Yesterday was the perfect example of the type of things that are made more difficult because of chronic conditions. I did my best to move around as it did ease the pain in my back but it is one of the constant arguments that go on in my life, ease one thing and aggravate another. This morning it is still hurting but a lot better than it was. Adam and I both thought that I might not be able to get up this morning without help, but I am so used to waking totally stiff that I had just as much trouble as I always do, my normal roll and slide worked fine. I have always found that when the pain anywhere is worse than normal concentration gets worse, I think that may well be normal for all of us but it is a long time ago for me to try and remember.
Remembering things really is a strange thing I have noticed, I seem to be heading in the way I always here of being connected to dementia or Parkinson type illnesses, I remember better 40yrs ago than I do two days ago. It really is the short term memory that is suffering the most. I have described several times the can’t remember why I am in a room many times but I am more and more aware because of the TV more than anything else, that it has stretched a little further. I don’t know how many times a day now I settle myself down here to write after selecting a program to watch to realise after 15 or 20 minutes that I have not only see the program, but I it was within the last month that I saw it. Not only is that annoying, as I have to get up and cross the room to see the screen well enough to read the on screen writing, but it doesn’t help with the short term memory either as I either get back here with no memory of what I was writing or doing, but often I wonder off just because I am on my feet and do something else.
I have also realised finally that my cooking when Adam isn’t here is becoming a bad idea, I have recently boiled dry and burned pans of pasta, rice and most recently potatoes. It isn’t until I smell the smoke that I remember I even put them one. I am just a little worried by that as I doubt any of them would have caused a fire, but I guess they could have done some smoke damage if I hadn’t noticed when I did, how long that would have been if I was asleep I have no idea. On one of the occasions I burnt the pasta I found myself in the kitchen to deal with it and really not being able to remember I had actually put it on to cook. Adam wasn’t here so it had to be me. I truly found that whole thing upsetting and still do slightly. It was the two sides of the brain argument logic saying I put the pan on and confusion answering back that I had done no such thing. I did the other week start setting my alarm to tell me when I had to check, but I have forgotten to set it since that one successful day. Treating yourself like a stupid child is a hard thing to do. Setting the alarm is an insult to the adult me, even thought I know it is the sensible thing to do. In a strange way it feels easier to be not just housebound but PC bound, as I can’t do any real damage if I don’t allow myself to move. It is hard to admit but as far as cooking goes I am now a danger to the house, the microwave is the only safe way for me to cook anything as it will at least turn itself off.