I have been trying to write my other blog for the last hour and a bit and I am getting nowhere with it at all because I am in pain and discomfort that won’t let me think of anything else than it. So I have given up and I am letting it have it’s way I will write about it instead. I know my writing isn’t as fluid and descriptive as usual so please bare with me, but this is real time pain, not last nights and real time is hard to work with. It started about 2 hours ago I had eaten my breakfast as usual, but just like dinner last night I couldn’t finish it and I had been forcing myself to eat as much as I did, last night there was no price to pay, but this morning, there clearly is. I’m not sure exactly what it is as it has just spread and spread, I have never had to date spasms that spread and effect more and more areas. At first it was pain in the center below my breast bone and the pressure feeling that I often have. In a short time I had to go to the loo, the normal push it through that I have been living with for ages, then again, and then the pain rocketed. That is the opposite of normal, clearly making space normally ease things, but not today, the pain just got worse and worse.
It was moving and spreading, not reducing as it should, right up the right hand side of my chest into my armpit and nothing seemed to easy it. I tried lying down and walking around but it it just kept getting tighter and tighter in the middle and a spread pain grew with it. Sat back here at my PC I was breaking out in a sweat and I was beginning to feel sick. As I said I was trying to write but I just couldn’t keep my mind on what I was doing pain just over rid everything and my concentration was completely gone, not to surprisingly. Once again my breathing had to be controlled as a shallow level as deep breaths caused more pain, which by then was also working it’s way down through my gut, from breast bone to pelvic bone I had large areas in spasm and everything around them was blanketed by an increasing ache. It was like a cascade, bit by bit not just in the front of my body but through to the back, then suddenly it started to ease and pulled slowly back to just the upper area of my abdomen. It was almost as thought it had no further that it could go, so it gave up, I’m sure that had nothing to do with it.
It’s an hour since I started trying to write this, now it is just the center area, my stomach and below basically and as always it is through to my back, no heartburn, no reflux nothing, just incredible pain in my gut. Every time this happens it is worse than the time before, but still no appointment from the hospital and no idea what the cause is. I can really see no other reason other than my MS, as this feels so like spasms and they seem to spread, that is something I don’t understand. After three hours of pain that although I have my full amount of medication levels is still really bad. How can I be so drugged up to deal with pain and still feel this the way I do? At least now it is fading, but as always it is leaving behind a feeling of being bruised, almost as though I have just been in a fight or something. It isn’t just the pain though, that is just part of it, but that type and level of pain drains you, I am now once again feeling exhausted for what and why? This on top of everything else clearly takes it’s toll, my body is permanently battered, but there is a limit to what it can take at any one time. So all of this is written down and hopefully when I do get to see the doctor it will make more sense to them than it does to me, but I am really now thinking that they are at the end of what test they can do and they really will tick the box of MS, not much help to me unless they come up with a painkiller that will mean I don’t feel it.