I am so far behind my normal scheduled today that I have given up any hope of catching up. I had my appointment at the hospital this morning to find out what happens now with the problems I am having with my guts, this time I had to wait but not too long and it what a different doctor that I saw this time. We discussed the gallstones and at the minute it looks as though nothing is going to be done about them at the minute. The doctor like me isn’t convinced they are the root of the problem, more something found by chance. She like me thinks it is more a gut problem than a problem with my gallbladder, yes I get pressure and discomfort in that area but I get discomfort right across the front. The other tests that they ran show there are some raised levels of enzymes that could be because there is some type of inflammation of the gut so I am going to have to have an endoscopy. I have had one before about 8 or 9 yrs ago, so I know what it is like and what I will need to do before it, but this time I won’t be sitting around worrying what is going to happen as I know. I very much get the feeling though that she too thinks that at the heart of my problems is simply my MS, the endoscopy is really to ensure there is nothing else going on. I did mention the connection to the vagal nerve and she confirmed that it was a possibility but one we would look at after the other tests.
So I now wait for a letter and the good news that I once again have to go up and down our stairs in that horrid stair climber, even now having done it 5 times, as the first trip out they carried my down and used the climber to bring me back up again, I would still not recommend it to anyone. This was my third trip out in just a couple of months and to be honest knowing I am going to have to be doing it all over again in the not to distant future, isn’t filling me with glee. To anyone that is reading this who lives on anything other than the ground floor and has just found out they are ill, move house now!
Adam managed to once again come with me to the hospital so although I was as normal falling over my words and forgetting what I have to say, I at least knew he was there to rescue me if I blanked which of course I did, but for once covered it with humor rather than getting upset by it. Both of us left there with more confidence in the doctor we saw this time, it is amazing how much the way the doctor reacts to questions and gives enough of the human balanced with medic can make. We did talk a little further as to what if the endoscopy showed nothing and it would come down yet again to trying to manage the situation through medicines, I have a feeling that will be where it ends, as I said months ago I am sure this is still my MS but at least for once they have looked past it just in case.
There is a lot of work ahead of us to get life balanced again and to deal with the mess I call a brain, I know and so does Adam I think, that this is the start of the bad slope, the one that is dividing me away from the normal world. I have come to terms in the past few days that I am past the stage of my working with list and memory prompts, I now need that second brain to double check everything and aid me to manage a little longer with out outside intervention. That day will come but I want and need to push on as a person for as long as the ‘mess’ will let me. It has taken a full week but today I at last feel like a person again rather than a someone who could do nothing but cry.