The years are adding up

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary and therefore also Adams birthday, I can admit this now as well it’s a fact of history. On Saturday afternoon when Adam was working I was woken by the phone, not something that usually leaves me in the best mood or is renowned to get a positive reaction to the caller. For once though I was relieved to find that it was Adam’s mother who I had actually been thinking of phoning myself, she was calling to find out what Adam wanted to do for his birthday, I was wanting to find out what day it was that both events happened on. Yes I had totally forgotten the date and try as I might, I simply couldn’t remember. I was down to the point of doing one of two things, making that phone call or trying to get into the chest which sits by the window were I know all the cards, and photo’s are from our wedding, but that for me would be a huge task. I had actually since the beginning of April been working on the same problem, but I couldn’t for the life of me narrow it down far enough, well with in a few days really isn’t acceptable when it comes to such things. My mind was still telling me without any difficulty that the 21st was Jeffery’s birthday, forgetting your first born birthday is hard to do, especially with everything that also connected to that date. I knew we married a few days later, so I had it pinned to either the 23rd, 24th or 25th but getting it any closer, well that wasn’t happening. It wasn’t until this second, hence the links I have just added, that the obvious answer lay here in my blog, but all month long I had the horrid pressing blank. I don’t know how much time I have wasted just starring at the calendar praying that the date would somehow just jump out at me. I had done many wild searches in other places that I thought there was a chance that I might be able to pinpoint the exact date, but nothing.

Dates have never been a strength of mine but I was equally never this bad, normally once I had planted the seed question I would have one of those eureka moments when I least expected it, but seed planted, trodden in, watered and fertilized, but still nothing. To date I haven’t had a problem like this with historic things, it has always been my short term memory that fails all the time. As far as I am aware this is the only long term memory that has failed, I would have seen it as a penalty worthy of death row to forget our wedding anniversary, but here it was and I couldn’t remember. I had decided that if I hadn’t remembered by Monday I was going to call his Mum, something I was embarrassed to do, but I thought was the least of all evils, but as we were already talking about his birthday, I just kept hoping that she would say the day or the date, neither appeared so I took a deep breath and asked. All of that would have been bad enough on it’s own, but yesterday morning I woke up and totally forgot, it wasn’t until Adam came over here to the computer and wished me a happy anniversary that I remembered again and instantly felt bad that I hadn’t said it as soon as I woke him up.

To be honest now I think Adam had realised as I hadn’t talked about it at all, not something that normally happens. I am normally the one who broaches the question and suggest either making a nice meal or having a take away, which is what we did last night, so if he tells me after reading this that he knew, I won’t be surprised. I know we all forget things but this to me is a step beyond what I would accept from anyone as normal. Even the fact that I never thought once of looking in here, knowing as I do that I have written several connected posts, is worrying, add all of it together giving me a total inability to work any of this out when needed, worries me a little. I made a living from having an inquiring, otherwise known as nosy brain, that not only could find information and proof of almost anything within the business, but could then also extract it, analyse it, spin it and anything else required of it. Now I can’t find a simple thing like a date, even when I have a major connection to it that makes it one of the most important days in my life, and I had a window of a couple or weeks in which to sort it out. So what is going to be next to vanish?

Yesterday afternoon I went to bed and I slept an extra hour, my hope was that I would then be more awake and more able to stay up just that bit longer together. The result was sort of mixed, my brain felt a bit more awake, more able to keep up with a conversations, but it’s hard to say what effect if any it had on the time that I went to bed, as it can be anywhere from 8pm to 9pm, last night was on the outer edge but that means little as I was still as tired as normal when I gave in. When Adam came home he arrived with a beautiful bunch of flower, something that he constantly pays no attention to me on, as I know we can’t afford them and even when I tell him not to, he buys them anyway. Right now they are still in the kitchen waiting for me to sort out into more of a display and less a bundle, I was to tired to do that when he gave them to me, plus we had agreed to have a take away and I didn’t want to eat too late, I was already a couple of hours past the time I like to eat best. The meal was disappointing, just as it was when Teressa and John where here, I have to say I am not keen to go back to them again. We used to live just round the corner from the shop when we were first married and both of us rated it highly, so it’s kind of sad to see how low it has dropped in just those 13 years. We found ourselves not surprisingly talking about that flat we rented then, we both loved it but there was a lot of work needed done to it, OK to rent not to buy. Adam had a thing about the downstairs neighbors and I know he was glad to get away from there for that reason, but I hadn’t realised how much he liked it other than that. Funny how it can be years later but memories of a happy place remain warm and special, I from the time we started talking of buying a place, had a small reluctance to move from there but I could actually think of more reasons to go than I could to stay. It had been our first home and we got married while living there, so it’s place in my heart was bound to be a happy one, even if I can’t remember the dates.