Accepting Christmas and more

Monday morning and I woke to two legs in spasm! Since Friday they have been bad again, I had been lucky and they had settled over November just the odd spasm, rather than having the odd period of normality. All weekend they have been driving my nuts again, no position to sit or lie in where they will settle and just act like other peoples legs. Stress as we all know by now it behind this, and stress is what I had thrown at me on Friday, this is why yesterday I questioning is it worth it to keep going back when the result isn’t my getting better, but my getting worse. Everything seems to be out of kilter, I have had more problems with my dexterity and pains through out my body. When I went for a sleep yesterday afternoon, I at first just couldn’t settle, I had so many twitch and spasms that sleep seemed impossible, it actually proved just how tired I was, as eventually I drifted off, somewhere around the point I was asking myself if I should just get up for the twentieth time.

I was really in two minds about returning to the hospital yesterday, I know I have to go and that is the beginning and the end of it, but I can’t stop wondering how many people just never go back because of experiences like mine. Adam is going to speak to his boss this morning to see who it is exactly we should complain to, the treatment I was given, is simply not right for any patient. Transport for the immobile is essential and although I am not sure what I can do to change it but I am going to give it my best shot, I am not a person who moans and does nothing, regardless of my health and the fact I can’t get out there and meet any of them, what I can do is make a pest of myself, until someone gets so fed-up hearing from me that they take some action. I really do have to try not just for myself, but for all those who can’t complain themselves, which I fear there are all to many of. One of the things I was thinking or was to send the email not just to the NHS but also at the same time to the local papers and if I can find the right ones some of the investigative TV programs as well, it is always amazing how bringing in the media makes some people actually take real action.

My stomach and gut still hasn’t settled, I have had two days of trying to eat normally but it really doesn’t like it, last night I thought that I would have some yoghurt at about 8:15, I ate about a third of a large pot, and enjoying it very much, but by 8:45 I felt so ill I had to go to my bed. This morning I have had my breakfast and again I have pains all through the top half of my gut, I know it just has to settle as what has happened to it isn’t exactly something it was designed to put up with, but this is day three!

I have had that itchy feeling that I should be doing something and I know it has everything to do with it being December! I used to take a weeks holiday at the end of November, just so I could give the house a really good clean, including things like shampooing the carpets and washing walls. Something I am sure I got from my mother, but I was itching to do it and I still am!!! It is one of the silly things that get to you when you can’t do it. I was always so house proud and I actually loved doing housework, there was to me no feeling in the world like making everything clean and shiny then sitting back and just looking at it, that is all I can do now, look at it. Once cleaned I know my home was ready for Christmas and everything else would take care of itself. I know that I can be very old fashioned at times when it comes things like that, but you can’t change who you are inside. I may have had to accept, but accepting has nothing to do with liking, liking is a million miles apart and I doubt I will ever like it.

4 thoughts on “Accepting Christmas and more

  1. I’m so sorry that you have not been having good days. I can’t imagine the level of pain that you endure 24 hours a day. My lower right calf cramped up 3 times in a row the other morning and I thought I was going to amputate at the knee just to get the pain to stop. I am so proud of you and so blessed to be your Twitter (@YourInsMom)and Facebook friend. You tell your story in such a way as to be an inspiration for all who read your work. I love you and keep you on the top of my prayer list. I hope your family cleans the house to your specifications and then decorate just like you like it.
    My Best,


  2. Pam, we cross paths quite often on Twitter and I apologize for not visiting your site more. We all get caught up in our own world and sometimes don’t stop to fully appreciate the little things, the special moments along the way. I cannot begin to understand the pain you experience on a regular basis but it takes a lot of strength to express yourself for others to see your world. Perhaps there will be times, many times, readers will visit you and leave with the thoughts and inspiration you definitely intend in your postings. “See” you in Twitter land…Hugs through space, Sharla


  3. Hi Teresa, I meant to reply yesterday but we no surprise I forget as I do so many things. Like you I have lost count of the number of times that I have requested in my head for someone to remove the offending limb at that moment, unfortunately they say that limb removal doesn’t work, as the nerves then lie to us. lol

    I accept that things have changed and my past life is now that, hard to let go though, as I said it’s like an itch that won’t shut up.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts and I hope the holiday season brings you some peace. šŸ™‚


  4. Hi Sharla, I know many like you who dip in and out of my blog and that is what I actually expect. If I can each day make one person a little happier in their life then all I do here and on Twitter is worth it. I know all to well the problems of living with pain and being housebound, I also know that finding someone who is going through similar helps. So I am here for all of those looking for words that express what we all need to here, what ever your problem, you are not alone.


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