Dip

I crashed again last night. That about says how I feel this morning, short and to the point. I felt it closing in as the evening went on and by 10 o’clock I was almost crawling to my bed. Sunday night TV is to me at it’s best at this time of year, I can more than happily watch the BBC from the evening news right on, which is exactly what I did. I had felt as the day went on that I was chasing my own tail, frequently that is a sign of things slipping. Everything went well until around 1pm and then slowly I lost it, I was behind by the time I went to bed for my nap and I woke up feeling tireder then I was when I went there, always a bad sign. No matter how fast I tried to move answering and sorting out the tweets I received I just seemed to have more and more of them piling in behind them, my system was falling to bits. I pushed myself as I wanted to shut my PC down before Strictly started, I was about 5 minutes out but I really had had to push hard and that removed the final energy I had.

Although I was really enjoying the TV I just couldn’t get comfortable on the Settee, I kept changing the cushions around and my position on them but all I felt was pain in my legs. By sitting hunched over my knees and leaning hard down I could release the pain in my legs but the problem then was the pressure sensation to crosses over my upper abdomen from my gallbladder on the right straight over to my left side. One of life’s no win situations. As always I was tiring myself out more and more just trying to stay in a constant, by the end of Andrew Marr I was wiped out and bed was my only thought, my slow progress getting there was the final clue.

Waking this morning the pain in my legs had calmed until I stood up and the shock waves ran from my feet right through me, just getting to the living room to boot up my PC while I fetched my coffee wasn’t much faster than I had been at bed time, I could see clearly what my day ahead would hold. It is now 4 hours since I got up and well I was right, pain levels are high again, after yesterday morning I was so hopeful that things were on an up, now I am not so sure, having said that my mood is still quite good considering everything else, so it is not all bad. I think having a couple of lighter days has made a difference and I am still very much on the up side, just a little disappointed with my legs. MS is nuts that way, you push yourself to do something like some typing and you pay with sore legs, why?

I am finding the pressure in my abdomen is really getting uncomfortable now, it was the case that I used to have discomfort in short spells and I could release it at times by changing my posture. Yesterday something new added itself in, I was also getting pressure in an area of about 6 inches below my gallbladder as well. I am calling it a pressure as I am not too sure what else to call, to myself it feels like the area is dead, as though it is slightly wooden or numb. There isn’t a feeling of pain most of the time, just occasionally, if there is going to be any pain it is usually in my left side, and there is nothing to feel at all when I press anywhere in my abdomen. Some area are painful when pressed but not to any great extent. The sensation is extremely annoying and uncomfortable but I can say no more about it than that. I may not seem of any importance at all but try living with it day after day after day and the spreading of it is making me worry a little more about the reasons. I have just two and half weeks to my next appointment not too long to wait but it is dragging now.

Reading all that back it all sounds rather down but I am honestly not, the lift in my mood that appeared yesterday is still there, it is just that my body is putting up a challenge, after all it lost yesterday in the daily battle, at the minute I think it will lose again today.

6 thoughts on “Dip

  1. That is disappointing isn’t it ? Our bodies seem to have a mind of their own sometimes. I am glad that your mood is remaining upbeat though. That’s a bonus. I hope that once the gallbladder is sorted out, that will give you some relief of sorts.
    Hope your day goes well, apart from the pain 😀 xxx

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  2. The way you have been describing your pain, has given me greater insight than anything I have been reading online about MS. I don’t know what else to say, except I feel very humble, and kind of ashamed at my own witterings about life, ha! I hope you have a better day today. 🙂

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  3. That is one of the main reasons that I write, I to when I was first diagnosed tried to find out what lay ahead, but all I found where bland lists that told me nothing. I have many readers who also have chronic illnesses, not all MS but many have said that I am writing just what they feel, telling their story if you like. For some reason there is this strange belief that if we don’t know we won’t worry, I think the unknown is far more scary than knowing that it is something that happens rather than no idea if it is ‘normal’ or not.

    All of us have our own problems to live with, these are mine, and in no way make yours any less important. I wish we could all have an easy pain free existence, but that will always be nothing but a dream. 🙂

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  4. Hello there. I don’t have a blog here but I came across yours and felt a sense of relation. I don’t have MS but I am not a well person. I have a hereditary condition called Hereditary Angioedema that I’ve had since birth but was not diagnosed with until I was past my 30th birthday. In 2008 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis after waking up one day and literally falling to the ground because my legs would not hold me up. In 2010 I developed adhesive capsulitis, also known as frozen shoulder, in both arms which was very painful and meant that for a solid year I had little to no use of my arms. I have had side issues due to medication and presently I am nearly three weeks post surgery for an unexplained pair of cysts in my pelvic region which were difficult for the surgeon to get out. It seems that with me, health issues are never straight forward. So, when I came across your blog and started reading I… I realised that there are probably thousands of people who struggle with various forms of illness, who are prone to sorrow, hopelessness and depression like me. I would like to say that reading about you and your struggles and how you are dealing with them and soldiering on is encouraging to me. I have subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more of what you post.

    Kim Arnold
    Edinburgh, Scotland

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  5. Hi Kim, Thanks for subscribing, I do normally post once a day as it is part of what I have planned here is that I give a full view of what life housebound with a chronic illness is like, warts and all. Sorry to hear that you are yet another person having to live with multiple conditions, it seems to be normal, get one the rest follow. There are millions of us living daily with conditions that change our lives in so many ways. I am trying to put a voice out there as most only tell their nearest and dearest, and some not even them. I hope you find more as you read that is relevant to your life, surprisingly a lot has nothing to do with our medical conditions, but what happens to us other than that, that is the common ground. We are more alike than we often think.

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