Control

We seem to have plunged into the middle of winter, it was minus seven last night and I have no problem believing that is the house is freezing. Again this morning I was feeling terrible when I woke up, but I think I have the reason why every morning lately had been a bad start, I think it has to do with my meds. I guess that they are not holding over the 12 hours any longer, but almost exactly the expected 12. Tonight I am gong to try take them a little later and see if it helps as I have been taking them at around 7pm, getting up a 7:30am has been OK in the past, but that half hour seems to send me into withdrawal symptoms as yesterday and this morning I felt a good deal better within 20 mins of taking them. When I feel that bad that I am in a cold sweat, the agitation levels are heading upwards by the second, pain only comes into it when it crashes in after about another half hour, almost as though the tablets are giving me warning, take them now or you will really know about it, I wish it would just find a nicer way of reminding me.

When you have a condition that destroys your memory, getting things are the right time and in the right order isn’t always that easy. I wish that I had a medicine box that played a small alarm when each dose it supposed to be taken. At the minute I do bundle things together, some meds are supposed to be three times a day, others once a day, and others still twice a day. Getting that lot right and not missing the odd one here or there is harder than you might think. My concentration can mean that time passes me by with the sudden realization that the twenty minutes I was waiting to pass actually ended an hour ago. Life isn’t easy for anyone but if you actually can’t hold on to what time of day it is, believe me it gets even more confusing. All the medication boxes I have seen allow for those errors to still happen and don’t have enough sections and big enough to hold all the strange range and sizes of different drugs, then there are the ones that are liquids, none allow for those at all. Confused, believe me, you would be.

Managing time is probably the one thing that I do have under control and that is thanks to my blogging and twitter activity, I would recommend it to anyone. My daily life is run from a spreadsheet that lays out what I have to write, when and post. It gives me a daily structure that without I think life would be really hard to cope with. I know that when I am finished writing this that I have to post it scheduled it on Twitter and them on to the next job. I can’t imagine letting that go even for a day, my mind demands structure more and more as I loose the ability to work it out as I go along. Lose of concentration allows all kind of madness to take over, but with my spreadsheet always in view it normally pulls me back in line quite quickly. I expect we all find ways of trying to over come the problems that our health causes for us, but I totally believe in routine and achievements, even if that is simply a case of ticking off another job done. It is also the one area that I have a tiny amount of control, I can’t control the pain, the fatigue, the spasms and twitches or even the amount I need to sleep, but I can control the thing I still refer to as a brain, well in some aspects at least.