It was and is pride that wouldn’t let me ask for help and my writing it all down, then posting yesterday with the knowledge that Adam would read, had the effect of me bulling myself, and it worked. Adam and I spoke last night and we are going to try something between ourselves to see if it will make any difference to the situation. We hadn’t discussed any of this before as I hadn’t wanted to talk about it, being independent and pigheaded can be useful but it can also be damaging. Adam is going to buy a calendar and we are going to plan out what has to be done when, unlike the check lists I have kept myself and landed up manipulating this is going to be where Adam can see it, remind and bully me into doing what has to be done, just as he already does when it comes to food.
I realised when we were talking that a large part of my forgetting is caused by another problem that I can’t actually do much about. I get exhausted easily as you know, so I have a system now of not doing one thing at a time, as in if I need to get a glass of coke I wait until I have one or two other things to do as well like go to the toilet, before I move. That way I waste as little energy as possible as I am doing as much as I can in just one trip away from my seat, the flaw is that I forget some of the things on my list, or worse still, mark it as done, when I have done nothing other than briefly thought about it. I now have some work to do today and over the next few days to see what I can do about it, I have already found one thing that I see why it goes days from when it should be done, to being done and it is a simple one to fix. I keep my medication in the kitchen where I have a cupboard big enough to take it all and I need to be in the kitchen with all the meds out in front of me so that I know I have asked for them all. We have phones all around the house but only the living room phone has stored numbers on it, so to call my doctor I need that phone, problem. I have to keep walking back and forward to sort it all out. If the kitchen phone had the number on it, I wouldn’t need to use up energy or put it off until by some miracle I remember to take the phone with me. I have spent the last 4 days putting that one off as well, I am sure that a lot of the problems I have daily can be helped a little if not a lot by simple changes, others well we need to think about them.
I don’t want anyone here in the house with me as I really don’t think I could deal with it, strangers stress me out more than anything else I have to deal with, I want to see if we can sort it out well enough, now that both of us know what the problem is, two heads may be better than one as they say. It is going to take some thought and some care but I hope there is an answer that means I don’t have to have an outsider checking everything I do off on a list and telling me what to do, like a child who doesn’t know better. If it doesn’t workout well then we will have to think again. I know I need more help than I did a year ago, or even 6 months ago but I need to have a feeling at least, of having some control of my life, for as long as I can. I am lost and I am scratching around trying to find solutions but I am still a long way off from lying down and saying you win.