Thinking of nothing

It used to be another day another dollar, oh how I wish it could be! It’s funny how so many people are out there right at this minute doing jobs that I wouldn’t even have considered before but I would be so happy to be able to do right now. I almost guarantee those self same people are probably wishing they didn’t have to go there or had to do that job. Life really does grab hold of us at times, turn you upside down and give you a good hard shake, then drop you on your head and leaves you to get on with it. A week ago I was sat here drinking champagne and wishing my daughter and her husband all the happiness in the world, and now reality has totally returned but it has left me still with problems walking. I haven’t had this much trouble walking for this length of time before, pain, yes, but being reduced to a constant waddling shuffle, no. I know that a week isn’t that long, but it is when you are the one living it. Strangely as well I don’t actually seem to be that hungry, mind you thinking about it I haven’t been to the loo for 2 weeks now, I guess tonight that I have to take a couple of tablets to get things moving.

I had actually until right now, not realised it had been that long, one of the side effects of just drifting through the days and weeks, you just don’t register things in the same way. When your life is changed to being the spells you are awake the days don’t track in the same way, it is almost as thought I have been living one long day, for months. If it wasn’t for Adam working and there being a calendar on my PC desktop, I have nothing to keep myself in a recognizable structure. With the cold weather the curtains are still shut all day, so all I see is darkness, but the opposite will be true very soon, as with my early nights I am heading for months of seeing nothing but daylight. Although I know many think that solid darkness is not good for you, well before any one says that, I will just add here that the opposite has also been found to be haphazardness to humans, go and live in Alaska and you will soon see the problems. Despite routine and the structures I have maintained to my days, it is proving in many ways to not be enough.

Compound all of the above with the fact that I am in a spell where I am constantly drowsy and the result is, what I describe as drifting. I try to keep to routine, to write all my blogs, set up my tweets and everything else, but slowly I feel my need to do anything sort of closing down. There is a great temptation just now to lie in my bed and let the days pass, the effort of just keeping doing things when I have them scheduled, is beginning to feel just that bit too much. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to drop into some kind of depressed heap, it isn’t like that at all, this is about physical effort, my physical capability to do everything I still do. It is becoming physically to much, I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to stop any of it, but if something has to go, well what? I guess now that I have actually said it, I will have to think about it. Damn!

3 thoughts on “Thinking of nothing

  1. the weather plays alot into our feeling I know you said you have had the curtains closed because of the cold but it isnt much different if you have the curtains open these days :)) I am sure that you have had much more things on your mind with your visit of your daughter and son in law to be that is why your routine has taken a knock. I hope that with some rest you can get some more comfortable movment back


  2. I know that feeling of utter fatigue and it is tempting to just lie down and do nothing. Hopefully you are just going through a phase that will soon pass and soon some energy will return. The wedding and all the preparations have probably had an effect on your body too. Even good emotions can be tiring.
    Take care xxx


  3. Agree with the other comments, our daughters’ weddings are draining emotionally anyway, but add needing to participate virtually and anyone’s energy would be zapped. Not to mention those trifling medical conditions:) Be as kind and patient with yourself as you are with the rest of the world, and you can’t go wrong xxx


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