Relief of time

I retreated to my bed at 8pm, exhausted and with such a need to lie down that there was really no option. The day had been quite average until Jake turned up just after 6 to collect a new cymbal for his drum kit. I had bought it throw Ebay for him and with him working it meant there was someone there to take it in when he was at work. He didn’t stay that long, around 45 minutes while he had a coffee and we caught up, by the time he left I we pretty well wiped out. I really don’t get what the difference is between my sitting talking to Jake for a while and sitting talking to Adam is, but I have noticed time and time again that I talking to a stranger or a friend drains all the energy I have. I sat with Adam for a while but I had taken all I could so I admitted defeat and when to the bedroom.

Just lying on my back with the bed, rather than me holding my weight was wonderful. I lay there with my arms clear of my body, as both of them were on fire with lightening pains heading from my elbows to my finger tips, mimicking my feet and ankles. The pain had been rising through out the day, with no real relief, even after I took my evening meds and I had been sat with the arm of the chair to take the weight of my arms, I still felt like they were draining my strength by just being there. I tried position after position, my favored one of my arms crossed and my hands locked over the opposite shoulder brought little relief. So lying on the bed with no need to use any muscle to do anything was a great relief. That is the beauty and the danger of bed, it is too appealing a place to be, the pain doesn’t go but the effort required to deal with it does. Yes my hands were burning and the lightning pains were all still there but the strain running up both to my shoulder had been eased. I know well enough that staying totally still is often the way to get round this sensation and for sleep to take over. I have always been impressed by the brain decision that you just can’t sleep with this pain, and the fact that that was my last thought. That process of switching from awake to out for the count, never seems to be one that you can track, it happens and there the day ends.

Waking to the alarm found me at first unable to sit up, the now rested muscles didn’t want to stop resting, I had to grab the side of the mattress to pull myself up so I could sit on the side of the bed. Like most morning all the sensations of the day before returned, it’s rare to wake with a different set, but things normally settle, it is as though your body has to return to the day before, before it can decide what it will do today. For the last few day thought each day has been a continuation, just as it is today. 12 hrs straight sleep has changed nothing, by the time I had pulled myself fully to my feet, I had already upset my arms enough for them to start once again to scream at me. I admit fully I am as tired now 4 hours later as I was at the end of yesterday, my afternoon nap is calling loudly and I just hope that lying down will bring as my relief as it always does, as my body has the heavy feeling. It seems some what odd to say that just carrying your own body around is too much, especially when nearly all of the time you are sat down, but it is. Both my hands are screaming constantly at me and I really don’t feel a great relief from taking my meds this morning. At the stretch of the time they should have stopped working, I thought for once I would feel a great relief but there was no feeling of things getting better just the normal continuation of how things are. Although I hate my arms again today the rest of me is holding steady so there are good points as always.