I am in a sort of not really bothered to do anything today, mind you many would say I don’t do anything any day. I guess on some levels that is right and even I know that. There is always a danger of that feeling settling in for anyone who has lost there job, but if there are other reason to compound your ability to find new employment, life becomes much much harder. Employment isn’t just about money, it is about your value as an individual, and having it taken away, takes your value away. Redundancy has effect millions, so millions know without me telling them what the whole process does to you. Being told you have a chronic illness isn’t that much different, ironically the company I worked for where a huge part of my support network that helped me through the adjustment process. It wasn’t until I was made redundant that I realised how similar the feeling were. Both situations make you think through your entire life and where you belong now in the pecking order that you have been used to and part of. Suddenly in both situations there is a void, a void so big that you can’t perceive ever being able to recover or being able to continue in life. All you can see ahead is black and painful, your life has been pulled away from under you.
So many people have asked me how do you move on knowing that you are slowly dieing, that your future is one of becoming more and more disabled and less and less able to function independently. Well if you have been made redundant you have gone through something very similar, just how similar those feelings are really surprised me. No one is ever prepared or expect either thing to happen to them, both happen to other people, not to you. Both have a slow build up, meetings that slowly nudge you into guessing what will happen soon, but you still walk around with that conviction that say not me, someone else but not me. You read between the lines of every letter they send you, of every leaflet or web page you find, part of your mind saying any minute now, soon this is going to happen to me. But there is still that blinkered confident idiot saying over and over again not me, I have a settled well established comfortable life, this won’t happen to me.
Then the day arrives, you are going to that meeting, appointment where your life is going to be either set free to continue as is, or everything will be destroyed for ever, no way of moving on, no possible continuation. They talk, you listen and you go cold inside. How could they be saying these things about me, to me? All your plans, your dreams, your future have all vanished in one 20 minute conversation. They have given you more leaflets, more things to read, things that you are totally incapable of comprehending at that moment in time. Both situations to this point will be familiar to any who have been through either, weeks of dread, followed by weeks of disbelief and mental adjustment. So how do you recover? How do you move on? What is your life going to be now? What can I do? Is there anyone who can help me? All totally and wonderfully healthy questions! This may not be totally helpful to someone at that start of adjusting, but I hope it might put your minds slightly at ease. If you are asking those questions, trying to find away through, constantly wanting to know more and to know what next, then you are adjusting well. I have said it in many different ways in #PSMyWords, but for the first time here. Never stop asking questions, always keep learning and setting goals, keep moving forward, keep searching for your answer, your way through and your plans for life. Don’t just settle for the way things are, you can always make things better and you can always change things. It’s a boring answer, because it means you have to do some work, in fact lots of work, because you have to keep achieving, keep active in your body if you can, if not, then just in your mind.
I haven’t been able to find another job, but let’s face it a woman in her 50’s, housebound with a progressive illness isn’t exactly the first person most companies would want to employ, but I have manage to make my life have a value, an importance and a place in the pecking order. I am a survivor and every single person out there can be to, as long as you never ever give up until you have each tiny goal complete. Then set some new ones.