it to out limits. But we do need to start talking again and this time to build plans and to start taking actions. Having a time scale to work to is a huge difference, as I really do have time to make all the plans I could possibly ever need. I am like so many people out there who has no will, and with the situation where Teressa and Adam are close to ages, actually causes more problems not less. So I need to sit and work it all out with great care, as I don’t have any lump sums of money to leave to one or the other, just what I have daily in my bank and what is here in the flat that could be sold. Then there is something that sounds simple but still has to be paid for and that is a funeral, I believe it is something that I can sort out now and make payments towards so that it is all done and dusted before it is actually required.
One of the major things that I actually spoke about months ago and did nothing about is to build a personal care plan. What I want to put together are simple things that most don’t think about, a list of the foods I either like or dislike, what kind of music and TV I enjoy and what I find enjoyable in the realms of entertainment. A simple example is one I have seen over and over again in hospices and care centers and that is a group sing song. To put it politely, I would simply kill the person who made me sit through something so horrific. There are loads of small things like that, that happen daily with the best intentions, but that doesn’t mean they are right for those forced to join in with them. None of us really want to look that far into our future but the sad thing is that it is too late to do when we are actually there, unfortunately most of us won’t be able to make our feeling completely and totally known. It isn’t just those like me who have been forced into a time scale that has to sort things out, it is also anyone who has made the first step of starting a pension. At that point we really should then complete all the rest, updating them every few years, the problems that will be avoided by having it all lain out for our families is unbelievable. I know that once we start going through all the things we can think of right now, between us we will also come up with others. I actually wish there was some sort of pack that made all of this easy, but there doesn’t seem to be one covering such a complex range of thing we need to do before we die. Within that pack could also be information on you wishes towards you body parts being used for transplant, notes on how you want to die and even your “Do not resuscitate” wishes, everything together for when it is needed. The one thing that is guaranteed is that the time will come when we all will need it.
I am once again thinking that I have a bladder infection, I can’t be sure as it is mild at the minute. Bladder issues are common with MS and the reason that I was thinking about going back to using a catheter, with my bladder having trouble emptying the correct solution is to catheter. I did for two days and guess what! What is they say about letting sleeping dogs lie, I was getting away with it and although slow and annoying I had no issues at all, now I am sat here waiting to see if I will or won’t be in pain when I go for a pee. Another one of how long do I wait to see if it goes away and when do I call the doctor for an antibiotics, I have to say that I am one of those people who don’t really want to take them too often as I do appreciate the facts that we are using them far to often when not really needed.
I am also once again feeling lightheaded and to be honest I think I would prefer to be in my bed, than sat here right now. I know that Adam is coming home at lunch time to do my exercises but I really believe that I am not up to doing them today. If this was 7 o’clock at night I wouldn’t think twice, I would at this second be on my way to bed, why is it that we respond so differently when it is the middle of the day? It is now a full week that I have been going through spells of feeling like this and without anything I can actually link these feelings to. This started a good 3 days before the problem with my bladder, so I don’t think there is any connection. All I do know is that I won’t be able to stay up that much longer and that I will be calling Adam to tell him to not come down the road, it would be a waste of his time.