My right leg for a change is the one requesting amputation but as they say a change is as good as a rest, well they are wrong, I would rather have the rest. lol. There are times that I am sure that all of us who live in the Chronic brackets just wish that we could flip a switch and turn off the whole thing, just bring a time of total peace so we can recharge and start again. It is wrong to think that sleeping brings refreshment, think back to when you have had any illness, you wake in the morning feeling just what you did the day before, those hours of sleep are nothing more than an interlude, a switch off and back on again, but unlike rebooting a PC the fault doesn’t right itself. There is though still a joy in sleeping, it’s hard to explain but when I go to bed so tired that I know that my head will touch that pillow and sleep will take me away, that it is a joy as it is a short interlude that I am by that point longing for. I have done it for years but at times I am tempted to switch of the alarm clock and just see how long I will actually sleep for, before my body brings me round, I have a feeling that it would be a case of when the meds ran out, rather than the need for sleep runs out.
I took a long shower this morning, something I haven’t done for a while as I was getting worried by weight increases than for any other. Over the years of being immobile I have slowly risen form 9st 10lbs to just under 15stone, no matter what I have done I just couldn’t loose any and being so close to what I knew was the weight limit of the fold down stool I have been having short showers, limiting the danger by limiting the time. When I went for my first visit to the hospital their scales match almost the same as mine, so I knew that it was me and not my scales. On each visit to see the specialist they have weighed me and each visit my weight has gone down. My last visit a couple of weeks ago put me at just over 14 stone, I weighed myself today and I was 13st 11lbs, clearly a long way off the seat limit and the red flag to me to be able to sit and enjoy the water. I have no idea how or why I am loosing weight and for now I really don’t care, the fact it is going and that’s all that matters, and the hospital don’t seem to be worried either. Who knows I might actually get down enough for some of the clothes filling my wardrobe on me rather than hangers.
That has been one of the mad and expensive things about being ill, my weight has been all over the place and believe me it is expensive having to by clothes over and over again. When I was on the gastric tube my dress size dropped to a UK size 6 I weighed just 7st 2lbs and once on the tube it rose quickly and I was happy to settle at a size 10, through out that 3 year period I found my answer in jumper dresses, the are ribbed and look too small to put on but stretch well, and suede pirate boots covered the matchstick legs. It is often the simple things that make life bearable and finding ways round you mad body looking madder than it feels, for a woman is a big thing. Since I stopped going out I have warn a range of nightdresses, pajamas and housecoats, all loose and all easy to get on and off. None of the clothes I had were of any use, not one would stretch that much, so going to the hospital was difficult but I discovered that my pajamas with an over shirt and coat looked like a trouser suit, and no one asked why I was still in my pajamas, so I guess I got away with it. No magic wands but with a little thought, there are ways that you can give a close to normal appearance with a little thought. one thing is to never throw away, that was my mistake, all my larger clothes went in the bin, I didn’t allow for the weight ever going on again as it has. Who knows if the weight keeps falling I may well actually be able to get dressed for a future appointment.