Stepping over the blue line

This morning I actually got success in phoning the OT department when wrote to me exactly 3 months ago saying I was on their list and would be seen as soon as possible. It seemed to take her a while to find me on her system and when she did she said that it normally takes between 6 and 7 months to see someone in my position. I know that they deal with people who aren’t just chronically ill but dieing, but on the system of those who are worst off, without any assessment of those they set as an appointment sometime in the future, I will never get to the top of it. She read to me what was listed as the reason I needed to see an OT was simply due to my MS and Fibro, no mention that I can’t sit without constant extreme pain. It will be clear form what I have written in the past few months that the pain in my legs and backside is truly extreme, and that it is not through lack of trying to deal with it and I have done everything that I can to find a solutions. At the minute my back is adding to this but it is now almost as it was before, but what has happened is that the pain in my pelvis has been made worse by it. I am tempted to call the Doctor and source more painkillers but as I have said before I am not keen to go continually down the line of more and more meds.

None of the things that we have to rely on the NHS for here in the UK is as smooth and as fast as we might like and if it is sometimes hard to keep saying to yourself they are doing what they can, at times you want to scream at them do more and do it now! What I don’t understand is why I can’t have a med regime that allows me to have pain control during the day at a level I can function and higher relief in the evening when I am tiered and can’t deal with it. I have asked several times if I can have some sort of boost which I can take when it is at it’s worst, not everyday at the same time. I can really feel that your illness has to fit what they do, or they can’t help you. I think I am old enough and wise enough to know myself when and when not I need something to deal with my pain. Why is it so hard for them to understand that? I really do understand why so many resort to the illegal route if cannabis, if it works for them well it is their choice to take the risk of being prosecuted for it. I have a real dilemma when it comes to cannabis, firstly I really don’t agree with breaking the law. I have through out my Adult life had great difficulty doing anything that is illegal, and on the odd occasions I have knowingly stepped that line I have felt terrible about doing it. At a party when I was in my late twenties I tried cannabis, I only took two or three draws and it simply put me to sleep, not something I really want and the guilt I felt the next day made that sleep of no use what so ever. It has been suggested to me many times that I should try it again but no matter how bad the pain is I couldn’t deal with the knowledge is was illegal. Yet here I am an adult who isn’t allowed to have the pain relief that I need when I need it, so yes I do see why others might take the risk, but it is not for me.